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Don't give up on loaning money in a marriage. If you find the right person to spend your life with, it will be safe to do. I will give you the same advice that was given to me, keep your own bank account, and have your income deposited into it. Hubby and I have our own income and savings as well as joint savings. It is possible to protect your finances while still sharing them with you. That said, you are not in the wrong for wanting your money back.
You were used. If she was seriously thinking about transitioning for as long as you believe, then she would have done the research to find out how much it would cost and should have started saving up to pay for it herself, this would have also provided time for the personal development she is now insisting on.
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I honestly wouldn't marry someone who can't get me off. Let alone have children.
he’s not selfish in any other part of our marriage.
That's very hot to believe, especially with the “strict family, sex=bad” attitude he's got. Try suggesting therapy
Why can’t I see the other comments, bro?
I’m with this in principle but had an ex who refused to sign papers for years…and they were ones we’d drawn up through moderation that disproportionately benefited him financially and gave me primary custody which is what he preferred. I eventually did start dating but only after a couple + years into the mess post separation and agreement to divorce which convinced him to speed up the signing to delaying just until the date of my next birthday, a year later.
It was a lovely process.
Needless to say, it made me think how starkly I viewed the multi year wait period post divorce.
Nope nope nope
Do NOT do anything without discussing further rules!
“Is it allowed to be the same person most of the time?” – some people, when suggesting open marriage, assume it will be different people and not one consistent person.
“Do I have to end it if I think I start having feelings, even if I don't love you any less?” – repeated intimacy with a single partner usually causes emotional bonds. Especially if you're already longtime friends. Some open relationships allow this, some don't.
“What about people we know? Can it be someone we've known before opening this up, or does it need to be someone new?” – your wife may not have considered that you'd pick a FRIEND and might be upset that it's someone you guys actually know.
Come up with more rules to discuss. Google to see if anyone's posted an open relationship rule guide or something. Ask alllll the questions. Open relationships kill marriages because not enough questions are asked, answered, and enforced.
I wish I could grab you through this screen and make you understand that the choice you make now will impact the rest of your life. Look at him, that's what you will become if you stay with him.
Stop feeling guilty about your ex. You are broken up, and thus allowed to be with someone else.
However, you've earned the guilt towards your best friend, by, it seems, stringing her along. You need to either commit to your friend, who seems very into you (despite you reminding her that you are still into someone else)- or let her go if you don't really have feelings for her at this point.
After 2 months, yeah move on.