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Oh absolutely. But I stand by it. Vibes are off. Refuses to admit it. Done.
We train people how to treat us by what we tolerate
Yeah, you can definitely ask her to pay it back. It's a significant amount of money. Do what you can to get it. Come up a payment plan if you want and that y'all both agree to. You said she agreed to start paying you back when she got a job.
If she doesn't really know you mother, then I'm not sure why would want to / need to go?
No, your SO shouldn't be obligated to go to events that are important to you
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What does he do (or not do) that makes you think you could do better?
No, like someone whose whole family have been abused traumatised manipulated & slandered for decades by a Narcissistic Personality Disordered sibling. How is recounting what OPs actions were âbelittlingâ? Oh, is it because those actions were abhorrent behaviour? My bad, not. Thatâs on the OP. The parents also exhibit horrendous behaviour but that doesnât give OP excuse to behave badly also and boohoo try make themselves out to be an iT wAs aCCidenT I diDnâT meAn iT victim. Iâve been seeing these type of narc manipulations for decades. Claiming theyâd do anYthiNg for their sister – bullshit. Actions speak louder than words. OP made sure it was nasty & uncomfortable through dinner and when that didnât work to ruin it enough, made sure to make a bigger nastier scene later, OUTING the siblings partner to homophobic toxic parents ffs. If yâall are falling for this crap and want to jump the bandwagon & be flying monkeys for this either toxic or troll OP, go ahead.
Firstly, no sensible and emotionally developed adult in their 30s will be dating young adults and teenagers even if it was the young adults who consented to be with them. whether you like it or not he has already dropped a big red flag there .
Second, if you donât get out of this relationship now, decade later you will be miserable and he will leave you for a younger woman ( 18-23yrs old ) which right now you wouldnât like to believe would happen but it eventually will.
Third, even if we ignore all the red flags, you have the right to feel violated , and him disrespecting you during intimate moments and not withholding/respecting the boundaries laid, shows he is not only selfish but he doesnât care about you. Drunk or not that wasnât okay to do.
No matter how much âmature you are for your ageâ , people like him are manipulative and will exploit you. What you described is a starting step to a relationship where he will commit mistakes to hurt you and disrespect you and later bombard you with apology, â changed behaviorâ, love and everything you want for few weeks till he again hurts you. This will be a never ending cycle which will exhaust you.
Break up with him to lead a better life or stay with him till he peels your sanity off is up to you.
UpdateMe!
Be brutally honest with his nasty ass. I'm a messy guy, but the shit you're describing is absolutely fucking abhorrent. Be brutally honest, and set a time frame to make active changes. If it doesn't happen, not only do you not move in with this slob, you fucking leave him.
I know I donât. Itâs something Iâm working on. And youâre probably right. Also I take a while to process things so thatâs why itâs a jumbled mess. I also have rejection sensitive dysphoria so when I feel rejected (i.e. in this case not being agreed with) itâs really hot not to respond with strong emotions and reactions. I over explain things rather than getting right into the point and add way too much detail so itâs hard to know what to put out and what is too much.
My brain fucking sucks
What was he supposed to do exactly?
Your family is toxic, OP. For your own mental health, keep a lot more distance from them.
Obviously shared custody is the preferred outcome but if she canât support herself I doubt the court is going to give her primary custody.
Hey OP, I want to echo what a lot of people say in that you are handling this extremely maturely and thats to be commended.
I want you to remember that if you are not able to get around the biological aspect of your boyfriend, that does NOT make you transphobic. You are both young. Your preferences and needs and his preferences and needs may change with time and you should not feel like a failure or feel bad if that happens.
I'm not doing the mansplain thing and telling you that you will want kids later on, but you MIGHT want biological kids, and if that happens it's not selfish to want to be with somebody who can provide them.
As always: No 40 year old adult is dating a teenager because they think you'll make a super great, equal life partner. She is dating you because you are young, naive, and easy to control. And she's creepy.
Iâd like to give you advice from someone who has lost multiple loved ones to drug overdoses. So many drugs now are laced with fentanyl and that stuff is deadly. The way your girlfriend and the friend were nodding off could be indicative of a drug overdose. What really needs to happen in that case is to get them to a hospital. Do not run the risk of losing them.
Narcan will help reverse an opioid overdose. If you stay with your girlfriend and/or continue to have friends who do drugs even on occasion, I suggest you keep a Narcan kit handy and learn how to use it and how to spot the indications of drug overdose. If your girlfriend isnât having an opioid overdose but is overdosing on something else, Narcan wonât help her, but it also wonât hurt her. I know you can get free Narcan kits through local and maybe National organizations and also at some Walgreens locations.
Finally, talk to her parents or another close loved one that is older and has influence. When my sister overdosed and died, we had no idea she was doing drugs. Had we known, we would have gotten her into rehabilitation immediately and done everything in our power to keep her safe. You have the power to help change the course of her life by getting people who have that influence involved. Even if doing it feels like a betrayal and she takes it as a betrayal, you may save her life by doing it. Had anyone in my sisterâs friend circle told us this was going on, we would have been eternally grateful. Getting her help before itâs too late is a true act of love, although that can be hard to recognize when youâre young.
If your girlfriend wonât go to rehab, perhaps she can start therapy to explore why she might feel the need to use drugs. Any step in the right direction counts.
Be strong. You clearly care about your girlfriend to be seeking advice online
Unfortunately we live in a period where people judge too quickly and donât give the chance to the person! You must to be more careful on what you share and with who,it doesnât matter if they make you feel comfortable because their actions speak louder. Now understand itâs not your fault, you were nervous and it didnât go like you wanted so you where honest with her. If she decided to act like she did and choose to not going further then good for you. You donât need that kind of person but take that as a lesson to protect yourself in the future and not allow someone to hit your confidence.
If I may ,what happens was probably a exception but if you struggle (and you donât have to be ashamed about it) contacting a sexologist will help you to go though this. Sometime is not the experience the problem but the connection we have with our own body. So take time to find out ,donât blame yourself for what happens and you will see in the future you will laugh about it.