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It sounds like this garbage guy who claimed to be a friend was grooming her so he could sleep with her.
She is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. Using the word grooming not only infantilizes her but it also removes responsibility for her actions and toxicity on this.
Between the lies, the shady behavior, her lack of boundaries for people in her life and the clear lack of respect I'd be gone. As much as you'd like to think nothing happened her lack of boundaries, her lies and apparent people pleasing responses it's impossible to confirm nothing happened.
I’d nope right outta that holiday gathering. “Aw man, bad news. I’m not going to be able to make it for the trip. They needed someone at work right in the middle of it and I was sorta voluntold to be there. I hope you have a great time though.”
I mean you are the one in the relationship
You did nothing wrong. You do and did not deserve the abuse you suffered. Do not try to justify why you suffered under others. You were a victim. It's not your fault.
You are in pain. You were dealing with it the only way you know how, crying. Your emotions are real and justified. You are allowed to feel them. Don't minimize how you feel or your concerns, because then others can't understand you.
Your boyfriend is likely more frustrated his plan to try to make you feel loved and included didn't work as planned because he underestimated how much you'd feel the day of. When you are in a better state he would benefit from a clear understanding, and not a gentle version meant to not cause him concern. Only then can he be prepared to support you. ( Such as his gift might have worked if you were just a bit sad and lonely but otherwise okay enough to function and call, but didn't work because you were in a state where you needed to cry yourself to sleep to cope)
You would benefit from better tools and methods than crying and sleeping to fight off the false thoughts, and you can get those through therapy, which it sounds like you could use, especially around the holidays.
Be kind to yourself.
his post: Struggling to stay faithful and remain attracted to my (34M) wife (28F) after we experienced a violent attack together. Not sure what to do. I can't talk to anyone about this, for obvious reasons.. I even tried speaking to a therapist and they made me feel so low I haven't gone back since. My wife and I have been together for 6 years, married for 3. We currently have a bundle of joy on the way and she's about 5 months along. My wife was always on the fence about kids but I was adamant about wanting them, and now that its becoming so real I'm not sure anymore. I feel like I've just been on autopilot and after spending this whole week buying baby stuff I need to figure it out. Last year my wife and I were at the park relaxing like we do almost every weekend and someone yelled at us for speaking in my native language (Korean). My wife is trying to learn too because she's not Korean, or asian at all, but wants to only speak Korean at home to make sure our family is fully bilingual and they don't lose their culture. We were practicing out loud and sharing a snack and this guy just walks up to us out of nowhere with wild, racist BS. He kicked our food and there was some arguing, and while I was calling the police with my back turned he tried to hit me with a pretty large rock. My wife jumped in between and ended up taking the full force of the hit, which literally busted her forehead open and knocked her out cold for almost a minute. I rushed my wife to the hospital and the guy ran off and was eventually caught by police a few weeks later. My wife needed 14 stitches right across her face, and had two black eyes and blood in them. Her face was swollen beyond recognition for a few days too and when she fell, messed up an old knee injury so when she got out of the hospital the next day half her face was covered in bandages and she was limping. But she was still cracking jokes in the ER. After the bandages and stitches came out, she was told she would need to wait at least a year before having her scar surgically fixed or whatever treatments. But now that the year has almost passed, I've started hinting at her scheduling appointments and such.. this entire time I've been struggling with remaining attracted to her despite it but didn't tell her, since I didn't want to be cruel. She's now saying she doesn't think she wants to get anything done because she wants to save the money for the baby. I've offered to pay for half of it, and she still hasn't really looked into having it done. I've also pushed back her meeting my parents again because of this (they live! outside of our country, hence why they haven't met yet) and bringing her around my friends since it happened. Another part of me is also just sort of mad she even did it. I feel like half of a man now and I've had to delete myself off dating apps before making a mistake and been channeling it all at the gym but every time I look at her I'm reminded of all of those feelings. She hasn't changed a bit besides the scar, she's obviously handled it way better than I did, and somehow its making me love her less. This, plus the pregnancy.. I don't even know what to do. I thought about asking for a hall pass, but I know without a doubt she will leave me. I thought about taking care of my needs on the side so I can be the man she needs me to be, but I know she will eventually find out and she will hate me and make my life hell, or leave me a single father and I will never hear from her again. I just wish it had never happened but I really need some other perspective or opinion on this. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I am sorry this happened to you. Hopefully you will get a settlement from the state. Use that money to start over. Find someone new amd start again.
Up to you, that's a hell of a deal breaker for me.
Why are you trying to consider other possibilities? Base your relationship on what's right in front of you.
OP reading that title was exhausting. How did you live that for 7 years?!
Yes, he was hiding it from you. That’s alone basically makes it cheating for me. Even if he was just having her over to flirt and smoke, hiding it from you makes it really bad
Can anyone give me some advice on this please?