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People can change or not. I was extremely abusive to my ex, but treat my current partner 100x better. It does more harm than good to worry about what’s going on in their relationship.
Honestly, once he asked right away a second time after you said no, it was too much for me. Then, the story gets worse.
((Hugs momma))
I feel for you. I do.
But this is 2023. People go where the jobs are, go where they want to be. Sticking close to home just for the sake of being close is less of a thing.
When I (44F) first left home, my family stopped speaking to me. I went from the US to Europe and they were mad. But it’s what I needed to do.
Later I moved even further away to start a company.
Him moving away doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. He just isn’t enmeshed and they have their own life.
He’s an adult. You raised him to be smart and independent and that’s what he is!
And honestly, not everyone wants the family time you describe. I’d hate it. I can manage once a year but once a week? A month. No.
If his biggest flaw is that he had a temporary moment of stupidity over the love he has for his family, I’m not terribly worried.
I actually believe that's what this is. and I'm saying that as a mom to a 19 month old who went through similar lapses in future.thinking when we discovered I was pregnant. On both of our parts.
The only way you can know for sure though, is if you can work through this with him, and agree in boundaries so it doesn't happen again.
“Your breath is terrible, but less so if you are freshly brushed. I am also noticing your fingers are not always clean and I don't want you putting them on me, and certainly not in me.
When we dated, you were attentive to your hygiene . What changed? Why do you not pay attention to your hygiene as much? It is a sexual turnoff, but more than that, is something that seems to get worse and not better. What can we do about this? Telling me not to nag is not a solution. If I had funk like you do, I would do everything in my power to address it and not minimize the impact my funk has on you.”