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My wife of 13 years just did this, for similar reasons to yours, but she moved several hours (20) away by car, and said we could reconvene in 6 months to see if we got better.
A lot of things about our relationships are similar, I donāt have many friends she does, Iām financially secure and responsible, she not as much, we had sex issues (she has previous trauma and we were not very good at communicating)
A week after she got there she told me that she would be happier without me.
This is the worst time in my life and I just wish we could have tried to resolve the issues she had with me before doing this.
I donāt have confidence this would improve your relationship, one of the things that hurts the most is that she didnāt want to sleep in the same bed as me, and I just sit here all day imagining her cuddling someone else at night.
Being in the house by myself really sucks, itās still all of our things, her stuff is here, I feel fear at night for some reason (I never realized before that she made me feel safe and secure)
I wish we either worked on our issues, with maybe professional help, or she was honest with me about what this break actually was.
Ok so first off stop watching pork
“I can't help myself! That bacon is just so enticing! MMMMM!”
I'm so sorry for what's happened to you man, but I am intensely proud hearing you say that. You deserve so much better and I know sooner or later you'll find someone who truly loves you.
Stay strong my man!
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Donāt forget to leave a bowl of water out for him poor guys probably thirsty down there
Get her a bracelet to replace it. She might just like the bracelet itself. If she doesnt want to replace id feel some type of way about it too.
Iām also a touchy feely type of person but this is totally inappropriate and I would have a major issue with this. This is not friendship behavior.
She broke up with you and officially friend zoned you, you just donāt know it.
Holy fuck everyone. Op admitted itās a problem. He said he wants help changing his view on it. Could you all actually give advice rather than shame the guy for wanting to change his mindset?
Check your phone records & youāll find your answer
Okay? Lol
While it was very nice of you to move in to help your father combat loneliness, you're an adult and should continue living however you are comfortable. When he tells you the “proper” way to do things, just continue doing them your way. You weren't asking for his advice as far as I can tell. It's okay, and usually expected, to not be parented at almost 30!
His unsolicited instructions isn't him talking for ridiculously long times. It's just rude. If he was just talking for long periods of time, it would be stories and discussions about things that weren't focused on your behavior. Those are the moments you “suck it up” for. But he's…just rude and maybe controlling as far as I can tell.
And you are not responsible for someone who abused you, so if this arrangement isn't working for you, you should consider leaving. If he's behaving erratically, I think maybe he needs to see a doctor or a therapist of his own. I agree with the other commenter that seeing your own therapist in the meantime to help understand your feelings and find confidence in them is also a good idea.
Also don't forget about the word trying to conceive. Because some people can get pregnant easily, others have a difficult time. And not to forget that miscarriages are common. O.P should've talked it over with his wife about wanting kids before they got married.
Thank you for your response! And oh wow this is quite similar!! I do notice a difference in his demeanor and confidence when he has a drink (so to me it sort of shows there is that side to him as people canāt fabricate being a different person haha) but when I brought this up to him it led to a huge argument where he said Iām not accepting and that it seems like I want him to drink more. And in regards to teaching him, I guess it would feel nice as well to be the one that ātaughtā him amazing things (he actually lost his virginity to me). But as patient and understanding I can be, I am starting to become frustrated. And also, Iād like to be surprised as well and not have every single move to come from me, if this makes sense
Thank you for your response! And oh wow this is quite similar!! I do notice a difference in his demeanor and confidence when he has a drink (so to me it sort of shows there is that side to him as people canāt fabricate being a different person haha) but when I brought this up to him it led to a huge argument where he said Iām not accepting and that it seems like I want him to drink more. And in regards to teaching him, I guess it would feel nice as well to be the one that ātaughtā him amazing things (he actually lost his virginity to me). But as patient and understanding I can be, I am starting to become frustrated. And also, Iād like to be surprised as well and not have every single move to come from me, if this makes sense
Iām surprised this is not closer to the top ahahaha
“Hey, when we opened this joint account, the agreement was ______, but I was going over our finances and seems like you're not doing that.”
If you think a talk like this is even bordering on “rude”, you got married far too early in your relationship and/or your life.
Technically she could be saying the truth. Maybe she realized that she had to babysit her nieces not that long before you texted her. Personally, I also prefer to not schedule anything during the week. I have time to chill after work, but I don't want to plan something. Especially not a date that could run late. That said, she is definitively flaky.
What you do depend on you. Personally, I see two option. First option, I would just cut my losses and stop texting her. If she text you, you could either ghost her or just answer to her. Keep it to minimal. My general rule is to put as much effort in a relationship as the other person. If she text you two words, answer her with one. That way, you keep her at a distance, but you are not the asshole for just ghosting her. If she can use that situation to make herself be the victim.
Another possible solution is to tell her. Hey you are kind of flaky, you've done that twice already. If you want to go on a date with me in April you schedule it, I'll be happy to go.
If it was really bad timing and she want to go on a date with her, she will make the effort in April. If she doesn't make the effort then you have your answer. If she schedule a date with you and don't show up or be flaky again, then you also have you answer. But that's assuming you think she is worth another chance.
What I wouldn't do is schedule a third date yourself.
“Because it's a way to show her that I care and love her,” is what I would've initially said but now after reading all these comments I need to set my foot down and be honest with myself and her. I feel like after this therapeutic discussion with everyone, that I now have my foot out the door. Now it a matter of escape when given the opportunity. If this is where I am not even two years into a relationship, then 50 years from now sounds too far out to even imagine anything there at that point. Thank you for writing that question for me to answer. You, and everyone else have been incredibly helpful to me.
The best way to get over someone- is to get under someone.
I was shocked at the grief I was going through in this divorce. I learned that there is a grieving process even getting out of a toxic relationship
You didnāt like that she picked him to stay with over someone else. You didnāt like that she āinsistedā on cooking him dinner, and you believe that sheās trying to be the dominant woman in his life over you. Youāre assigning bad intentions to her every move.
You made this mess, clean it up like a man. Don't be a coward. You sure weren't a coward balls deep in her sister.
You did many kind gestures for her in her time of need and she is being horrible. Let her be. She needs to come to you to apologize for her shit behavior.
I like my friends photos. Male or female. Itās part of the many social interactions I have with them.
I am assuming someone who doesnāt want you liking photos of an opposite gendered friend also wouldnāt like other simple interactions such as: grabbing lunch alone together, texting each other, giving each other gifts, etc.
In my experience people who donāt want you to like photos of opposite gendered friends also donāt want you to hang out alone with them, or text them, etc. so a reasonable reality to maintain this relationship is to accept that opposite gendered friends will no longer be allowed.
I havenāt brought it up to the other group members yet. In all honesty, Iām worried if I confront her directly sheāll get mad and give me a poor peer eval, which determines a big portion of our mark.