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You can't unsleep with the friend and telling the history was in my opinion the right move to do.
There's really nothing you can do more, your bf has to take his head out of his ass and understand that people have history and stop bringing it as a weapon in every argument.
Alot of women go through this same thing I dated a girl for years knew she was bi after like 6 years so came out to me and said she thought she was gay . I had always wondered because she would have orgasms but sometimes it was like she wasn't in the same room . I understand and was supportive of her and her sexuality now she is actually with the same woman she met when we were together . It hurt to let her go of course but I got over it pretty quick thinking I would be in a bad spot if it would it would have went on for ever some women go 30 yr marriages before they come out so you need to sit down with your boy friend and talk to him about it . You only live once time enjoy it to the most you can
His response was overly violent but your behavior was inappropriate too. When someone tells you not to touch them, don't violate their consent. He told you not to touch him and you did it anyway. Completely unacceptable. If he has never reacted like this before, then I would probably have a conversation with him about it and look into counseling. If he's been aggressive before, then I would view it as a problem that I wouldn't come back from. But if this was an isolated reaction to being touched against his express wishes, then you both need to go to counseling to deal with your refusal to respect boundaries and his extreme reaction.
Oh look, the consequences of your own actions. I hope you fiancé finds this post.
Don’t do it. How have you dealt with your traumatic past? Ask him to go to couple therapy