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Report him to the police.
I mean 20 people by 28 isn't exactly hall of fame numbers.
Sounds like he's insecure and is trying to spin it as you not being good enough so he doesn't have to face his issues.
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Hey, I really don’t think it could be any clearer
Ok be real. If she bruises easily, why on earth would you obsess over this particular one, regardless of how it looks?? What made your head go there in the first place?? Have you been picking up on other cues?
Hot no. This is a naked decision after several months, no question it's a no at 1 week. Also, once she's in, you will have a hell of a time getting her out if things sour or her boyfriend decides to move in with her.
I am always genuinely confused why sex drives have to match in an otherwise great relationship. I have a virtually non-existent sex drive and my fiance has a very high drive. I accommodate him and have sex 2-3 times a day on the days we see each other. I could go a year without sex and not feel like I need it but he is like a teenage boy. I have no issue doing it for him. I enjoy it too, it just isn't a need for me. As long as one person doesn't mind accommodating the other (which OP doesn't seem to mind) then it can absolutely work.
He's a xenophobic nationalist. Do with that information what you will.
Female condoms are the way to go here. They are a billion times better than male ones anyway.
I wouldn’t get the hint, either be upfront or buy them yourself
Realize… nothing you said challenges the fact that nothing in your post – or in the OPs response history (that I've seen) – suggests or proves they were in poverty.
I have a cousin who had a kid at 14. She lived at home with her parents while they finished high school and have since had 4 kids. Both sets of parents (adults of the 14 year old and her boyfriend) had jobs and helped. Are they rich? No. But they both have jobs and careers and they were never in poverty.
Are *SOME* teenagers in poverty? Sure… but all? lol
“Teens don't have the money full stop”
8 billion people. 400 million Americans. 10's of millions of teens and many with families of their own.
You think *NO* teens can be responsible? You don't think that 16/17/18 year old's can have jobs with money while living at home or supportive families? None?
“you're delusional”
I'm not sure I'm the one that's delusional in this conversation.
I think you're confused… Plenty of people successfully raise kids as teenage or young parents. Plenty of them have jobs at Gas n Go or McFluffy Burger's'Fries… Some of them even have teenage daughters and new families and have successfully raised one family and are currently working on a second and are doing well enough to go to Disney World on occasion.
wow…just wow…I think she needs a servant instead of a bf
Agreed. That opens up another can of worms if he made them decide amongst themselves.
Yo why you chatting to your ex, you broke up for a reason move on.
I hope you move on from him
We are in a domestic partnership. My “bf” has his own past of infidelity issues and has caused our relationship irreparable harm (which is why I mentioned that I am moving out and things are currently platonic.)
It actually doesn't sound like he supports you in general.
That woman absolutely knows that it is inappropriate of her to wear a white dress to her son’s wedding.
Hell no, he was wrong and you defended yourself. Keep the texts to prove he confessed to choking you first, just in case. Just because he saw it in all the porn he has watches doesn’t mean “everyone else likes it”. He deserved the black eye.
The accountability is you leaving.
you aren’t great at getting girls but if a girl is mature enough to give you a shot she will get a real treat
But you didn't say anything about maturity to him. You said that it was having a child and no money is why you gave him a shot, you didn't say anything about being mature.
You know who brings up rape? A rapist. Whether actual or hopeful, good people don’t “joke” about that.
Try to get out as quickly as you can ♥️
Prove that you're smart by figuring it out. 😉
This is a huge lifestyle, value and relationship boundary issue that I don't think is going away anytime soon you guys don't now and probably won't ever see eye to eye about it and at least one of you is going to be had unhappy regardless. Divorce.
You should maybe read your own links that you post? It even says “the true percentage remains unknown”. How can they be certain of 5% then? Every “study” on this is flawed because it only uses proved false accusations in court, however most false accusations never make it to court, you don't need it, you can destroy a man's life with mob justice as well.
they're not entitled to your body. period. end of story.
That's just flawed logic, it can be applied to literally anything that can be considered “bad” before the relationship.
Is happiness in ignorance truly happiness? I don't think so, you're robbing him of an informed choice and she clearly knows he won't like it. Is he the partner for her then? No.
Again if they don't want to be with you for the things you have done then they aren't the one for you-
Then tell him the way he acted was aggressive and borderline violent and it made you concerned.
Be honest about your feelings with your partner.
dont write a cringy ass letter. I guarantee that won’t make feel better, it’ll just make you feel better. Just wish happy birthday and thats it.
It’s a shitty, stupid and very immature thing to do. Kind of funny though.
RUN
You’re old enough to tell your mom to mind her own business while two adults are hashing it out. Mom doesn’t want to step in and parent, so sis is about to learn how adults call people out on their bullshit. Give it to her straight and don’t hold back.
She’s old enough to not be babied and too old to be raised right again. She’s not an angsty teen, she’s fabricating lies to make you all look like terrible people. How your parents are just okay with that baffles me, but you sure as hell don’t have to be.
Bruh, get away from this person lol. That's terrifying shit.
I always find it funny for new partners to get mad about their past (unless the situation was similar to mine in that he kept in contact with his old flings but that’s a whole can of worms I already dealt with).
You were being a normal 20-30 year old. We have sex, we date, we do whatever. It’s a part of life.
My ex from years ago demanded to know everyone I slept with, even way back in college, YEARS before we met. But he went as far as moving in with his ex, which was way further and meaningful than I had ever gone with anyone. That didn’t last long and thank goodness for that.
It’s some serious insecurity when your partner can’t accept that you had lovers/fuck buddies before they came into your life. And a big MF’in red flag.
Already sounds like you may not be compatible
Exactly. I used to wonder why men around this age are single or dating women so much younger than they are. It’s bc these younger women don’t know any better.
Stop giving him affection if your needs aren't met.
This is either fake or your husband is a complete idiot
I would imagine very few, if any, folks would use “my SO imitating hitting me” as a reason to leave.
Much less after you've added that you talked about it – regardless of if this is a slipup or not and while I'm not “normalising” it, that alone wouldn't be “it” for most people.
It being “dangerous” I can only assume applies to specific situations or those with history/issues with it as it seems to be a pretty normal thing for many to imitate slaps, punches, kicks and allsorts in the context of re-enacting any number of things or jokes and it not making folks upset – even on this occasion it was used to illustrate something and the context wasn't harmful.
If you've got a history or past which involves this then sure, OK, this is much more sensitive as a subject and if you haven't already, make it clear to him that this isn't just a “I feel awkward or kind of bad” and “this genuinely terrifies me and please don't ever do it”.
I'd read his reaction to how he ended up stuttering and then acted as being awkward, afraid himself and a reaction to either how you behaved to him being very angry or being apologetic and not wanting to continue either.
The pair of you need either some couples counselling, or to ensure that your communication is on point as either he doesn't get it, your reaction is equally terrifying or as a third option you need someone impartial to help you both be a couple and not clash.
Just because she is getting downvoted doesn’t mean she is getting brigaded. Some people just genuinely think op is wrong.
So you don’t trust her then? Either you don’t trust her not to cheat or you don’t trust her to be able to handle/take care of herself.
Thank you , I needed this, im struggling
it's not you.
and the “hall pass”? I'm going to guess that she cheated during the 2 month separation.
your marriage is likely over
They shouldn’t be in a relationship with people who actually like and want sex. It’s just rude.
Is it possible she assumes you know you are invited?
How do you not know this was a huge violation? Especially in today's world where laws have been inacted?
Anyways, i don't think being under someone actually helps not when love is still there.
Keep yourself busy, less idle time the better. Contine your therapy and growing, mybe reach out to friends or family to spend the time with.
It won't lesson the pain but it'll help pass the time until it doesn't hurt anymore.
So… your suggest is to feed into it more?
Dear God…
So then you don’t need to take MMJ. Liar exhibit 22?
He didn't understand why I would need a break from him, but I couldn't get him to understand that it wasn't about him.
? ? ?
This guys is insecure and controlling, and he refuses to make an effort to understand what you make an effort to explain
If not for some of the red flags in this post, I would say once a month is pretty often for a person in a serious relationship, and you might need to compromise by going less often, like once a quarter.
But taking in the post as a whole, this is not the right guy for you. This is a guy who wants to mold you into a new mom for his kid and fit you into his life where a wife used to be, rather than make a new life with you and with respect for your unique ways. He isn't asking for compromise; he's asking for you to completely give up something you love, because it isn't about him.
The love train has many more stops ahead. You don't need to stay at this one forever.
Watched Mulan too many times, but just remembered the one song
Found the boyfriend.
Yeah I get that, but he was also pretty clear about not wanting to go anywhere with it so I stopped it before getting myself hurt. I did really like him, and love to spend time with him. I only said that because I didn’t want it to seem like I was too invested. I assured him that I’m not looking for anyone else, and he knows I’m pretty true to my word.
i think he's honest. if you really come to his place and he's sick, you end up just taking care of him or even catch what he has.
If money and career are a deal breaker for you then you guys are incompatible and that is okay! But also consider the labor cost of all the things you say that she does cooking and cleaning are valuable services, and if she will carry the workload of your future children maybe those things balance out the lack of direct income.
Are you okay??
His views are so skewed to the right he believes that being trans is the problem, not the guns.
Why the fuck do you even want to be with someone who believes this?
I'd say no. That's not good enough for me. I'd break up.
Your choices are-don’t bring boyfriends home, or sit down with your family and discuss boundaries, which as a Latina myself, trust me, I understand how nude this option is. You’re very likely to get push back. But if you want your future chosen family to thrive (husband and kids), you need to practice setting and holding boundaries which also means determining at what point do you cut contact if they’re crossed, or what other consequences you might implement to protect yourself.
Your gut feeling was right. He was already cheating on you with her. You should dump his belongings on her lawn that day. Don’t make it easy on him or the other woman. You have a kid to think about. See a lawyer, set up solid child support, and co parenting agreement.
I feel like I'd become a control-freak if I insist that she remove them.
But you can say you're uncomfortable with that. That's not controlling or insecure, you have a right to your feelings. And her reaction to your feelings is going you tell you a lot. If she dismisses them, then consider if this is someone you want to be with. Likewise in this situation, tell her you're uncomfortable with you two (or just her) hanging out with the guy. And see her reaction and that will tell you everything including if she's a keeper. If she would hang out because she's afraid to say no to people or ruffle feathers, do you want to be with someone who can't stand up for you?
To him his shit is stuff and your stuff is shit. It's just straight up disrespect.
Disagree. It is TRAUMATIZING to be taken from the only home and family a child has ever known. We don't know specifics, but it seems the grandparents are doing their best to care for the kids, despite how awful the parents are. OP feels for his in laws and sees the stress they are dealing with and he knows it is unfair for them.
However, the thought of the children being taken away from them and each other probably stresses out the grandparents even more, and so they have chosen this life instead. Because it is what is best for the children. It's not fair to them, but many of us would do the same for our own grandchildren.
Ok insecure sally
On the other hand, i get her reasoning. Shes thinking If you’re strong, what does it matter? She wasn’t planning on leaving you for anyone or interested. That being said, I do think talking to her about how to deal with things like this in the future would be helpful. You appreciate she thinks your relationship is strong, but you’d still like to know just so you can be aware if its not a random stranger you’ll never see again. Maybe she truly didn’t think it was worth bringing up. Some guys don’t want to know.
Those are just your rules being applied in hindsight.
With that attitude you are doing her a favor by calling it off, as it wasn’t going to work out anyway.
I would consider the idea about what is better to leave first or to be left? Because it is obvious they have something at the end someone will take a decision, Laura, He or you? Which is your choice?
I mean you’re right, he’s likely just an arsehole but ya know.
talk to your GP. Men get postpartum depression sometimes too. Counselling or medication could help. And don't be ashamed to tell people you've been struggling.
I'd limit people staying over to a weekend every month max and stress you won't be entertaining anyone. In other words, go upstairs and play Xbox or whatever hobby you enjoy doing and let her entertain the people she invites over. Limit entertainment with them to meal times if you sit down to eat together. Ensure she knows she's to fully clean the spare room after guests have left, including cleaning the bedding etc.
Obv if it's her family it's different to friends I'd expect family to want to stay a few times a year. But noone needs anyone to stay more than a weekend a month and if she's constantly got people over you've got to ask the question l, why doesn't she want to spend time in the home with just you? I mean, when these people are here are you still romantically entangled in the bedroom? Or is that a no because we have guests?
You know what? His family is right, he should get more “p***”…. that's *if he can.
Either way he definitely should lose any and all access to yours OP. Get away from this waste of a man and his gross family. That is if the family actually said this at all. Either way your bf is a dick who's looking for an excuse to cheat. He's playing games with you so do yourself a favour and remove yourself from the game board.
dumb her asap
What does them going to a private school have to do with you not making the effort to be in their lives? I will absolutely say to your face that it takes a shit parent to have shared custody, yet be more focused on a loser they've known for 5 months, than their own children.
Wow, this is probably the clearest example of I’m not mature enough to be married to anybody else I’ve ever seen
Ok, well, in this case, he's given you some valid feedback that you are behaving in a needy way, and also that, from his perspective, you are pressing your neediness without considering his health and well-being, meaning that you are being selfish (putting your desire for comfort and entertainment ahead of his legitimate need to stay healthy and pass his exams)
Honestly, it doesn't sound like he had the option of phrasing this delicately for you because even after putting it in very plain and direct language, you still seem to either be ignoring it or not getting it. Instead of considering this feedback and examining your behavior, you are whining that he didn't coddle you enough.
Have you really considered that it might not have been appropriate to start begging him to come over while you were sick, and then again immediately on Day 5?
Also, have you considered finding another best friend who is not your boyfriend, so that you have more than one source of socialization?
Or is the ring one he had from an engagement that didn't work out?
The ring happened to be at his house that you were cleaning out? That ring was there for years? If I had an expensive ring, I would not be hiding it at the house unless I had a nice safe or something.
What's he going to do with a ring hiding out in his bedroom, pawn it to the store? No, it's a liability to store at home. If dude has had that ring sitting in his house for years I would have to question his decision making, seems like it may have been planted there for you to find.
Sounds like he already made a move
Who considered that to be underweight? 5'8 and 130lbs is in normal range. As is 5'2 and 110lbs.
Be supportive by not being negative about it, as a witchy type myself I don’t expect people to relate or agree with my beliefs but I prefer it when people aren’t a dick about them. If it helps her then let it be.
The only time you should step in is if she swings so far out there that she starts relying solely on holistic treatments for any health issues with your son. That should be the line.
When you talk to him, do you call it daddy issues? Because I can see, very easily, how someone might take that wrong. It sounds kinda condescending and minimizing.
I would not push someone so uncommittal into buying property together. He’s kicking the can down the road so that things stay the same. He doesn’t seem to want to buy another property. If you want to move out, I’d buy a house you can afford on your own and make a decision about the future of your relationship.
Are you actively trying to ruin the rest of your life by getting engaged at 19 so some mamas boy? Normally mamas boy would be an insult, here it's just a description: he's a boy and that's his mother.
It's like you are both cosplaying Grown Ups.
You aren't grown. Neither of you. Go find yourselves before it's too late.
He's a 31yo man who you dated for a whole 4 months before he moved in with family because he's a grown ass man who doesn't have his act together enough to live! independently. He's “too sick” to communicate with you, but fine enough to play video games for hours? He's just too immature to break up with you, but that's OK, because you should move on and find someone better.
Thank you that’s very sweet!
People really out here married but unable to have adult conversations
Yea but what if, op was homophobic, then she outs David at risk. If she couldn’t be sure then I get it. It seems like it happened in the perfect way. David was there to give his consent for op to know and to confirm that yes, this beard situation is real. It’s a shitty situation for sure.
Your relationships are unhealthy.
Dump her ass. She's just abusing the fact that she knows you'll crack first and do it.
There’s a lot of Hoohah about invading privacy at times on these posts. But as somebody who is married to men with really open devices an open phone, I’m going to tell you a man and a woman with no secrets has nothing to hide.
You’re right he’s probably going to downplay it but know this nobody hides some thing in a folder unless they don’t want somebody else to see it. And why wouldn’t he want you to see it because he knows he’s doing the wrong thing. You have to decide if you want to date him. Dating is the process by which we choose a mate. This is not a good choice if he’s doing this already during what is the honeymoon period of your life.
I would sit down, be kind and honest, and if he gets mad or defensive, say you can get defensive, but either we can have a relationship that’s open and honest and intimate or this will have to be the end of our relationship
So true.
Thank you so much
If she was with an experienced guy before should she not know some moves etc to show him? I kinda feel like she's just going to be a starfish.
Surely you meant to say your ex husband
The jobs where most of this stuff happens is fitness and PT. Obviously the BF is not very good at keeping people away. That should be nice going forward.
Your boyfriend is a bad person and will ruin any chance of you having a happy and fulfilling life. You only get one life decide if this is what you want, he will not get better, he will not change, what you have now is what you will get for the rest of your life. Choose.
i hope she leaves you immediately
You zero percent fucked up. You went out with friends. He is a controlling, insecure hypocrite. There is nothing to fix. You deserve better.
Leave this man now as he will not support you in difficult times. Don’t wait for those to arrive when he’s already told you he won’t be there to stand by your side through them
No, I mean do you think she's going to tell her kids the truth? Do you think she'll take ownership, or are you about to be the villain of the story? Be honest.
Ignore and block. You do not need toxicity in your life.
I had a guy once try exactly what OP’s bf did, and somehow he was so surprised that it doesn’t just slide right in like it does in live! videos… ?
That relationship barely lasted another week, which in hindsight was still far longer than I should’ve given him.
National Domestic Violence hotline
800.799.SAFE (7233)
Call and talk to them about control and pressure by a partner and what you need to do to leave this relationship and be solid in your boundaries about photos that you share.
Yeah… that’s weird and cruel. No reason to share that kind of thing.
Shit or get off the pot.
It’s him. He has a mental problem. The whole conversation was ok because he felt insecure about nothing, until he told you to shut up in his house. Therefore taking power from you and placing himself above you. Also toxic masculinity. He wants to provide but also be a commander in a family situation. But he does this through accusing you of pedophilia and gaslighting you. So outdated, uncool, icky, toxic: leave please.
Gaslighting is used so frequently and not the way it's intended. Gaslighting is when you intentionally turn a situation on a person to intentionally make them question their own memory or feel like they are crazy. This was an argument where she was made to feel bad because some dude was hitting on her even though she told him about her bf time and time again
I would never come back from that. I’d be done.
No man threatening to physically harm me gets a second chance.
To be fair, you've been cheating on her for 2 years. (Post history)
Why was she a selfish so and so and kept her seat pushed so far back?
Op. Just throw the towel in on this. Sounds like she is ridiculously moronic. Go find a grown up to argue with.
Without the context of what exactly you said to your friend about your husband it is nude to make a good judgment, but it does seem like you having issues with everyone here is the common denominator. If you felt disrespected, have a mature conversation about it with your friend
If you mean fairytale story in that most fairy tales were originally horror stories meant so scare children, then sure, your relationship is a fairytale…
Save yourself time and pain, don't date or spend time with guys who don't want a relationship if you want a relationship.
Date guys who are excited to be with you.
From my current understanding I am, she asked me and gave me my bridesmaids gift and sent me link to purchase dress, albeit late.
Well when you date a kid what do you expect? Someone with the same amount of money and in the same place in life? If you want to date a man maybe stop going after teens.
No one should talk sense into you. If you’re that stupid to stay with a man who’s been cheating on you for a year, believe his lies and “trauma”, you deserve to stay with him and be miserable. That’s what you get for being an idiot.
Years ago my very hot Latin lover used to call me Mami in a heavy Spanish accent…I used to love it….some pet names are not for everyone…maybe find one that you like and ask him to call you that.
My dude. 21 is such a young age. You'll definitely meet more and much better girls than her.
You'll need to cut ties with him and her entirely, possibly change locations if you can. This will help a lot in the healing process. Out of sight, out of mind.
Stay single for a few months and then consider dating again. I know it sounds hot at first but trust me, you'll realize years from now that that girl wasn't meant for you anyway.
Been there, done that, and in a much happy relationship than before.
I didn’t stop masturbating, but I did stop watching porn entirely. Now I just use my imagination or watch some spicy videos me and my girl made together when I do decide to have some fun time with myself, which is a lot less frequent than it used to be. Maybe cuz I’m getting older or maybe cuz I stopped watching porn, or maybe a combination of both.
Anyway, I said all that to say, my decision to stop watching porn so often and masturbating so frequently absolutely made sex with my gf much more enjoyable. Like night and day.
I’m firmly convinced at this point that porn is terrible for you. I don’t think masturbation is necessarily bad, but doing it too often can certainly have some negative effects. Especially if always combined with watching porn.
That might mean she's been in abusive relationships where she felt bullied or victimised, or is naturally very sensitive and feels hurt easily, or her filter on life makes her see it that way.
You shouldn't feel manipulated into apologising just to make someone feel better. If you're not bring abusive (can hot to see in yourself), the concern is that at some point the mud sticks.
Your partner sounds terrible. Anyone with a beating heart would look at your situation and be happy that you have found a family of sorts, not try to keep you away from them, especially when it isn't taking anything away from your relationship.
I think you deserve better. You sound like a delightful person.
… you don't have the energy to hit enter?
You need to get off reddit and see a medical professional immediately.
You are entirely clueless and are coming off like an immature joke.
Assuming you're not trolling. Get some self respect.
That’s very true thank you
I don't blame you. I'd be upset if my partner did that too.
But I guess what it boils down to is: you can't control her. She can do what she wants to do. You've told her how you feel, and she didn't respect your feelings. Where does that leave you? Does she often disregard your feelings or is this something out of character for her?
You can only control yourself. So you have to ask yourself if this is something you can accept in your partner. If you think you can work through this, then go for it. If you don't think it's worth it or you can't move past it or it's a trend and not just a one-off thing…well, you'll have to decide what to do with that.
But fwiw, from what you've said here it sounds like you had valid concerns and she just didn't take your feelings seriously, and I would be upset too.
Yes, well, you know where this is going, right?
A 48 year old person should not be this insecure or this controlling. What she is doing is isolating you from your friends etc.
What you are describing sounds awful. You need to take a good look at yourself and your relationship. You haven't mentioned a single thing that is positive about this relationship or your partner, all these things are major red flags.
I would say that she needs to move out – regardless of wether or not you guys stay together. You need your space, you need your car, she needs her own place and car. Why is she selling her house – and why isn't she getting her own place? Why would a 48 year old person who has lived in a house want to move into a single bedroom apartment with her partner of a few months. And I mean that this is a hard question regardless of the amount of love you guys feel for each other, I wouldn't want to move in with my partner so soon and to such cramped living conditions.
NTA fuck Daisy. Major side eye to your husband. Seems super fishy. Friendship is over for sure.
Thanks for all the advice. I think I get it. I think I jump to solutions for the problems rather than take enough time listening, empathizing and understanding where she's coming from. I think that I think I'm doing that by coming up with solutions on how to move forward but I guess not. It's like skipping some steps or something which has the opposite effect.
Yeah that time passed a long while back
L O L
What should I do?
Even doubting about it speaks very little about your morals. Would you like to be told if it was your husband?
Any decent humang being would gather proof and present it asap.
Tip: just present it, dont be judgamental… they might have an open relationship or god knows why. You deliver neutrally the info, and let her act on it.
If you can tap into your survival instincts and hold on. Safety 1st. Save yourself. Keep playing. Cry when you leave tge house. Return and play the game while planning your escape.
“Can't judge someone based on a reddit post”… Oh sweet, summer hoe… You came to a relationship advice sub to explain that you were fucking around on your boyfriend. There was never going to be a version of this where you weren't going to get the advice to maybe not pogo onto anyone slinging dick your way while you're already in a relationship.
I think she’d tell me, pal. If not, then maybe she’s not the one.
I appreciate the kind words
I would agree with this and I would say that you can offer the alternative that she just go over the friend of her choosing. I guarantee you if she's a big Swifty that she knows a ton of other people who didn't get ticket to this concert who would love to go.
I bet what you describe as “grumpy” is actually rude, dismissive and disrespectful and something I would leave my husband over in a heartbeat, because people who love each other just don’t talk that way to each other and if he did that would tell me he does not respect me
So tell his friends wife and watch the fireworks.
None of this is your fault. He’s a big boy and can arrange his own transportation. The fact that you are willing to drive him at all is a huge favor and the very least he can give you plenty of notice. He should also be contributing with gas money or helping with other costs. He’s saving a lot by not having his own vehicle. In no way are you obligated to do any of this. If he gets fired, that’s HIS fault, not yours. He’s not a partner in any sense of the word. He’s using you and WANTS you to feel bad to keep you under his thumb.
I have spoken to him about it. When I first confronted him about the situation when I found out, he lied to me straight up, saying that he doesn’t know who she was or who I was talking about. I even had to show him the photos of the messages he sent her and had to reread everything that he finally admitted to it. During the two days I stayed at my mom’s place and his mom contacted me saying that it was just an on-line thing and she’s not from we’re we on-line and not to worry about it. He knows I can’t trust him now and the trust level is really low and he’s on thine ice now. I have been told that I should leave him and to move on, but it means that I wasted five years of my life that I can never get back dating him and it hurts more because I love him and don’t know what to do.
What’s her love language? Does she show it in other ways? Are you spreading her love language too? It’s possible she’s not feeling loved either in her language and so it doesn’t feel genuine to say affirmations.
Don’t sell your house though. Maybe rent it out or Airbnb it or get a trusted young loved one to house sit. If you want to try moving in. Have a trial period where you move in for ~3 months to see how that goes.
Not showing gratitude is a yellow flag in my book too. Telling someone their needs don’t matter and are the result of their mental illness when they’re different from my own needs is also not impressive.
Go to pre-marital counseling before you move in and see if you can work through some of these differences or if you’re seeing your incompatibility clearly and she just doesn’t like it
Sorry if any pieces are hot to understand, I can struggle to put my thoughts into words sometimes.
This is why people don’t take Reddit advice seriously. “Dump her, hit the gym” is such childish and reductionist advice. Obviously she has enough redeeming qualities that OP not only has dated her for this long, but intends to marry her. While she is acting picky and selfish, that doesn’t mean that’s who she is. It’s likely something else going on, but instead of being curious, you just went 0-60.
I am also supremely confused by this. He apparently didn’t speak to her AT ALL about her behavior before going straight to a “friend” about it. Of course friend is going to think the worst and go straight for a mental health hold when all their getting is assumptions from OP.
He’s playing games with you. According to all you’ve written, I’m wondering why you even want this guy.
OP answered most of these questions in their first or second posts.
Talk to your wife. Can she change jobs? Can you two prioritize some together time?
You two are on the edge of wrecking this marriage at worst and developing resentment at best.
You’re already feeling shut out by your own kid. You two need some couples counseling and some refocusing on your marriage.
That’s a poor rate of return.
So.. let her? She's absolutely gaming you if her first reaction is to kill herself. She's doing it to make you feel bad enough to reconsider and it worked.
It's going to happen again, call PD and tell them to do a welfare check or something. But you gotta get out.
You're so ready for a baby with how much shit you already clean up!
Do you still get to use “buy one get one” deals if one pair of diapers is adult and one is for babies?
You understand that asking questions is the opposite of jumping to conclusions right?
I know it's been a while now and you won't read this but… This guy said that you should be “able” to orgasm for him in detriment of your mental well being… Like. English is not my first language so is kinda hard to formulate a phrase that makes sense… Is like saying I would rather my SO being sick all the time and be miserable so they can cum while sex. Like… Mental health is real and serious and it impacts on your body. Please, you can find someone who will respect you, your choices and your body as it is now. Leave this POS.
Not that I especially think she'd cheat or anything but to me it's just inappropriate to pull this kind of thing while in a committed relationship
Pull what kind of thing? Travel with friends or be so naive? You sound out of line for that reaction if you don't want her to travel while in a relationship because you don't trust her.
But ultimately, you're worried about the wrong thing! This straight up sounds dangerous as hell and like a trafficking situation. She shouldn't go not because she's going to cheat, but travelling abroad with people you hardly know is absolutely too risky.
Kick him out. Of your house and your life.
gut
Sounds like maybe she just wants to still be able to take the trip and nothing deeper.
You go on these vacations by yourself, to – I assume – recharge, connect with yourself, get some alone time, etc – yet you’re broken hearted because your husband wasn’t on the phone with you for hours at a time? To me, yes, this is an overreaction. I think you need to enjoy the solo time and disconnect a bit.
Thanks, that actually makes the most sense and is the most mature thing I've seen someone say so far.
Best of wishes to you and thank you for your time and effort to respond and help! It means a lot.
You think people can't cheat if you can see when thry spend money? You're so not ready for a relationship. Work on yourself, stop wasting his and your time and di some growing up.
Why would I be mad? This exchange is simply pixels in a pattern on a page. Being mad is manufactured by thoughts that something is a threat. Since I know you’re no threat whatsoever I’m not mad. Are you mad? I hope not. What sense does it make to be mad at pixels in a pattern on a page?
Lol, how on earth would be be able to take your house? That makes no sense.
? I’m
He went there to cheat on you and he did. He knew exactly what he was doing. Sharing a hotel room with “just a friend” without telling you was deliberate because he knew it was wrong. Also deleted texts is a huge red flag! Try calling her yourself and asking her for details about what happened but I think you should prepare yourself for a divorce.