As a side benefit, you also teach him that his behavior leads to loss of relationships. Though I suspect heâll do a lot more bad things to someone else.
I feel like he doesnât really love ME but he just wants to love and be loved. Like itâs not about ME, Iâm just whoâs here right now.
Male perspective here. I think you are on point here.
He is either affection starved or just unable to handle his emotions properly and also he's trying to show off that he has gf now and he doesn't really care who the gf is as long as he has one(judging from the public inappropriate touching etc). I'm ashamed to admit but I was in that mindset when I was 18-19 but luckily I've managed to grow up by making a lot of mistakes and also it took few more years before I was ready for having relationship.
Anyway he is not ready for relationship. He needs to grow up and understand that relationship is not only saying “I love you” and having sex, you probably have to sit him down and talk openly about what's been bothering you and just put it on the table like you did in this post and you'll see where to go from there.
This might not be as much of an issue as you think. Why did she lie to you? Because she thought you wouldnât enjoy talking to an 18yo. Why did she want you to enjoy talking to her? Because she liked you. Why did she like you? Why did she feel the need to lie to make you like her? This is the crux youâd need to get to.
If she lied to you with the intention to make you like her because you have something she wants (money? status? a cool car? who knows!), then this is more of a nefarious lie than for these other reasons.
Wanting to fit in is a very natural human desire/need.
Disclaimer: Iâm also European so the age situation REALLY doesnât bother me because either way, she was over 16 and fully able to consent even if maybe at the time you had sex, she wasnât 18 yet.
Additionally OP, do you see enough of a future with this person that you would let your girlfriend move in with you if her housing situation became untenable? Because it may be escalating toward that or a coerced break-up on your girlfriend's side so she can be safe/not suddenly homeless.
At this point he knows. All you can do is explain to him what it means (possibility of not having kids, chronic pain etc) and ask him if that is something he is fine with no matter what direction is goes. Something tells me he is in it for you, not the condition, so just be honest going forward so he knows what to expect and not be scared to death whenever you may need to goto the hospital.
Your partner shouldnât be jealous of you spending a little time with kids, very unnecessary. OP, I hope youâre not being taken advantage off in this situation, if you love helping your friend and you donât mind any of it then thatâs perfectly fine. But if youâre doing every single thing that your friend asks
Your boyfriend is not stupid. Your boyfriend is a grown man. If he was behaving this way to another woman who was âtoo naiveâ to know he was flirting with her, would that still be OK with you? Because he canât tell when people are flirting of course. Your boyfriend knows exactly what he is doing by allowing this type of behavior. He should have nipped this in the bud long ago
I would call him and simply admit your mistake and tell him what you told us here. Iâm sure he would understand you have a lot on your plate. Ask if he is willing to work with you again and give you another chance. Also make sure you pay him what heâs due. Lol. If heâs not willing find someone else.
Just being pregnant isn't a great reason to bring a whole human into the world. Do you want to raise a child right now, probably alone? Do you want to change your priorities completely? If you don't actively want a baby please don't have one.
I kind of get it. I would probably break up with my bf if his ex is prettier and better than me. I don't think its an insecurity at all – its just facts you know? If she broke up with him then its likely that he's not really over her or probably couldn't find someone as good as her so he picked the best he could get – a woman 11 yrs younger than him. If he broke up with her then I would probably believe that he's over her. Its just how I see it.
You're not insecure for knowing someone is better and prettier than you. I'd say it's more delusional to think you're better than everyone.
I see what youâre saying. Youâre not wrong, that was an option. Only thing Iâd say is that I didnât need a night to process the argument. But my emotions after a whole shitty day culminating in that small, yet not exactly pleasant argument. Thank for your take tho, it helped see things a little better from her pov.
So basically sheâs saying whoever it is she trusts more than you AND doesnât care about you enough to even admit who it is she trusts more/believes etc?
??
It also could be that sheâs having doubts of her own and is trying in a really weird way to push you away so she doesnât have to end the engagement you do.
Just make it so obvious and put in on my arm or something haha
Get out NOW. Protect yourself. This is abuse.
As a side benefit, you also teach him that his behavior leads to loss of relationships. Though I suspect heâll do a lot more bad things to someone else.
I feel like he doesnât really love ME but he just wants to love and be loved. Like itâs not about ME, Iâm just whoâs here right now.
Male perspective here. I think you are on point here.
He is either affection starved or just unable to handle his emotions properly and also he's trying to show off that he has gf now and he doesn't really care who the gf is as long as he has one(judging from the public inappropriate touching etc). I'm ashamed to admit but I was in that mindset when I was 18-19 but luckily I've managed to grow up by making a lot of mistakes and also it took few more years before I was ready for having relationship.
Anyway he is not ready for relationship. He needs to grow up and understand that relationship is not only saying “I love you” and having sex, you probably have to sit him down and talk openly about what's been bothering you and just put it on the table like you did in this post and you'll see where to go from there.
It honestly sounds like he wrote this as a coverup in the hopes that his GF would find it and assume what he wrote is the truth hahahaha
This might not be as much of an issue as you think. Why did she lie to you? Because she thought you wouldnât enjoy talking to an 18yo. Why did she want you to enjoy talking to her? Because she liked you. Why did she like you? Why did she feel the need to lie to make you like her? This is the crux youâd need to get to.
If she lied to you because she genuinely liked you that much and was so smitted with or enchanted by you, then this is not a nefarious lie. Itâs an eagerness to please you thatâs perhaps born of naivitĂ©.
If she lied to you with the intention to make you like her because you have something she wants (money? status? a cool car? who knows!), then this is more of a nefarious lie than for these other reasons.
Wanting to fit in is a very natural human desire/need.
Disclaimer: Iâm also European so the age situation REALLY doesnât bother me because either way, she was over 16 and fully able to consent even if maybe at the time you had sex, she wasnât 18 yet.
Additionally OP, do you see enough of a future with this person that you would let your girlfriend move in with you if her housing situation became untenable? Because it may be escalating toward that or a coerced break-up on your girlfriend's side so she can be safe/not suddenly homeless.
He's the one putting YOU
At this point he knows. All you can do is explain to him what it means (possibility of not having kids, chronic pain etc) and ask him if that is something he is fine with no matter what direction is goes. Something tells me he is in it for you, not the condition, so just be honest going forward so he knows what to expect and not be scared to death whenever you may need to goto the hospital.
I followed that sub
Your partner shouldnât be jealous of you spending a little time with kids, very unnecessary. OP, I hope youâre not being taken advantage off in this situation, if you love helping your friend and you donât mind any of it then thatâs perfectly fine. But if youâre doing every single thing that your friend asks
Your boyfriend is not stupid. Your boyfriend is a grown man. If he was behaving this way to another woman who was âtoo naiveâ to know he was flirting with her, would that still be OK with you? Because he canât tell when people are flirting of course. Your boyfriend knows exactly what he is doing by allowing this type of behavior. He should have nipped this in the bud long ago
I would call him and simply admit your mistake and tell him what you told us here. Iâm sure he would understand you have a lot on your plate. Ask if he is willing to work with you again and give you another chance. Also make sure you pay him what heâs due. Lol. If heâs not willing find someone else.
Just being pregnant isn't a great reason to bring a whole human into the world. Do you want to raise a child right now, probably alone? Do you want to change your priorities completely? If you don't actively want a baby please don't have one.
Sorry it's been your reality as well x
I don't have a reason to have high self esteem. Once I've got a reason I'll have it but until then
I kind of get it. I would probably break up with my bf if his ex is prettier and better than me. I don't think its an insecurity at all – its just facts you know? If she broke up with him then its likely that he's not really over her or probably couldn't find someone as good as her so he picked the best he could get – a woman 11 yrs younger than him. If he broke up with her then I would probably believe that he's over her. Its just how I see it.
You're not insecure for knowing someone is better and prettier than you. I'd say it's more delusional to think you're better than everyone.
I see what youâre saying. Youâre not wrong, that was an option. Only thing Iâd say is that I didnât need a night to process the argument. But my emotions after a whole shitty day culminating in that small, yet not exactly pleasant argument. Thank for your take tho, it helped see things a little better from her pov.
So basically sheâs saying whoever it is she trusts more than you AND doesnât care about you enough to even admit who it is she trusts more/believes etc?
??
It also could be that sheâs having doubts of her own and is trying in a really weird way to push you away so she doesnât have to end the engagement you do.
Are you sure sheâs as into this as you are?