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I don't think you should cross that bridge until you get to it, and family is hugely important. You really want to do everything you can to avoid a break with your family.
But you should consider that by not accepting your husband, the reality of it is that your mom doesn't respect you or your choices. By being disrespectful of him, she is disrespectful of you.
If it comes to that, you might want to tell her that.
Thank you for the advice! I hope that asking him to be specific won't push him away. I feel like I deserve honesty about where our relationship is going since it's been 4 years going on 5. He seems to be very cautious based on his past relationships,though, all of his relationships were from highschool. I'm thinking he may need counseling since they seem to be affecting him. I'd be happy to go with him.
I mean, y’all were drinking so it probably wasn’t so much a “I have to tell you something about your wife”, more a slip of the tongue like “oh I remember when they dated” or something.
Since it’s only been a few days that’s good, you say things are getting better which shows progress, so probs just some more time will do the trick as long as he doesn’t go nuts with making demands of you. Maybe planning something special like a romantic gesture or something to bring you two together and help move some of those negative feelings aside?
She already ruined that relationship. My new gf broke up with me 1 month after this.
We had sex around 4 months ago so that’s why I’m having doubts.
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You had a keeper and you threw him away.
I wish my ex had been monogamous (and honest). He wouldn’t be my ex.
You had gold and didn’t realise it so you traded it for casual, meaningless sex, like my ex did.
There are consequences to that.
What's the point then?
You're the one projecting that her relationship is worth less because it doesn't have a “Married” stamp on it.
If she wants to blow up her life, she's more than welcome to.
You all are certainly rooting for her to do that.
Just so you know an addict has a relationship with the drug for the rest of their life. There is no having a few here and there. That’s how people relapse.
Fair enough, though be aware that part of how you cope with your trauma is through helping/rescuing and you have to be careful with the situations that can put you in. Like if you get trapped with a narcissist who is basically like a black hole sucking up attention then your tendency will potentially lead to burnout.
And the discussion then becomes, well, is he that black hole. Perhaps not yet but he is definitely slipping down that slope and it is a worry. You will have to be real about that.
While your approach isn't wrong per se be aware unless he deals with that core insecurity you will find that nothing will ever change, you will only ever be treating the symptoms. And as I noted, given he is getting worse I think you are seeing the reality of that start to come to into play.
disagreeing on fundamentals for long term relationships (religion, politics, marriage, children, etc
I don't want to feel like I missed out on the perfect happy ending
These two statements are in conflict. How can it be the perfect happy ending if you two have fundamental disagreements that would prevent a perfect happy ending? There's no such thing as a perfect happy ending anyway. People are people, they're all different, and there's no 100% compatibility out there. If you're unwilling to move home with her (or her move to you), the relationship is dead based on that intention alone.
No.. I haven’t been married or anything like that. This is my first living in relationship but I think my low self esteem gets me in situations like this.