Yes – OP has every right to feel judged. Because she is being judged – In her view unfairly. In his view fairly.
Different points of view but ultimately every person has the right to reject anyone else. That's the core concept of consent. You don't even need a reason. It's just consent. I want to or I don't want to.
The world can debate his point of view or hers but he has every right to make his choice and it is 100% valid to choose not to date a person, any person, for any reason.
Have you had a conversation with your father and asked him what kind of support he needs?
Yes, cancer is a horrible illness, but it's also very unpredictable. No one can predict how long someone has. Doctors can give educated guesses based upon many factors, but I've been through it multiple times with multiple family members. So far, none of the doctor's estimates were exactly correct. Some were close, but some were very off.
You need to know what type of treatment options they have offered him.
Before you uproot your entire life, come up with a plan. I know your emotions are very raw right now, but you need to approach this strategically. Talk to your sister and father. It might work better if you can travel home for a week or so and give your sister a break. I don't know your family, but I'm not sure your father would want you to lose your job.
He didn't forget. But even if he did, he was comfortable having sex with your passed out body. There is no way he thought an unmoving body was into it.
Ya'll are incompatible. And the talk about opinions on marriage should've been had much earlier.
But all I see folks here are berating the guy. Let's play devil's advocate for a second.
See the divorce rate in the US, and which partner initiates divorce more. And then add the fact that prenups can be thrown out depending on the judge. Knowing that rate at which a guy will lose a house, half of a 401k, vehicles, savings, primary access to his kids, and the added emotional pain on top…. all at the whim of his partner…. well, that doesn't sound like a good deal at all. Would you take that deal? And the law is incentivized that way, as long as he has a higher net worth or salary than his partner. Folks… it's not misogynistic to point out that reality.
I'm not saying you're a gold digger or after his money. What you have to do sometimes take a step back and see the other side of things, and don't let your emotions cloud your judgement.
I've seen what divorce did to my uncle. She took so much from him. He was THE uncle, the one you go to for any help, the guy who would bring a smile to anyone's face. He was happy with his marriage, a successful doctor, and just seemed to have the life. And then she divorced him. He didn't cheat, he wasn't an alcoholic, and he never raised his voice. But she divorced him. And it permanently changed him. He had to buy her out from his own house. He had to give her a car. He gave her so much money (I know this, because she ended up going on parties after the divorce based on her pics on her insta). But the worst was that he trusted and loved her, and she tore his heart. He's lucky he didn't have a kid yet, or the worst would've happen, and I probably wouldn't have my uncle alive. He's lucky he had a massive family to support him… but it doesn't mean he's not permanently scarred.
And this isn't rare. Many cases of divorces like this happen (given that roughly 80% of divorces are initiated by women in the States), and it just cripples the guy. As a guy, your BF is probably thinking the same.
So you got either 2 things. You can break up, be single for a bit and then find another partner and inform your opinions on marriage from the get-go. OR you have some serious, but calm, talks with your BF, like adults. You talk to him why he thinks that way, and if you've showed signs to pull anything like that. If he still feels he'll get bled dry in divorce, you can talk to him about inheritance money not being divided in divorce (although there can be exceptions). You could also contact a divorce lawyer about it with him.
If hasn't shown any prior signs otherwise, don't think he doesn't love you. That's your emotions. Calm down and think logically about the scenario. If he has shown red flags of being distant in the past 5 years outside of the marriage issue, then you may want to split. If not, then don't let your mind go towards extremes.
OP, whatever you do, good luck, and most importantly, think with your brain, not with your heart.
You have the start then, because you apologised already. Start with doing it again, and go from there.
Look, I'm not going to go onto the miefield that you're in because everyone has said it all (age difference, history of the gf, psychosis of the ex). But I'm backing that you've thought of all this and still clearly care about her to make this work.
But your ONE play here is transparency and leaving it to her. Showing that you're different from the other men that she's most definitely been hurt by and letting her make her choice is the one path to success. Because she has to, at minimum, try to believe you.
Your narcissism is showing, congratulations you played yourself lmao
This should be the top answer.
Yes – OP has every right to feel judged. Because she is being judged – In her view unfairly. In his view fairly.
Different points of view but ultimately every person has the right to reject anyone else. That's the core concept of consent. You don't even need a reason. It's just consent. I want to or I don't want to.
The world can debate his point of view or hers but he has every right to make his choice and it is 100% valid to choose not to date a person, any person, for any reason.
Have you had a conversation with your father and asked him what kind of support he needs?
Yes, cancer is a horrible illness, but it's also very unpredictable. No one can predict how long someone has. Doctors can give educated guesses based upon many factors, but I've been through it multiple times with multiple family members. So far, none of the doctor's estimates were exactly correct. Some were close, but some were very off.
You need to know what type of treatment options they have offered him.
Before you uproot your entire life, come up with a plan. I know your emotions are very raw right now, but you need to approach this strategically. Talk to your sister and father. It might work better if you can travel home for a week or so and give your sister a break. I don't know your family, but I'm not sure your father would want you to lose your job.
So why do you think that exactly?
He didn't forget. But even if he did, he was comfortable having sex with your passed out body. There is no way he thought an unmoving body was into it.
Ya'll are incompatible. And the talk about opinions on marriage should've been had much earlier.
But all I see folks here are berating the guy. Let's play devil's advocate for a second.
See the divorce rate in the US, and which partner initiates divorce more. And then add the fact that prenups can be thrown out depending on the judge. Knowing that rate at which a guy will lose a house, half of a 401k, vehicles, savings, primary access to his kids, and the added emotional pain on top…. all at the whim of his partner…. well, that doesn't sound like a good deal at all. Would you take that deal? And the law is incentivized that way, as long as he has a higher net worth or salary than his partner. Folks… it's not misogynistic to point out that reality.
I'm not saying you're a gold digger or after his money. What you have to do sometimes take a step back and see the other side of things, and don't let your emotions cloud your judgement.
I've seen what divorce did to my uncle. She took so much from him. He was THE uncle, the one you go to for any help, the guy who would bring a smile to anyone's face. He was happy with his marriage, a successful doctor, and just seemed to have the life. And then she divorced him. He didn't cheat, he wasn't an alcoholic, and he never raised his voice. But she divorced him. And it permanently changed him. He had to buy her out from his own house. He had to give her a car. He gave her so much money (I know this, because she ended up going on parties after the divorce based on her pics on her insta). But the worst was that he trusted and loved her, and she tore his heart. He's lucky he didn't have a kid yet, or the worst would've happen, and I probably wouldn't have my uncle alive. He's lucky he had a massive family to support him… but it doesn't mean he's not permanently scarred.
And this isn't rare. Many cases of divorces like this happen (given that roughly 80% of divorces are initiated by women in the States), and it just cripples the guy. As a guy, your BF is probably thinking the same.
So you got either 2 things. You can break up, be single for a bit and then find another partner and inform your opinions on marriage from the get-go. OR you have some serious, but calm, talks with your BF, like adults. You talk to him why he thinks that way, and if you've showed signs to pull anything like that. If he still feels he'll get bled dry in divorce, you can talk to him about inheritance money not being divided in divorce (although there can be exceptions). You could also contact a divorce lawyer about it with him.
If hasn't shown any prior signs otherwise, don't think he doesn't love you. That's your emotions. Calm down and think logically about the scenario. If he has shown red flags of being distant in the past 5 years outside of the marriage issue, then you may want to split. If not, then don't let your mind go towards extremes.
OP, whatever you do, good luck, and most importantly, think with your brain, not with your heart.
You have the start then, because you apologised already. Start with doing it again, and go from there.
Look, I'm not going to go onto the miefield that you're in because everyone has said it all (age difference, history of the gf, psychosis of the ex). But I'm backing that you've thought of all this and still clearly care about her to make this work.
But your ONE play here is transparency and leaving it to her. Showing that you're different from the other men that she's most definitely been hurt by and letting her make her choice is the one path to success. Because she has to, at minimum, try to believe you.
Don't insult teaspoons!