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Imagine if he did this to you – this subreddit will be roaring with “This is Sparta”!
You should consider going Into therapy.
I mean…if we have guests, I (44F) give them our bed and we sleep on the couch or air mattress. I can’t imagine expecting your dad to sleep anywhere other than the master bed.
I don’t really understand your wife’s discomfort. Throw the sex toys and lube from your nightstand in a shoe box. Put fresh bedding on and swap it after the visit.
I’s stick to my guns on this. Your dad is doing you two a HUGE favor. If she wants you to join her, dad gets the bed. Else you stay home.
Unfortunately your head needed to be used as well.
If he does nothing more then what are your options?
One of the very important rules of life most people are ingrained with by the time they start their first job is “never date a coworker”. So unless he missed that memo he's likely torn between having some interest in you and not being willing to lose/leave his job over it (which happens almost every time). You don't have to pretend to be his friend but you do have to behave professionally (in the interest of you keeping your own job). So just do that. Most people will at some point in life suffer an unrequited workplace crush. You're not alone in that. But under the circumstances this just wasn't meant to be.
Your fault in choosing to be with him deal with it