Dude.. no sane person would take you back after throwing a racial slur at their family. Not a single person on earth. Unless you can go back in time and put the words back in your mouth, consider your relationship over and move on. You're lucky that didn't escalate.
There are many people in this world who are proud of the “boundaries” they set, completely oblivious to the fact that they are actually building walls.
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That’s awful. I’m sorry but it’s a dirty thing to do to someone. You can’t force sexual attraction to same sex genitalia if you are straight. And it’s gross they would get mad at you for that. No means no regardless of the reason. I would feel violated. You think you are going to lay with a man with a penis but find out they have a vagina during a VERY vulnerable moment. How do you feel safe with someone who would breach your trust like that.
On the flip side this might not be something she really wants but just her co workers ideas infecting her to make it seem like she wants it ,you will know for sure when you talk with her ,wether you break up or not ,if you dont break up and stay together then tell her you dont want her to be talking about open relationships or your relationship with anyone else unless its to ask for help with someone who can help
Probably not: he's probably just trying to manipulate you.
But if he did decide to do that, that would be on him. That doesn't make any of it your fault, and it doesn't obligate you to take care of him. That's not how anything works.
* I don't know about the culture you online in, so I don't know if you might be at risk from his parents if he went through with it. If that's the case, I'm just not competent to offer any advice here. What I said is still morally true, though.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I just got a new finance job, I’m going to be doing a lot of taxes and stuff. I told my girlfriend I was going to buy myself this watch after my first tax season. It’s like $350. I basically wanted to buy this for myself to commemorate this new step in my life, I grew up without a lot of money so to be able to do something like that on my own means a lot to me. She bought it for me for our one year anniversary without me knowing but then told me the other day that the website refunded her and told her they are out of stock so she can’t get it. I reacted by saying something like ‘thank god, I wanted to get that for myself, that would have sucked.’ I know not a cool thing to say but anyways, days pass and now she texts me saying they withdrew the money from her account and got it back in stock and are sending it to her but she doesn’t want to give it to me because I won’t like it and I don’t appreciate her and stuff. I told her I just wanted to be able to buy it myself as like a goal for myself. I told her I would love anything she got me and it’s more personal anyways for her to pick something out herself. She says a gift is a gift and I should be grateful. I feel really bad but I don’t know what to do.
he just said, no, I don't feel like it, or I'm out with friends, like what feelings is he supposed to make room for, she isn't owed an explanation or understanding, she asked him to do a task, that he didn't want to do, he owed her, no explanation, no understanding, just an answer.
like Jesus bro in actual adult relationships it goes “can you get me muffins”, “no”, “okay, Il get them later”.
or. “can you get me muffins” “y'know, not right now, but you can grab the card from X, if you want”.
in emotionally immature relationships it goes.
“can you get me muffins”, “no”, “why, why can't you get me muffins” “uh I'm out with friends I guess” “wow, okay, youl go to the store with your friends but you won't go to the store to get me muffins, after all the nice stuff I do for you, holy shit”.
like seriously bro. it's fucking muffins, and do you know what tells me she reacted or wanted to react like that?
it's the fact that she tried for several days, to get him to get her muffins, instead of just.
getting them herself.
she claimed he was an ass cause the task was super easy, okay, why not do it yourself.
also the second thing that tips me off is a quote from her “he told me to get the card from his roommate, but he didn't even tell me he was leaving town in a few days, and he didn't even get it from him, he just let him Dip”
meaning neither did she but somehow it's his fault for not realising she did not do something for herself that she had clearly wanted him to do for her.
like sometimes I have reasons, and I don't need to entertain yours. sometimes you have reasons and you don't need to entertain mine.
often, no reason is needed at all, because we are both fully functional adults, who do not need others to stroke our ego as to why they won't do our bidding when we demand it.
I didn’t say flat out no, I just said not right away, but let’s let life happen and see what happens. He took that has no, he didn’t have to block me on everything, now it seems like it’s a concrete no.
Women’s sexuality is a lot more complicated than man’s…you can explore other ways to have fun without actual penetration. Blowjobs are amazing so is 69 etc. You can always try intercourse but don’t let that be the one and all end to all to sexual activities.
Okay i am gonna say what i wish people said to me when i was together with my ex.
If you feel trapped, kick open that door and leave. You dont have to be unhappy. You deserve happiness and you deserve your own life. You are to young to get married. When you are 20 you feel like you are adult enough to get married, trust me you are not. Yeah marriages might work out when people are young but a lot of them dont. Please do not throw away your online because of someone that makes you feel like you have a shit life.
Also, make a plan before you actually leave. That will make it easier for you!
Any time he brings me along (out of respect for our relationship), his ex/sponsor mentions the sponsorship and reminds him their court date is coming up.
If this is real….stop going “along” whatever that means. Showing “respect” for your relationship just isn't worth his life? I feel like at 30 you are too old for this Romeo and juilet stuff.
Ex is abusive but isn't sponsorship like a financial obligation for years? This is a really weird decision to be bringing your new Gf around your ex who is sponsoring you before you've gone through whatever legal hurdles needed to get the visa. If ex sponsored him on the basis of a relationship it would actually be a really dumb choice to go through with the sponsorship from their perspective (even if they are a pos), all risk, no reward. So adding in something else to discourage the ex from going thru with it is…a choice.
You are making really awful choices because you are jealous (if you are pushing this respect thing) or he is dumb/spiteful/worried you will dump him if he doesn't.
Sorry it's harsh/uncaring.
The other thing to do would try and consult some kind of legal aid about asylum if he will be imprisoned upon return. You'll have to look into your country's laws.
Side note, a month ago he was humiliating you during/after sex, and was 20 while you were still 30. Age gap relationships can work I guess. But you are significantly older than him when he is vulnerable from abuse/trauma and it seems like you have moved quickly and it's very intense. I do not believe you have the healthiest relationship.
r/blahaj
Dude.. no sane person would take you back after throwing a racial slur at their family. Not a single person on earth. Unless you can go back in time and put the words back in your mouth, consider your relationship over and move on. You're lucky that didn't escalate.
Insist on a condom.
Please update us when you are away from this walking red flag!
There are many people in this world who are proud of the “boundaries” they set, completely oblivious to the fact that they are actually building walls.
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That’s awful. I’m sorry but it’s a dirty thing to do to someone. You can’t force sexual attraction to same sex genitalia if you are straight. And it’s gross they would get mad at you for that. No means no regardless of the reason. I would feel violated. You think you are going to lay with a man with a penis but find out they have a vagina during a VERY vulnerable moment. How do you feel safe with someone who would breach your trust like that.
On the flip side this might not be something she really wants but just her co workers ideas infecting her to make it seem like she wants it ,you will know for sure when you talk with her ,wether you break up or not ,if you dont break up and stay together then tell her you dont want her to be talking about open relationships or your relationship with anyone else unless its to ask for help with someone who can help
I know he’s not a bad person. I’m happy he was honest with me, I wish it was sooner but lesson learnt.
I felt like I got cheated on, because I even met his family, we said I love you, we slept together, I was introduced to ppl around him as a “gf”
The official dating started after because he wanted to ask me out in this special place.
Yes it's not cheating, he wasn't unfaithful. But I do know he didn't mean the “I love you” before the official day.
Probably not: he's probably just trying to manipulate you.
But if he did decide to do that, that would be on him. That doesn't make any of it your fault, and it doesn't obligate you to take care of him. That's not how anything works.
* I don't know about the culture you online in, so I don't know if you might be at risk from his parents if he went through with it. If that's the case, I'm just not competent to offer any advice here. What I said is still morally true, though.
Relationship over. Lmfaooo immediately.
Hate a tit for tat guy. Most unattractive thing. SMDH
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I just got a new finance job, I’m going to be doing a lot of taxes and stuff. I told my girlfriend I was going to buy myself this watch after my first tax season. It’s like $350. I basically wanted to buy this for myself to commemorate this new step in my life, I grew up without a lot of money so to be able to do something like that on my own means a lot to me. She bought it for me for our one year anniversary without me knowing but then told me the other day that the website refunded her and told her they are out of stock so she can’t get it. I reacted by saying something like ‘thank god, I wanted to get that for myself, that would have sucked.’ I know not a cool thing to say but anyways, days pass and now she texts me saying they withdrew the money from her account and got it back in stock and are sending it to her but she doesn’t want to give it to me because I won’t like it and I don’t appreciate her and stuff. I told her I just wanted to be able to buy it myself as like a goal for myself. I told her I would love anything she got me and it’s more personal anyways for her to pick something out herself. She says a gift is a gift and I should be grateful. I feel really bad but I don’t know what to do.
he just said, no, I don't feel like it, or I'm out with friends, like what feelings is he supposed to make room for, she isn't owed an explanation or understanding, she asked him to do a task, that he didn't want to do, he owed her, no explanation, no understanding, just an answer.
like Jesus bro in actual adult relationships it goes “can you get me muffins”, “no”, “okay, Il get them later”.
or. “can you get me muffins” “y'know, not right now, but you can grab the card from X, if you want”.
in emotionally immature relationships it goes.
“can you get me muffins”, “no”, “why, why can't you get me muffins” “uh I'm out with friends I guess” “wow, okay, youl go to the store with your friends but you won't go to the store to get me muffins, after all the nice stuff I do for you, holy shit”.
like seriously bro. it's fucking muffins, and do you know what tells me she reacted or wanted to react like that?
it's the fact that she tried for several days, to get him to get her muffins, instead of just.
getting them herself.
she claimed he was an ass cause the task was super easy, okay, why not do it yourself.
also the second thing that tips me off is a quote from her “he told me to get the card from his roommate, but he didn't even tell me he was leaving town in a few days, and he didn't even get it from him, he just let him Dip”
meaning neither did she but somehow it's his fault for not realising she did not do something for herself that she had clearly wanted him to do for her.
like sometimes I have reasons, and I don't need to entertain yours. sometimes you have reasons and you don't need to entertain mine.
often, no reason is needed at all, because we are both fully functional adults, who do not need others to stroke our ego as to why they won't do our bidding when we demand it.
I didn’t say flat out no, I just said not right away, but let’s let life happen and see what happens. He took that has no, he didn’t have to block me on everything, now it seems like it’s a concrete no.
Oh messing in other people’s marriages is like, her favourite thing.
This. The shiny, new and excitement wore off once he realized she's an actual person with wants and needs.
Women’s sexuality is a lot more complicated than man’s…you can explore other ways to have fun without actual penetration. Blowjobs are amazing so is 69 etc. You can always try intercourse but don’t let that be the one and all end to all to sexual activities.
Okay i am gonna say what i wish people said to me when i was together with my ex.
If you feel trapped, kick open that door and leave. You dont have to be unhappy. You deserve happiness and you deserve your own life. You are to young to get married. When you are 20 you feel like you are adult enough to get married, trust me you are not. Yeah marriages might work out when people are young but a lot of them dont. Please do not throw away your online because of someone that makes you feel like you have a shit life.
Also, make a plan before you actually leave. That will make it easier for you!
Any time he brings me along (out of respect for our relationship), his ex/sponsor mentions the sponsorship and reminds him their court date is coming up.
If this is real….stop going “along” whatever that means. Showing “respect” for your relationship just isn't worth his life? I feel like at 30 you are too old for this Romeo and juilet stuff.
Ex is abusive but isn't sponsorship like a financial obligation for years? This is a really weird decision to be bringing your new Gf around your ex who is sponsoring you before you've gone through whatever legal hurdles needed to get the visa. If ex sponsored him on the basis of a relationship it would actually be a really dumb choice to go through with the sponsorship from their perspective (even if they are a pos), all risk, no reward. So adding in something else to discourage the ex from going thru with it is…a choice.
You are making really awful choices because you are jealous (if you are pushing this respect thing) or he is dumb/spiteful/worried you will dump him if he doesn't.
Sorry it's harsh/uncaring.
The other thing to do would try and consult some kind of legal aid about asylum if he will be imprisoned upon return. You'll have to look into your country's laws.
Side note, a month ago he was humiliating you during/after sex, and was 20 while you were still 30. Age gap relationships can work I guess. But you are significantly older than him when he is vulnerable from abuse/trauma and it seems like you have moved quickly and it's very intense. I do not believe you have the healthiest relationship.
I'd make a suggestion but for the life of me I just can't get past the 25 pizza rolls.
Ok so do you do everything together? If so, maybe he just wants this to be his thing away from you. Thats perfectly healthy.