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Sara y Daniel, 21 y.o.
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They've been divorced for just over two years now officially but were emotionally separated for a few years before that from my understanding.
And I am the first partner/first to be introduced/all of that since the divorce. Mom introduced a partner right before I was introduced but their relationship is long distance so he's not around much from what I understand.
Yeah it does feel like a lot of roadblocks come up and we have to work through them together – for me setting boundaries and what role I play in his son's life for example. It is new for everyone but that has been emotionally exhausting. We've briefly talked about couples counseling but no action behind the thoughts yet. It might have been beneficial before I moved in.
They've adopted a puppy. They're close enough to on-line, travel, and consider marriage together. Sounds like you already missed your chance a while ago.
This was a lesson in appreciating your partner and what you've got, that took you the duration of this relationship to learn. The best thing you can do now is to not squander that, and do better in your next relationship.
Do not reach out to her, since you think flying out will do anything but creep her out when she hadn't told you anything personally. This isn't the movies.
I would tell your mom. She deserves to know, and it is clear your dad does not have the courage to tell her.
There are things you can do which help, but your husband also needs to be flexible.
My husband often worked when my mother visited, and, since he left for work early, he wouldn't see her till evening. My mother and I went away a lot at weekends to visit interesting places, which also helped, and usually also took a week's holiday together somewhere during her visits. She generally visited for 4 to 8 weeks once a year, so I made a big effort to give my husband space.
In addition, my husband learned my language, so he never felt excluded from the conversation when people visited from my home country. He thought it was important that I was able to speak my language in my own home. I think it's fair that if you marry someone, you make the effort to learn their language and understand their culture, otherwise you never really understand them. You should also understand that your spouse has relatives and friends who will want to visit and find a way to make that work. You can rent an airbnb if you are short of space.
He does know the guy, from around the not safe neighborhood, and knows to not fuck with him and to extricate himself with a quickness. Gf, for some unknown reason, couldn't follow his lead and stfu so they can get tf going.