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Why are you assuming it’s about you?
I understand what you’re feeling, I’ve been to every doctor you can think of and I haven’t seen improvement, but your partner is being horrible to you. I get it, I had to kiss A LOT of frogs before I found someone that treats me well. The longer you stay with him your problems will get worse. The more you consistently try to force sex and put up with the pain the more your body will associate sex with pain.
You can. You could leave her, work on yourself, realize you're worth more and then go get with someone who's better. Or you can stay with this sketchy Hoasaurus rex and spend your life wondering whether you're going to catch scabies.
Life is too short.
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The ex thing was at the beginning of our relationship and then we had no real problem with it until the threesome a few months ago. We’ve been together for a year and a half almost
What she’s thinking of is Polyamory. It involves committed serious relationships between >2 people.
She may feel that an “open relationship” means that, but it’s not. It’s just a name for a couple that isn’t monogamous.
I’m open minded , I’m listening and taking in everything that’s said. I’m not perfect nor is anyone else. And I definitely know it could fail. No matter what, I have already been through worse, I do believe that. So when the signs are shown, he’s out. But I believe SOME people deserve a second chance, and to me, he means a lot to me, so I’m going to give him that. Not a third. But you never know, this could turn out the exact opposite of what most are observing from the outside & predicting (which I understand why).
It's still not your responsibility to pay. When I got with my husband I was a single mum with 2 small daughters. He didn't pay any of my expenses & I didn't expect him to. Just be careful that you don't get stuck paying for her & her child for the next god knows how many years, even if you're not together. The fact that she keeps mentioning the money aspect makes me suspicious.
Well, she's a fan of tossing salad. She tosses mine frequently?
Communication works great when the person you're communicating with isn't a lying cheater. I agree he should say something but imo whatever she says back is of no value.
Your husband watches too much incest porn.
I honestly don't feel like there is anyone in the world that I could talk to this about. All of my friends and family love him because he is “such a nice guy”.
If you're not okay with this continuing to come up every so often, you need to encourage him to get help with his issues. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. “I don't know what I was saying in the moment” isn't a good enough answer for me. What steps is he actually taking to make sure this doesn't happen in the future.
If you plan to have pets or kids with this guy, make sure he gets help first!
Ashamed more likely.
he is being aggressive with you already if you have to fight him off of you. that is dangerous. if he is not willing to accept you saying “no” now to the point you need to push him off of you, he is showing he is capable of assault
Well being a pride myself if I know someone that has done so much bad to people I care I wouldn't invite them in the first place because it is an invitation to disaster…. especially when you know that a person is a drama person why have them there in the first place? You have to prevent situations. But op can put him in his place by doing all the above or even saying to him to go away.
Thanks I needed to read this, it’s been nude iv literally let go of majority of my belongings even my cat and dog just to get away from him and it has sucked but finally clearing the storm and sad to say I am gonna miss the kids but i need my sanity,
How do I do that the 3
You are right that this situation is inappropriate and disrespectful to you and your relationship. You have said that you don’t want the “dump her” advice – but unless she can see that she made a mistake and actually makes changes to ensure she doesn’t make it again, dumping her is going to be what happens.
So in the meantime you need to set boundaries on what is acceptable behaviour for both of you (it is controlling if you force them onto her alone, so frame it as they affect both of you, even if it is unlikely to affect you at all)
No flirting to get drinks. No pictures with random people No swapping social media details (or other details) with random people
Use these as a starting point, there are probably better ways to express them, but the basics are there.
Feel free to add more as well.
Then you sit her down, tell her how you felt seeing her post, and her description of the evening.
Tell her that you are having trouble understanding why she did what she did, as to you it comes across as inappropriate for someone in a relationship to do, and that you would like to believe that you would not disrespect her in that way.
Tell her that this is how you feel, and you are open to her explaining her views, and why she believes it wasn’t how you see it.
Then talk about boundaries.
Firstly, that really sucks, and it’s entirely normal to feel awful about it. Whatever the course, this seems like something best worked out before actually getting married. If you’ve been together seven years and it’s still an issue, it seems unlikely to go away on its own, and sexual incompatibility is really hard on a relationship, as you well know.
than what was? I mean whats the complaint about a guy being attracted to someone his own age? like, are guys not allowed to like their classmates? I don't follow your reasoning here.
F24, your fiancĂ©'s abusive behaviors and anger issues cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to his having very weak control over his own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills he had no opportunity to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If that is an issue for your fiancĂ©, you likely have been seeing the following 4 red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, he started showing strong jealousy over harmless events — or started attempting to isolate you away from close friends and family? He would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing THEM over HIM. Moreover, he usually would hate to be alone by himself.
Second, you would be seeing him rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein he tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because he also uses B-W thinking when judging HIMSELF, he hates to acknowledge making a mistake. To him, it would mean he is “all bad.” He thus would blame nearly all mistakes on you and view himself as “The Victim.” Always “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” his victim status, he would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend himself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in his frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see him expressing his rages to casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. He usually gets along fine with them. Rather, the outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you or his parents).
Fourth, you are convinced he truly loves you. But you often have seen him flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells. These flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. And a few hours or days later, he could flip back just as quickly.
F24, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?