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secretfun4us, 41 y.o.
Location: USA
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You are so young. Don't force yourself to stay with someone who doesn't care enough to show you physical affection. I will tell you a secret…if she cared about you, she would see a therapist or Dr. to see if she could move past it and fix something. There isn't alot that can't be fixed or worked on. Some, but not alot. There are alot of other people out there, and someone who will appreciate you and reciprocate the amount of time and effort you put in.
As someone that went through sexual abuse and having a partner constantly pressure shit like this it's frustrating reading your post and replies. You say u arent trying to pressure him and u stopped asking him to finger u or have intercourse and u respect him…
And then follow it up with that TONIGHT u tried to get him to go down on u while u had a cup in..on your period and he wasn't comfortable! Because he already told u he isnt.
You keep contradicting yourself! Same with how u want him to try having sex in the shower so he doesn't see the blood. It's very ME ME ME ME!
i want to find a compromise so i can have sex with him!
Do you seriously not see that?
No one is shaming you for your high sex drive! But you are coming off as very selfish and self absorbed to the point you want to fix this so u can get what u want from him instead of jst getting affection.
i honestly think if you are anything like me hormones go into overdrive during that time. And you get alot more emotional and needy and need alot more affection.
Like is said my husband isn't comfortable with sex during tht time aswell. He's just a major clean freak and the thought of ur freaks him out heavily.
So he will show his affection in other ways he would cuddle me and bring me snacks, make me a naked water bottle spend time watching movies with me. So i get my dose of affection and if i have a sexual need i take care of it myself when he isn't around. Or help him out without him having to touch me because again… id never want to make him uncomfortable At all!!!
There isn't any way u can make him not uncomfortable. You can talk to him and tell him u understand and that you still want his affection tho but it won't have anything to do with anything sexually if he isn't okay with it and you still want to just be around and be near him.
You coming up with ways to work around his trauma seems very much like you are trying to “fix him” so you can get what u want. Is so bad!
That's maybe not the greatest approach here. Realize he isn't saying he hates u sexually or doesn't want to be with you in that way it's literally just for a period of time..lol.. and that you as his girl are acknowledging and putting yourself aside to respect his feelings and trauma!
Has nothing to do with vanity and everything to do with health so we can have kids. See above comments as I have added some context in some replies,