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I’m a disabled adult. I live! at home with my parents, and they care for me.
When you have a chronic condition, you do hope to gain or regain enough ability and independence to hold down a job, on-line apart from your parents, do normal adult things. I want these things for myself. Being disabled doesn’t make that normal human desire to grow up and become an adult vanish.
In many ways, it’s a good goal to have. You keep it held above you like a lantern, something to reach for, a breath of hope. After all, what else is there? You literally can’t give up. There’s no escape from the disability. You can’t opt out or quit. You can’t even lay down and die. There is no option but to carry on, and with that comes the necessity of looking to the future.
As a partner, you need to be realistic. Look at the care that your boyfriend requires. He will always need that much care. Whether he has a job or not, someone will need to feed him and change him and help him move about. Are you up for that?
He is going to deteriorate. That’s a sad truth about all humans, it’s just more apparent in your boyfriend. Are you game to be present when he gets worse? Sickens and dies?
You aren’t a bad person if you decide it’s too much, too nude. You aren’t bad if you decide that you don’t want that life. Be honest with yourself and with him. It’s far better for both of you that you are, rather than you committing to be his carer and backing out later, when he has fully committed himself to you.
Because you were willing?
Op said he has no interest in meeting the giy whatsoever or forming a relationship with the guy
I’m not arguing that it has nothing to do with him being with her. That’d be as absurd as arguing that it is the reason he’s with her.
We don’t know. Period. Assumptions either way are bad.
I'm a female gamer as well and have dealt with literally exactly what you just described. He's still very sweet to me, but when he gets mad, he completely loses himself
Ew tfs wrong with people?
Advice? Sadly in this world expecting people to change typically turns out with disappointment. Especially when you’ve stated what you need more out of the relationship and the person straight up lies to you about how they’ll improve. I genuinely don’t get the problem here? It’s not like you’re not saying he can’t play games, but if he can’t be fucked to get off and actually spend time with you..there’s a problem.
I’d recommend more communication, even an annoyed tone would be acceptable at this point. If he gets home at like 5-6 and spends 6 hours playing a game instead of actually spending time with you that’s a problem. Idk it feels like I’m hitting a brick wall with this.
Mostly because, I feel like I’m order for a relationship to work, you need to love the person for who they are now and sure people change in their own ways as they grow but certain core things sometimes just…don’t. And while I want to believe this guy can change cause I believe anyone can if they try naked enough, the descriptions doesn’t make it exactly sound like he’s trying in any consistent manner.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope this guy can actually realize that a persons feelings and love deserves more attention then a video game does.
You say no rude comments, but accusing your sister of trying to get attention because she has human emotions is pretty rude. I don't know you and won't speculate, but it's pretty fucked up to think she should be happy he's dead.
Wow OP you have no self esteem and that’s sad
Unless she cuts this guy off and goes completely no contact with him there is no hope for your relationship. She IS a cheater and has done it before too so why you trusted her after the first time I don’t know. You’ve invested a lot of time with her do I understand it’s nude to walk away but she’s displayed she’s not ready for a monogamous relationship and she waited a LONG time to tell you the truth, she should have told you immediately.
1) why do you need to check his alarms? Are you his mother? Is he incapable of setting an alarm or just waking up when he needs to. 2) due to the fact he indeed had not set an alarm how on earth would he have time to cheat on you
If he’s abusing you, then leave. Love is blind but not blind enough to the point it’s preventing from acknowledging that your a victim of abuse. If you have any inclination that he’s abusing you, leave. What more is there to say?
Plenty of nursing mothers have also just given the boob to soothe. Baby may have gotten a small feed but just enough to settle and fall asleep to the point they’re just using the nipple as a calming mechanism. But a lot of mothers also just give the nipple like a pacifier and it’s clear to see if baby is actually suckling or not, by throat motion, breathing.
I think,
1) Yea, this is some mental thing with her feeling inadequate as you, being the milk supplier, are using your body to nourish and soothe your baby. Where she can’t quite do the same as she isn’t lactating. 2)I’m not attacking you but I think some of the feelings you don’t understand is possibly jealous/territorial. You are the milk reserve for baby, you have that bond that brings you and baby close. Plus , you carried and birthed baby, so there is that bond.
Your wife didn’t get to experience that and she is probably feeling left out in a maternal connection because her body just couldn’t do the same things as yours. 3) If she was able to lactate and you both were lactating would you feel the ame emotions you are now? If so, then I again, think this is a little tinge of jealousy of someone also coming in with the maternal role.
I, personally, don’t see a huge issue with this. Plenty of women around the world nurse/suckle babies in their family groups to help pass the buck around, so to say, to help out, soothe, comfort baby. She’s doing the same thing. It really is no different than that. I also disagree with a lot of comments here saying that her doing this will hinder your ilk supply.
I nursed. I pumped. I also gave a pacifier. When my child had a pacifier, it didn’t hinder my milk production or stop baby from being hungry. That’s not how it works. The only thing a pacifier was at risk of doing , like a bottle nipple, was giving baby nipple confusion but human nipples aren’t going to have the same affect as a bottle nipple or pacifier on nipple confusion. Because a baby isn’t just sucking on the nipple, areola and a large portion of breast skin is also in babies mouth which is how they are able to pull milk from the ducts down through the nipple holes.
If interchangeable human nipples caused nipple confusion, than again, lots of communities around the world where women nursed familial babies wouldn’t be possible.
I think she is just trying to also find her maternal connection as you have with baby, and I don’t see a problem with this. I mean, don’t we women feel very feminine and strong and in-tune with our babies during this situation with motherhood? That’s what it sounds like your wife is trying to accomplish. This doesn’t sound just like her trying to prove to herself she’s a woman, maybe a small part of her has that in the back of her mind but not the overall vibe.
Based on your comments, you seem to be having a very hot time taking constructive criticism.
Grief is difficult to navigate, and there is no wrong way to feel about a loss of a loved one. However, letting your grief negatively impact your relationships is not sustainable.
You broke down and verbally attacked your girlfriend because she did an activity that reminded you of your late wife. That is unhealthy. Diminishing her grief while simultaneously putting her on a pedestal (talking about how strong she is and how she is your therapy) is unfair to her. She helped you and you helped her when you first started recovering from the loss, but she cannot be the loadbearing pillar for your mental anguish. You need a professional who has been trained to deal with that.
If you can't accept that your behavior is unhealthy, she will crumple under the weight of carrying your relationship, and you run the risk of losing her.
It's your responsibility as an adult to take accountability for your emotions and behavior. That means that you need to continue healing, which you need therapy for.
I agree, I have mentioned to her that she needs therapy(not accusingly but from a place of love) few times but she ignores it. Probably will stress it more
Not asking for the answers, just opinions.