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Being nice to someone does mean they get to grope you in your sleep.
Men always hide behind not knowing the difference between friendliness and flirting. But he knows. And he didn't care whether or not this was something you wanted because he wanted it and chose to do it while you were asleep because he thought you wouldn't know he'd done it. Those are not the actions of someone who thinks you like them and likes you back.
I don't think you understand how absolutely horrid the sentence “It all started when I assumed he was gay for not wanting to sleep with me,” makes you sound. The absolute audacity and arrogance and self-absorption needed to think every man on Earth wants to sleep with you unless they're gay is staggering. You got a whole bunch of life-affirming answers from people before you put this edit in, but I guarantee that if you had inserted this from the beginning you'd be getting a lot harsher, but more accurate feedback.
It's true he may not have been into you before you said anything about being gay…but you have to understand that someone who has that mindset- that everyone on earth wants them- lets it bleed over into other aspects of their personality and their life. I guarantee you made fun of or made assumptions about other people where he could hear you, based on your world view. I would guess that you talk about relationships in terms of “he wants me, and he did this for me, and he is going to give me this” and not “he's such a sweet person, I did this for him, I want to make him feel special on his birthday, etc.” No one wants to date selfish, self-absorbed people for anything other than the sex, and if this is how you behave, that's what he means by “not wife material.” He means you don't treat other people or think about other people with enough respect or courtesy, and don't value the people in your life because you feel on some level that you're better than them.
So your husband is a predator who groomed you. Now he’s going to groom your daughter for some other (probably older) man. You are living in the 1950s, I hope you get out of the past time traveler.
So you're insecure about her sexual orientation, why aren't you in therapy?
Try to put aside how his comment made you feel for long enough to really listen to his explanation. I know that's a nude thing to do, but I think it'll help you get enough information to make a good decision about how to move forward.
This is the right answer. Invalidating his feelings is just going to end the relationship. He can want to be with you and still be cautious and scared based on his experiences. Look at the posts reddit gets about poc who have dates whites for a while and then suddenly at wedding planning the racist comes out. Or suddenly a family member says something wild and their partner does nothing to help. These are real experiences poc have. You taking it so personally is just showing your privilege even if you don't mean to.
He knows what your going through and is being patient/supportive throughout everything. Coming from someone with trauma as well I advise seeing a therapist who specializes in it. The horrific events you’ve endured I feel is going to require a professional to help overcome it.
First of all YOU HAVE REALLY INSPIRED ME!!!
Invite him to join you for Couples Counseling + the gym.
If he won’t do both, cut off your husband like you cut off your dad. Do it before he sabotages your birth control.
Basically. See a lawyer. We both know he’s an undermining prick that won’t work on himself or his relationship with you.
I'm speaking to anyone who has downvoted. If that's not you, then no reason to defend yourself here.
No one is required to divulge anything about past sexual partners unless it involves STDs such as HIV. I'm not saying that her withholding information was the right thing to do, I'm saying that people here are so up their own ass with insecurities that they make judgement on a situation with limited information. Frankly, I find it entertaining with how many people don't realize they're projecting.
OP. Please don't make up your mind until you're able to have a conversation with her.