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Happy birthday sweet soul. I hope today is just as great as you are and you treat yourself despite circumstances!
No. You're completely right.
Statistically speaking if my daughter was a lesbian she would be less likely be killed by her partner. Less likely to be abused too.
I don’t think that’s his reasoning though. Those comments are red flags and you should run.
If she has a history of this kind of reaction to not being in complete control then you should leave her. I get not feeling comfortable taking time off from work but I would leave work if someone told me they wanted to have a beer with me let alone a spa day.
two weeks of no contact at all after asking for space? to get over an ex getting married? Perfectly reasonable to leave.
I'd at least start formulating an exit plan to beprepared . I'd also consider hiding a few cameras around the house.
So first, while your emotions are big, I want you to know that you are having normal feelings about a breakup, and/or the decision to break up with someone. When you love someone a lot, you can have a very nude time recognizing that you aren't being treated well and also that the relationship isn't a healthy one to be in. And it can feel absolutely apocalyptic to break up, and very soul crushing. These feelings don't mean that you shouldn't break up, it means you need to tackle your emotions and find healthy ways to process them.
What that means is you need to take a step back from your emotions and deal with WHY you should be broken up. Love is not enough, and in this case, clearly isn't enough to build a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend treated you poorly and didn't do the work to save the relationship, nor has he done the work since the break up to demonstrate that he is actually better. Sure, he can text nice things and communicate about your days, but that's very easy to do when there are zero expectations. And he isn't showing up for YOU emotionally, and nowhere is that more clear than his treatment of you about his wanting an open relationship.
So let's deal with that next. I am in an open relationship, I value them, and I don't think they work for everyone. Some people aren't cut out for them, and some relationships aren't cut out for them. If your gut reaction is jealously and you don't want it, that is a perfectly fine emotion and no, you actually don't have to have an open mind and try one. Then add to that, you two are not in a good place, so now is actually the worst time to even try this. And his reaction to trying to guilt you and lashing out is even more evidence that this isn't going to work.
So now, my full advice to you is to break up and not have contact with him for a period of time. You cannot move on while still being attached to him. I'm not going to tell you to block him on everything and never speak again, but commit to not communicating for a month at least. Then, plan to grieve. Stay with friends and family, buy all the chocolate, have a girls night in and drink wine and burn things, have a night where you just cry and wallow by watching movies that make you even sadder. Therapy would be good too. But you absolutely need space from him and to process your emotions, not avoid them.
And, at 41 years old, I will tell you that I have had these feelings and I can promise you that time will make you feel better, but it is the ONLY thing that will make you feel better. There isn't a magic solution, you have to list for yourself why the breakup is the right thing (he lashes out, he doesn't take responsibility, he wants an open relationship, we already tried to fix things and it didn't work), that you did try and save the relationship (and you did), and that you are 23, meaning you have a whole life to meet people and have a healthy relationship. This last part is huge; can you see yourself living the rest of your life in THIS relationship, as it is? Because it will not change, because it hasn't changed. And no, you cannot, because you already took steps to get out, so do yourself the biggest favor you can ever do, and stay out. I promise every week that you go without contact will heal you, help you see things from a fresh perspective, and to move on. Yes it won't just get better, there will be weak moments, you may even slip up and contact him, but the longer you go and make yourself busy, the more likely it is you will move on and find a better and healthier relationship.
More manipulation. You deserve so much better. It’s a blessing you found out now before it got worse