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it looks like he sees you as a 2nd option
I knew how bad my explanation looked. & I know how people feel about situations like this. So I should have expected that. The last 3 years of my relationship I struggled with the idea of being bisexual. My partner knew about this & did not have an issue with it. But the more I think about it, I struggled with finding people attractive constantly. Wanting to try new things sexually WITH my partner that they didn’t want to try. I was craving something new & it led me to thinking maybe I was bi. But now that I opened my eyes a bit I think it was merely just the idea of having sex with someone else or being intimate with someone who wanted me. I became attracted to people who give me attention that my partner lacks. Bottom line, my needs weren’t being met.
So why are you still with him?
The first thing you need to do is get your bf to r/raisedbynarcissists and read the stories. There are also communities for entitled parents. He needs to start reading those right away. What his mother is doing is controlling and enmeshed and he needs to get out of her claws right away.
Most programs wouldn't take the chance on a recovering addict even if there's no record mostly because it's a bad combo to have a former drug addict with keys to drugs and the suspicion you're just in the program/job to get a fix will always follow you. You can have a career you love but not sure how safe a choice it is for you being around drugs just seems like a horrible idea and bound to cause a relapse. I'd say the same thing if an alcoholic wanted to work in a winery or brewery as their dream career.
She's had a lifetime to get used to the idea that she's a lesbian – probably in the face of some extreme bigotry and self-denial. You are allowed to take more than a few minutes to get to grips with it yourself. However – she has told you your marriage is over and for good reason. That's the kind of thing that requires just one person to end, and two people to keep going. Don't kid yourself that there is a romantic future for you both together – there isn't. There could be a happy, healthy relationship between you but it will take a lot of work. I would encourage you to get therapy, both individual and family. Please remember that you have children together and they need to come first.
Well you don't watch the same youtube channels and listen to the same podcasts as he does.
See certain circles like to overly fixate on the most extreme members of a demographic and act like their behavior and positions are the norm of the demographic.
At the same time he probably uses the phrase 'not all men' when people bring up shitheads.
I think you should use her level of engagement as a guide.
Is she messaging you first as often as you are messaging her first? Green light. keep on chatting.
Is she making one word responses and taking a long time to reply? Red light. Slow it down.
He actively asked other people to not tell her and he deceive her. That is the issue.
You won’t even have to think about this in like 3 years.
Usually don't make this comment but – post an update when you figure out whats going on.
What? I don't think my wife is easily replaceable. She is one in 8 billion on the planet and i chose her as she did me to spend our lives together. Although i do think i see what your trying to say. Technically speeking yes i could find a new wife, just like she could find a new husband if i died but i would rather not find myself in a situation like this. The biggest thing to me is trauma on both ends, I understand the sacrifice she is making in the scenario and her thinking. But in my head I'm asking does the ends justify the means if it is not a garenteed thing.. and when it comes to kids no i have non, but realistically my kids will always be my children and are definitely not replaceable so yes I would for my kids, but I'm also thinking of the trauma they would experience from seeing something so bad and how they would heal or if they even would heal and how I would help fix it or if I even could help fix it.
Also I didn’t say anything about asking him for shower sex that was someone else.
I clearly didn't fully explain my view on it. It's not as black and white as that.