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Yeah but I'm sure you agree that we don't want to condone the behavior or lessen the trauma experienced by survivors of that type or rape.
The part of your comments that I highlighted above sounds to me like you're saying “Oh, this kind of rape isn't as bad as that other rape” or “well that's not really rape since you didn't hold her down”.
I'm sure that wasn't your intention, but that's how it came across to me.
He’s creepy. Run far and run fast.
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Maybe reframing it not as “he’s making me wait 8 years for a ring” and “he wants to be in a stable position to take a serious step” will help.
There’s also a chance he could be in a position to talk marriage sooner, but he’s trying to be conservative and set a realistic timeline.
I keep telling myself he'll get better if I'm just patient and firm.
If you like her, be nice and give her another chance. People can change.
UpdateMe!
I don’t think he was ever just friends with you
They are random women you cling to and insist on. That makes it weird. Do you not remember why you were on tinder, matching with women? Think about it for a minute. Of course it is inappropriate to hold onto these women if you are so serious about your girlfriend that you want her to post you. Of course your follows reveal you to be a shallow man who is not ready for a mature relationship.
My first thought reading this was that you do not sound like you are emotionally healthy enough for a relationship and this…
It also doesn't help that I have other men begging for a chance, promising the world to me (I know they're full of shit, but it makes you wonder, you know).
Really solidified that thought.
If you can't fall asleep without someone cuddling you and when it does happen it brings you to tears, I think you need to work yourself out in therapy a bit more first before being in a relationship. This sounds like some really deep codependency issues or something.
You are right to say that there are more than two men in this world but if it were that easy to disregard M30s attachment and love of 10 years I would have indeed cut the cord a long time ago, and it wouldn’t take a comment on the internet to finally inspire me to take the plunge. I do not have the character space to explain but there is enough positive history between me and M30 to at least give him one final shot. I believe the majority of This post has been trying to focused on trying to heal from M35 and move forward with whom I chose, if possible. I’m sure in your wisdom this may seem naive, but when it comes to love, guilt and fear things are not that simple. I know very well the opinions of “dump M30” that’s not a foreign idea to me, but one I am currently emotionally and logistically incapable of pursuing, because as I mentioned in the post above, I love this man. My biggest concern is still having feelings for M35, and never getting over it, always wondering what could have been and occasionally wishing I could go back, because, he felt—effortless to t with. But your prior post was right, love is not all about idealization and fantasy, which is why I got scared, and chose the person I knew better, and had more history with. Do I regret it? Sometimes. Can I go back no. The majority of this post was not asking whether I should dump m30 , it was how to move on with the choice that I made, and to stop feeling regret, guilt, and self hatred because on one hand, I miss someone very much, but I stomped on their heart, and will never see them again, and on the other hand, I am supposed to be in a committed relationship, and focusing on that, and I still feel very separate from them, sad and confused. There’s this thing called loyalty that factors into it too. I feel guilty for even posting here, asking questions and asking for help because it means I still have a problem concerning M35. and as far as there being more than one man in this world, which, again you are correct. If I’m having this much emotional turmoil over these two, would finding another be really a healthy idea? You were the one who correctly said I was not a well-adjusted adult, above. I would not add any rash actions, or other people into the mix. All I want is to know how to be free of these thoughts, since unfortunately, I will never see this person again, even if I did break it off with M30. Thank you again for your time.
The length of your relationship has nothing to do with your body autonomy. If u say no, it's no. Threatening suicide is manipulation to get his way. Please drop this child and find somebody who respects your boundaries and doesn't tell you that your acts of love are meaningless if they don't get full access to your body on their terms.