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Go over and give them a wake up call.
I just don't say why that makes it okay for him to say he would rather his wife was dead if she keeps her depression going.?
What should the boss do
I have made it known early on that it makes me uncomfortable and that I don’t want them in my life.
Not everything that makes you uncomfortable needs to be fixed. If your comfort becomes the norm of what has to be done in a relationship it's called 'controlling'.
In regards to your question: For some people it is normal and for others not. If you can't cope with it than you should consider leaving the relationship. It's definitely nothing your partner needs to fix. It's a you-problem, not a her-problem.
No there is nothing you can say to make him understand you. No there really is no hope that things will get better. I think you have assessed correctly that you have reached the end of the road. He has shown you who he is; believe it.