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He is the one creating the hostile work environment. Decline his friend request and block him. Tell him “I am not interested in hanging out after work.” If you want to soften the blow, you can add some language about wanting to keep your work and personal life separate but I don’t feel the need to be polite to someone who is being rude to me. And at this point he’s being rude by ignoring your polite attempts to decline. If he bothers you after that, definitely take it to your manager.
When I was younger, I worked with an older man who would not leave me alone. I tried to be polite. I was blunt. I told him I was not interested in being friends with him or ever seeing him outside of work. When that didn’t work, I involved my managers. He ended getting fired because he still wouldn’t leave me alone after being told to knock it off and being moved to a different job site. He said God had destined us to be together and no one was going to keep us apart. And I did not feel bad once he was fired. He did it to himself.
You have a right to feel safe and comfortable at work.
Thank you. I will look at the resources you gave me. You’ll be glad to know my daughter is in therapy right now because of the stuff she witnessed with her mom.
One thing I’ll say is my wife does say nothing. She’s never insulted or disrespected my daughter in anyway. She just ignores her. Still unacceptable and that’s why I’m giving her an ultimatum
Terrum, her strong abandonment fear — as well as her abusive and controlling behaviors — may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your GF, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.
First, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to validate her “victim” status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Second, you would not see her expressing her anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you or her parents).
Third, you are convinced she truly loves you. But you often see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.
Terrum, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?
You are going to be a parent now (exciting! Congratulations!). This is your chance to heal generational trauma. Do what is right by your kid and not what you think your parents would want (especially since they seem like the worst). If they don't like it, they can kick rocks. They could surprise you. Some people really do change when they find out they're going to be grandparents. But they need to prove to you that they are good enough to be around your kid. Good luck navigating this next stage!