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This is silly.
Most friends I know had to get student loans. Their parents didn’t work extra hard to get them through Uni
This, plus when I was her age I also didn't want children. Years later something just switched in me. 🙂
Did you save the phone number?
Where'd you get your psych degree?
I got you and I’m happy to read essays that are well intentioned and thought out, so no stress!
I get the male/female difference you are referencing. I agree the Reddit world in general seems obsessed with female sexuality/“promiscuity” and I see what you are talking about in how it plays out linguistically.
There’s the obvious misogynistic answers as to why that is. I personally have a belief it comes down to who is being penetrated, and I say that because I see some similarities in how gay men are referred to and how lesbians are talked about.
I think that root feeling of possession over comes out in odd ways here. For instance if all things are equal, if two people are intoxicated then neither or both are rapists, but you will see people push back on that concept here frequently.
I guess what I’m saying is that same protectiveness we have as a society also feeds infantilization and possessiveness over women and their sexuality and perhaps that’s why we see the injection of slurs and graphic acts when it serves no other purpose then to be salacious.
Tell everyone you know in front of him if he thinks it's such a normal thing. I guarantee he'll be embarrassed as fuck and no one will buy his bullshit!
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Nah mate, she thinks you're a player. Which, based on your answers, you are.
She's likely voiced her concern that she'll be another notch in your belt to her friend, who's decided to advocate for her. Not necessarily right or wrong, nor good or bad. But what's being said in subtext is that your GF is worried you're expecting more, and she doubts you, as a couple, will discuss it before it happens.
Chill out. Talk about your wants and needs with the woman you're with at the time. You're young, but you've gotten a bad reputation already, and that's on you.
Detach. That’s all you can do. You might have had a good one, but you will have another at some point.
You’re also 22, you got loads of time to do that.
In the span of your life, the lessons you learn from this will be far more important than this event itself.
When you say something or act some way, people who respect you will take you seriously.
Bad relationship dynamics, where you participate in fights like the one you describe, get bad results so who knows, maybe you will be thankful this happened down the road if you learn from this.
Wish you the best of luck moving past this and toward a happier future.
OP literally said his wife found someone else
How was his first divorce? He probably doesn’t want to repeat that.
Thank you for this response. I was waiting for someone to be a grown up.
People can't really HELP what they're sexually attracted to. It gets baked in there in some funky ways sometimes. They shouldn't be shamed for it. What they CAN help is what they do IRL – are they shitty to real women? Then that sucks. Do they fantasize about making sexy women do whatever they want? Well… so do lots and lots and lots of people… ?♀️
To be honest, my partner was a no dogs in the house man. We compromised that the dog was on the floor, but still in the bedroom. You should have never agreed to no dogs at all in the room, but he should have been willing to compromise. And there’s no reason to banish them from a room he doesn’t sleep in.
Say “I don’t expect you to pay for me. Saying I can’t can’t afford to eat out isn’t a guilt trip, it’s a statement of fact. I am going to cook my own meal. But there is absolutely no reason why you can’t go out and we can see each other later.”
thanks for your good faith answer, friend. i really wasn’t sure if there was something i was missing.
You could meet him for lunch and have her there as well.
After you talk to a lawyer and work out where to go if he won't leave the house.
Not illegal from where I'm from. And ethics went out the window when my husband decided to push for an open relationship
So you cheated too during the start of the relationship?
You, U, can not influence her desires… At her age she is stuck between desires of experience and desires of fantasy.
So, he didn't give a specific reason, I take it. It sounds like you're just guessing. And the wording in your post is a bit confusing. Is he the one with a higher libido, or are you? Or were you saying that you think is about the same, but his Catholic upbringing has caused him to suppress it? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions, but having more answers gives me higher confidence in my advice.
How frequent are these recent texts? I ask because if they're infrequent enough, he might just be trying to maintain a friendship, which is what's implied when two people agree to keep in touch.
Not a very sensitive soul, I'd say.
I think this relationship is toast man. Whatever hope there is, you’re better off breaking it off, getting a job, cleaning yourself up, and giving it another try once you have your shit together.
Everything you did spoke to much deeper problems you gotta address. The lying. The stress. The unemployment for an entire year. That’s some therapy stuff you should work on.
I have empathy. I also know that misogyny against women you don't like excuses the behavior. You don't act racist or homophobic to people just because they wronged you, do you? Call her an asshole or a no good dirty rotten cheating asshole. No need to gender your insults
They could have been sitting on a shelf with 2 inches of dust build up and he'd still be miles over the line for not asking her first.
Music City 911…..amazing podcast that opened my eyes to the absolute warriors 911 operators are. So much love and respect for you ♥️
Can you list anything that you like about her that isn’t based on the chores and labor she does for you?
You should be worried about your own behaviour if there’s no history of him cheating. You don’t mention if there is so I’m assuming not.
In which case you sound unhinged.
So….did she go fuck herself?
You are right thank you
His first inappropriate comment contaminated the friendship. From that point in they are not just friends.
It's at best a one sided love story.
It's unfair to you to share her with a guy that's pursuing her.
It's unfair to the guy and she is acting very selfish. She should cut him loose so he can find someone else (and stop wasting his time. Instead she's enjoying him pursuing her.
8 months? She wants you both. The attention from him and the steady BF (you).
Inform her she can process as long as she wants – but not as your GF.
To save this she has one second to offer zero contact forever. No closure and no last 'talk'.
They stopped being “just friends” long ago. It's an emotional affair and possibly physical.
Idk… It's far from the same way. He used to be extremely verbally cruel (telling me I was fat, ugly, unloveable or that “he gets why my dad abused me but obviously he didn't hit hot enough”), sometimes completely ignore me and act like I was invisible, and then pull me back being an absolute sweetheart… Before repeating the cycle. I can see genuine guilt, despair and remorse in his eyes when we talk about it these days. Now he's always kind and never ignores me – he always acts like he wants me around. He just shifts back and forth between what he wants us to be… And to be fair, the whole thing IS complicated, so I don't really blame him.
I do agree it revolved more around him than me from the start… But he's curious as to how I am, and when I lost a friend to an OD a few weeks back he travelled two hours just to sit with me and tuck me in (not trying to do anything else), and then two hours back home the same evening cause he had to get back to his dog. He also gave me two of his band tees (we're both fond of band tees lol), and he always checks if I'm alright with what we're doing and where we're at. It mostly revolves around him since his dog died, but like… He loved that dog as much as people love their human children, and it's only been a few days…
It's true that it's risky due to our past though. And the uncertainty is causing a lot of stress… I wanna give it some time and leave if it doesn't get better. I think it's worth it, unless I get “stuck” due to my feelings and trauma patterns. I appreciate you reminding me of my trauma bond and trauma patterns though. It's something I've failed to keep in mind and that I really need to be aware of. ❤️