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You are sidestepping. I am saying it isn't a logical reaction, when you've touted your logical nature more than once. Calling you on your own words? It's not complex at all to do this; it is a reaction to perceived threat & insecurity; it is predictable & not logical.
“I then had a nervous breakdown and ran away.”
Girl, what?! Quite honestly, you both sound insane, and neither of you sound mature enough to be in a relationship. Who tf takes off running down the streets of an unfamiliar city in an unfamiliar state, in an unfamiliar COUNTRY? You need some serious help, and regardless of the cops letting you go, you very obviously do have some mental health struggles.
Please stay away from relationships until you can work on yourself because people don't typically fall madly, head over heels in love in just three months. People don't typically let someone they've only known for three months take them to a foreign country and go happily with no money to take care of themselves should something happen! Like, do you want to get sex trafficked? Because this is how you get sex trafficked.
You need to stop being so trusting of people you BARELY KNOW because believe it or not, three months isn't enough time to get to know someone fully.
How old are you? Because I've got to believe that you're not even 20 yet.
Should you be worried?? What!?
They sent sexy pictures between them!
This colleague was clearly into her, sexually, flirting etc. She never discouraged this approach from him!
Btw OP… He knows about you, but when you message other people you're gonna cheat with or start a new life with, you don't talk much about your current spouse.
In the case of her friend, I'd be worried about love-bombing. Which is a manipulation technique.
But, regardless. She's dating someone her age, who doesn't have the life experience, the time or the money to act the same way as someone 14 years your senior.
Thank you.
A lot of people are saying to center the conversation around health. If her health is not your concern then don't lie to be nice. Just be honest about what your problem is and it will be better. Your opinions and preferences are important and ultimately what you should be driving your decision making.
Lots can happen when you’re separated like that. When somebody asks for exclusivity with somebody they’re dating for for been gone only a month or two. It’s not a strong commitment. It’s almost as if they’re saying you go ahead and cheat if you need to and I will too and then when I come back we can get back together. Emotions don’t happen like that one of you is not gonna be OK with it or is not gonna come back the same. In fact, frankly, anybody I’ve traveled around that I’ve dated we waited for each other we were committed so you’re not committed
Sorry, fella. She is 100% using you as the path to a stay at home life. After TWO months you are paying her bills? What a sweet gig she fell into. Of did she? Personally I don’t think the bonds of love she feels are that strong if she is already planning what money YOU pay after a break up. That means she is already planning to leave! The father of the child should be paying for the child, and she should be working to support herself. Two months in and you are already the sol support? Give your head a shake. Anyone can fake affection for a time. The minute you sign papers to ensure her future life of leisure, watch how quickly she changes! Don’t do it.
Dump the BF, get many dogs.
He’s very attractive. He was popular dude, jock type of guy growing up. So I doubt it.. he also said that a lot of girls messaged him and he didn’t respond ( not sure if I believe that. On bumble women swipe first, so I had asked about that specifically. I asked him if he hooked up w other people when we first got back together because he was questioning me. He simply said no with no issue. After seeing he had a subscription bumble, when before I thought he wasn’t really diligent about using bumble, I asked him if he hooked up with people. He said that him having a subscription changes nothing and that it upset him I asked him the same question about him getting with people. He started yelling at me since “I already know the answer” and that we had already talked about it in the beginning. Idk. To me finding out he spent money on that makes me feel like it’s more than what he said it was.
This sub’s go to answer is to tell people to break up. At this point should we expect anything different?
Wow definitely wrong. This changes everything so her “morals” or whatever go out the window if the guy is nude lol ?
Break up with 21 year old. Leave the ex alone. You can reach out to her but if she doesn't want to hear from you, leave her alone.
You're a jealous, territorial creep.
“weirdly defensive”? you're literally creep stalking her boyfriend in the hopes of finding something to break them up so you can spend more time with her.
You need therapy. And she needs a restraining order.
It's too late to have cut ties in the past. It's not too late to do so now. This person you're putting up on a pedestal is a terrible person.
Oh but she said “we've been losing feelings” to justify her cheating. Then fucking leave. That's not an excuse to cheat. She's conflicted what to do? That's her telling her boyfriend that she's not all in, because she's fucking a random guy. That's also her telling you that she can't confirm that she sees any sort of future with you. If she could, she'd have broken up with him.
Conventional wisdom will tell you that if it'll happen with you, it'll happen to you. So even if she breaks up with him (which she won't), are you honestly going to just trust her knowing the context of your situation?
Either way, you're right, you should end it sooner. You feel strongly about her more than you have with others. Fair enough. You however need to realize that you feel strongly about someone who's objectively awful. And I know you want to believe that you're the exception to the rule and that it's happening because you two have a real and strong connection. Again, she's still with her boyfriend. She obviously doesn't like you as much as she says she does.
it’s not really a “secret child” though. I’d agree if op knew about this kid’s existence and hid it from his wife. That’d be an instant dealbreaker. But he didn’t know he had a kid out there any better than she did.
Just gonna throw it out there that the rescue barn kitty I have was determined to be “fractious” at the shelter and they basically said good luck with being able to touch him. He was extremely defensive but after exactly 1 week he finally let me pet him and then hold him in my lap. Not exactly falling asleep on my lap but he was extremely scared and defensive at first so I was beyond thrilled.
So you're disappointed you can't cheat on him? What an asshole guy /s
So the things you have told us about your relationship is that he's cheating by sexting with other women (wich yeah it's cheating). That you snoop on his phone and that now you are catfishing him to expose him.
What's your goal by doing that honestly? Don't get me wrong, screw him, but what do you expect to achieve?
If he truly is your friend then he should accept a simple not interested on account of your religious beliefs or lack of.
I don’t care what you personally consider to be gaslighting if your working definition of the term is inaccurate, which it is