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Good point… either way, it’s weird. I can’t think of a single reason my number would show up for either of them to add me accidentally.
Our name being said
A friend of mine was in a similar situation and all of her friends were telling her to never have anything to do with her family again and that they would be her family.
She was then in her 20s and considering going from NC to LC. She asked me what I thought. I told her that, it's her family and if she ever felt in any danger again that NC would be the only choice but that no one but her could make that decision or understand the situation as she can. That as much as I cared about her I could never actually be her parents and neither could her other friends and that I could not comprehend what it would be like to never talk to my parents again and wasn't going to tell her to do that when I didn't think I'd be capable of it.
She eventually decided to reunite with her family and didn't regret doing that.
I think there is a difference… Between encouraging someone to get themselves safe and being very clear black and white about that… And telling someone they can never forgive someone or have a relationship with them if they are now safe.
I am sure I'll get downvoted and people will say I'm a horrible person for “encouraging” people to hang out with their abusers but that's not my intent.
My intent is simply to say that if it was hurting you to have this relationship then it's cut and dry but if it would hurt you to end this relationship then it's not your responsibility to pay twice for having been abused through no fault of your own and take yet a second action that would cause you pain and this time regret because it's a choice you're making for yourself just to pacify what other people can accept is… It's just not something I'm comfortable telling someone else they have to do.
I'm just sorry that you're in this situation at all.
Benadryl is bright pink. Unless OP has never used them himself, he should be aware of what they look like.
Many people stay in contact with an ex or two. When you have a relationship with someone, you share yourself and your life with them for a short time. Just because you break up doesn't mean you magically stop caring about them. It just means the feelings shift from romantic to platonic over time. Contacting them because you care about their well-being and formed a friendly bond doesn't mean there are any ulterior motives to rekindle anything. They are exes for a reason. If they really wanted to get back together, they would be together.
Sure, talking to an ex may complicate things with a current partner, but it's all how you go about it. Having open communication about this issue is key, and coming to a compromise is extremely important for the overall health of the relationship. My main question, though, is if you trust him, why does it bother you? He may see it as you telling him he can't be friends with someone, while you think of it as simply his ex.
He may have deleted the texts with his ex or not told you about going to lunch with a friend because he knew it would upset you. That is absolutely the wrong way to handle that, because keeping things from you is never the answer. Breaking up with him when you get upset is also not a good way to handle the situation. Calm, open communication is the only way to resolve the issue. When you get upset, maybe try telling him you need some time to think or space to cool off instead of going straight to breaking up. When you do feel like talking, maybe try to voice your concerns as to why you don't want him talking to his exes. Maybe if he understood your reasons, he would be more willing to change his behaviours. Also, hearing his side of things and his reasons for keeping in contact with his exes would make it much easier for you both to find a compromise. It would also give you an opportunity to discuss how keeping things from you is not an acceptable practice despite how he thinks you would handle the information.
The most important question to be asking yourself is..m why is your self- worth so low that you're openly being your “partner” to spend time with you?
Who cares why, just leave.