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It is highly possible this is due to some sexual trauma. You can't force him to talk about it and with men or women sexual trauma is incredibly difficult to talk about for many obvious and not so obvious reasons. Sometimes they may not even know because some people don't even remember until they go to therapy because that's how your brain can protect itself. Either way he needs to communicate if there's a problem and you can communicate that it makes you uncomfortable.
Have you been in individual therapy? Having a partner go through trauma is very hot enough without it. I lean on my partner but the majority of support through depression and ptsd is my psychiatrist, therapist, and daily regime of medications. If you havent already this might be a good avenue
Legit what I was thinking lol.
Lol, I was thinking the same when I saw the title but op was thoughtful and sweet.
The hell? How much are we talking about you spending on your ex her? If current gf thinks asking for a car is reasonable compared to what you spent on your ex.
Also dump her
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It's not really the sisters fault when she see her brother still having a relationship with his abuser. I mean look at it from her perspective, op never filed charges and still comes by for a laugh and a drink. I doubt he has even told her the full scope of what happened.
It's just disingenuous to act like dad was just treating everyone worse and now is living a fake life.
i wanna apologize i didn't mean to say [fake] for his personality. I meant to say different. I edited the previous comment.
If his parenting is better as he is your father, doesn't that mean it was worse before the affair? (Trying to clarify)
As i stated above I'm not saying its a fake life, but I am saying that he was able to be someone different with his AP, I don't mean that as he is lying about it (can you imagine a 24/7 365day lie?) I'm saying he was always capable, and chose to change when he was with AP. Now that can be proof that him and your mom just didn't mix well, but it makes him not divorcing your mom first that more upsetting. Like you have someone you wanna be better with, and yet that wasn't a clue to do what he had to.
So, it wasn't in your original post, so is your mom doing better post divorce?
Are you just assuming my sexuality after SJWing op? Common if you’re tilted it’s cool. You keep talking about subject change when all you’ve done is change the subject. And personally attacking me when I haven’t said anything negative about you
If you don’t know how to have a debate/conversation we can take it slow.
He “might” be gay. Most straight men don’t go on extended vacations with a single gay man. If he’s gay that’s cool but Atleast OP should find out sooner rather than later
Flip the script on her. Go through with the divorce and work on yourself being happy and have more confidence. At the end the baby daddy will pay the child support or your wife. You can get away before the marriage turns 10 years.
But, dude, you DID do it. You can't take that back. It already happened.
If you stay, it’s a long road of pain my man. 10 years of lies. Can you handle it? Is she still who you thought she was? Will you wonder every time she goes out? Are these the only 2 her friend knew about?
Simple answer is, if that’s who you are, continue as you are until you find someone who appreciates you. However, as you imply, you are holding back your feelings because you think that will help your relationship then you need to change the next time around.
The idea is to find someone who loves you, not some idealized version of you.
It doesn't matter how many hundreds of times you post this the answer is the same… he's not interested in you.
I was really hoping I wouldn’t see you back here, my dude. I don’t think there’s any coming back from her behaviour. I really don’t think you can save this relationship if she’s going to continue to prioritise an abuser over your son.
To avoid it you just don’t click on it. Why are you clicking on it
I acknowledged from the start that lunch meetings are a thing, and I don't think it's not normal. However, I am offering a perspective so OP might better understand his wife, as he himself said he “doesn't follow this logic”. What his wife is feeling isn't logical; jealousy is often an irrational overreaction. She needs help to come to terms with her feelings and lack of trust. But just because it's not OP's fault, it doesn't mean that he shouldn't be a supportive partner anyway. This isn't a situation about being right or wrong; OP asked for advice on what he can do to assuage his wife's fears, which is great because his wife is evidently struggling to get out of this negative spiral on her own.
You are a horrible person. I feel sorry for your gf/wife. She's stick with an asshole