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I mostly agree with you but I don’t think the comment “I’d tell her that if she’s doing things for you that she doesn’t like, she’s not required to do them” is exactly it. A lot of people are pretty fine with doing things they don’t like that their partners LOVE, in order to please them. I think it would be more relevant to say that if she’s doing anything that MAKES HER UNCOMFORTABLE, she’s not required to do them. It might seem insignificant, but depending on the person, doing something you mildly don’t like vs are firmly uncomfortable with is an important distinction.
So sorry this happened. Is this out of character for him, or does he speak unkindly about other women’s bodies, too? It doesn’t matter either way— it’s awful— but I’m curious if you were completely blindsided by this. You don’t deserve it.
Since men are bad at planning…I just do me..I plan my own shit
When I first read this I didn’t know what to think. Loving a family member especially a parent unconditionally is sort of human nature..at the root you will always love your parent even if you hate them (if that makes sense); but all these comments are right.
He was selfish, he should have been protecting you and giving you a beautiful childhood when instead he used you. You and your siblings should have been taken away from him, and he should have to face the consequences of his actions. He has irrevocably altered your life, don’t let him also be the reason for altering your wife and children’s (by you getting a divorce).
Have you and him even discussed the abuse he put you through or does he just brush it off? Or is it just something you try to ignore? If he really felt remorse and love for you I believe he would do everything in his power to prove it to you, which would include him confessing to the police.
I’m really sorry OP, it’s not your fault and you deserved a better life than you were given. Don’t let emotion cloud your judgement, you have children think right now if you would ever even slightly imagine doing anything similar to them. If you feel disgusted by even reading that, then you’re a good father, but yours was and is not.
You’re an adult and a Canadian citizen. This is the moment to put your foot down if you want to have control over your romantic life. There may be consequences to your relationships and your support systems, and I would recommend getting advice from other people who have been in your shoes, dealing with parents trying to arrange a marriage.
You could also appease your mother a bit and perhaps get his phone number and see what you think of him and his attitudes. Maybe he would be right for you. You don’t mention if you’ve had any experience in relationships, or what you’re looking for.
Reading your posting history I don’t even know why you want to salvage that train-wreck.
What kind of problems do you and your partner have that make you worry? Like did something particular happen to make you post this? Why do you think you lack things like communication or critical thinking?You seem to be doing both of those things really well in this post. This reads like you're trying very hard and that there's maybe more context to this! Hope you're doing okay! 🙂
That makes 0 sense
It’s not YOUR job to fix this. He’s the one who has a weird psychological issue and is projecting it on to you. It’s disrespectful as well as hurtful. Don’t feel like you should be bending over backwards to make him see you as a sexual being again, because it’s his BS to work through. SMDH.
He has his dating app set to be matched with 20 year-olds and he is 43?
There's nothing illegal here so just message him and keep the conversation growing. The power dynamic will always be against you. Your chance of success with someone like this is VERY slim.
Imagine for a second… you want to date a guy who hasn't been born yet. He is more than double your age. He is looking for girls like you for a reason and it is NEVER a good reason.
I mean, how heartbroken could he be if he refused to fight for you? Thank the gods you didn’t waste anymore of your life on him. Like I always say, if he wanted to, he would. But Ben obviously didn’t want to stand up for you, which shows how truly unimportant you were to him. Remember that.
You deserve better.
We are using condoms and are being safe with how we go about this.