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8 thoughts on “SOFIA NIX online sex chats for YOU!”
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Perfectly valid concerns and communication from your side has not solved the issues.
Are they deal breakers for you? You are young, and seem to already have many issues in the relationship. There are many concerns (not being equal, not being compatible sexually, not getting along with your immediate family), and it would be reasonable to end the relationship on that basis alone.
Is this the person you are going to be spending the rest of your life with? You are already mentioning your fifties, seeing forward more time than you have been on the planet. If you don't think she is the one, and you are not happy, then move on.
If they are not deal breakers and she is the one, it seems like just voicing your concern is not enough. What happens if you stop driving and paying? I'm guessing more problems, otherwise it would seem like an easy fix. If that's a deal breaker for her, then she might end the relationship, does she value the relationship as high as you do? Are you willing to ignore the issues and keep being the one doing the majority of the lifting?
Bottom line is, you are not being a dick. Your concerns are valid and your relationship doesn't seem healthy and lasting into your 50's.
You gave him the wrong ultimatum. He doesn't need therapy he needs a new job. I would tell him point blank look this job is driving you crazy. We can't live! like this. Find a new job where you're happy.
It sounds like he's in law enforcement like a corrections officer. Private security is a much better path. A lot less stress and a lot more money.
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Op, I'm sorry that you had to endure this kind of abuse. I'm glad you have a therapist. Can you talk with them about trauma bonds? I understand how complicated adult relationships with abusers can be. You are an adult. If you don't bring your children around him, then while it may be something that people have to understand that it's your choice. However you need to talk to your sister. She needs to rethink her kids and their relationship with your father. Did he groom and abuse her, or just you? If just you, the concept of abuse may be too abstract. If he abused her too, she may need help with enmeshment. It's not terribly common, but not unheard of for past abuse victims may enable the abuser. I'm not saying this is what she is doing, but if your dad had the foresight to groom you before and during the abuse, that suggests he's manipulative enough to groom your sister and her children. For this reason you need to be willing to go nuclear in extracting those kids from “grampa”. Adults have every right to choose who they have a relationship with. They have every responsibility to protect children from unsafe adults and your dad is not safe. If she won't willingly stop their visits you need to report your abuse so that he cannot be around them. It might nuke your relationship with all of them, but think about it you can on-line with the knowledge that you could have saved those kids but didn't. I'm sorry op. This is a terrible situation.
I feel like that’s not necessarily “oh those damn old people don’t know social rules” and more of a woman desperately wanting to be of some help to her daughter with cancer. Plus it’s not always easy to see what the hardships of cancer are like. OP’s MIL knows what pregnancy is like
It's going okay for the most part. We definitely have a golden period afterwards. We talk about everything going on and discuss the ways we can fix it and he does it for maybe a day and then we go back to normal. He always says he forgets and says it's his undiagnosed ADHD or something else (he just lost a close family member in mid January) so it gets frustrating. I think he's kinda turned away from it because all of our discussions dig into him and he doesn't seem to have much to discuss about me.
He justifies it because it’s something he’d do. And if he’d do it, it can’t be bad because he’s not a bad person. It must be someone else’s fault or weakness, not his. Even though he even admitted it he’d enjoy it sexually assaulting someone.
He’s so far gone he believes the lies he’s told himself.
He is a bad person. A terrible one who should come with a warning label tattooed to his forehead.
You need to badly take a step back and consider this relationship, your goals and future – then speak with your partner about this and make sure you're both compatible.
You've said a bunch of things which are concerning and need to be reviewed:
We always took things sorta fast, we had “sex” after the 2nd date, I met his parents after the 4th, we went to prom together a month after starting dating, and we went on all sorts of trips together. He proposed this last December on my birthday, and we are getting married next week.
You can't rewind time, but you can fix what you have. If things are moving too fast, put the brakes on. Don't get married, take your time and actually get used to this person you're with.
Get to know him well, properly, live with him for an extended period and make sure your goals, lifestyles and general outlook work together – because if they don't, this Marriage, much less the relationship, will not work.
I want to become an art curator and travel the world and run museum to share my love of art and history. I want to experience all of the things other people have done.
Have you spoken with him about this? Have you considered how marrying him will affect this? Most importantly – why are you comparing yourself to “all the things other people have done”?
I'd also love to travel the world, live! out of a backpack and Motorcycle only and be a nomad for a few years however I'm pragmatic and know that isn't realistic for quite a while – it's a “want” not a “need” and something I can work towards.
If you want all that right now and to do it while young? Well fine, but do you have a plan on how to carry this out? Have you drawn up even a basic plan on how to achieve these things and seen if your partner wants to go with you, do it together? This is a big “together” talk you need to have.
We have always talked about marriage and having babies, but I know I am not ready for them. Everyone is asking me if I am nervous for the wedding, but I'm not. I'm nervous because I feel as if I am throwing everything that I want to be away.
First of all – kids and starting a family is something you both need to 100% be on the same floor about. If he wants one and you don't, be clear and fair to him and say you don't want one – whether it's now, or ever, but be fair to everyone and clear on that.
Secondly – just because you want X, doesn't mean getting married is “throwing your life away” – the whole point of being married and with someone on that relationship level is you both love each other, want to support and be there for each other and that includes your goals and desires for the future. He may well want to go with you, support your career and aspirations, or you may need to compromise so he can have his too (again, relationship: it's two of you, not just one).
If you aren't compatible and he doesn't want to? Well you desperately need to use your voice and make it clear you aren't OK with how the relationship is going, it's moved too fast and you need to halt things and talk to decide if you can carry on together.
We moved into an apartment last Summer, and I tried to get us a different one, closer to places that I can thrive in my career, but he said he was going to help but he never did so I was forced to sign the lease for another year. I was heart broken but he didn't understand why I was upset even though I tried to tell him why. He always gets mad over monly and, even though I told him not to complain to me about money because he always makes me feel super anxious to the point of being ill, he disregards my wishes. He never tells me I'm beautiful or smart or anything that other people are told, even though I asked him if he could say it once in a while since ive never really been told that, he tells me that he doesn't like it.
So the long and short of this is, in closing:
-You don't like the relationship you're in -You want to do different things, go places and do things
All you've said, broken down, sounds like you want freedom and are currently “trapped”.
First of all, sort your relationship out – you aren't “forced” into anything you don't want to be or have a means to not be part of.
For your relationship, talk to your partner. Establish whether you can continue together and he either gets on board with what you want, or you get off the ride and aren't together any longer. Make it clear this is an ultimatum, not some kind of “feel free to be bothered when you can”.
For your living arrangement, if things aren't working out and you want to leave? You can speak to the landlord about breaking the lease and discuss what's involved to just have your (ex or otherwise) partner as the sole tenant. This'll probably cost you, but you don't know until you talk about it with them and if you want out, it's your only real option.
Regarding the rest of your life and aspirations? You do you. But you'll need to think about, plan and ensure your “how to on-line my life” objectives can be reached and how to reach those. It will take some real thought, but I have complete confidence that if you're determined, you'll be spinning around the globe and loving it all the way through.
It sounds like you've had, in a few words a real “rough” life up til now, but you can turn that page and write your story how you want it to be if you want – you clearly have desires and things you want to tick off a list, so get out there and do it. You'll hopefully find someone at some point who wants to either do it with you, or supports and loves you on equal terms to be there when you come back.