I guess I didn’t tell her right away after the second time because I just didn’t want to go through the drama of it all again. It was so terrible the first time. It’s crossed my mind a lot even before I found out they got engaged, but I wanted to move on from that.
You are not the victim. Stop playing at it. Your husband and the children are the victims. You did not make a mistake, you knowingly and willingly went to have sex with an old boyfriend. Your husband and the children aha e the right to know about your selfishness. Your only making things worse for yourself, but your so selfish that you can’t see that. Your relationship with your husband and children is a lie.
Yeah I have been thinking that, like we do talk about issues and work through them but I feels like there are these areas where we just can't click or can't see eye to eye with each other
Heartbreak suck and hurt like hell. Make a list of things that you always wanted to, but was too scared to do them. Then do it! Heal I can not say enough! Work on healing from this. You will get through this. You will find someone who matches you more.
Your family has a good point, it's just not quite…
Your boyfriend has basically said, sure, you can have whatever you want, you pay for it. And that's how normal expenditures go.
This is not how a wedding gets planned. I think both of you need to sit down and go through the different steps of wedding planning, starting with the very first step of what is the budget. He needs to find out if his parents will give him any money for the wedding, and then he needs to figure out if he has any money to put towards the wedding. If his side has nothing, perhaps you should seriously consider whether you care about getting married, or whether you care about having a wedding. You can have both, but it sounds like you will need to think carefully about what things are most important for you and whether it is worth it.
The word wedding brings up ideas of a storybook fairy tale day but it sounds like that is not going to be your reality with how the budget is going so far. There are still plenty of options out there, but you need to think carefully and figure it out together.
The thing that I would be cautious about, the thing that your parents are probably picking up, is that your boyfriend doesn't seem to be very excited about the idea. He is happy to go along for the ride, but he doesn't really seem to care one way or the other. He's just saying, sure, you can do whatever you want, I don't mind. As if you're just ordering a cheeseburger.
I hope all the people on Reddit who recommend leaving your husband/wife for any transgression read this one – “how adults handle conflict in their marriage: communication!”
You don’t understand my point then. He emotionally needed distance and to see his mother. I understand you needed help. But he did too. And you couldn’t help him.
I understand that the decision is ultimately not mine. However, I want to approach this as a family unit. I know what I did was horrible, but moving forward I want my wife to think about us.
I was fine with this until he said it was all your fault, and then you told him you were upset and he said he didn’t care about it. This doesn’t really sound like a guy who’s mature enough to be in a relationship.
For me, the issue would be that my partner was more focused on my physical appearance more than my health. Looks matter, but I couldn't be with someone who would break into tears because I gained a modest amount of weight during a time where I had a heavy academic workload.
What if you get a chronic disease that impacts your ability to bike or run. You could still be healthy but staying below a certain weight could be almost impossible. What about the general decline in your metabolism,wrinkles, etc from natural aging? You definitely need to talk about these things because it'll just continue to eat at you and your self image.
Yeah I used to feel guilty about invading his privacy but Idc anymore if I’m being honest and idk how I feel about him right now but I don’t want to be quick in naming him a “bad guy”
My dad had Parkinson’s as well as dementia and was in a nursing home when my mother died. We decided to tell him, and he became very upset. We brought him to the funeral home so he could see her in the casket and paid to have the nursing home bring him to her funeral.
He really didn’t mention it after that, and one time my sister brought up that it had been 3 years since she passed in front of him.
He became upset again as if he was hearing it for the first time. We made sure to never bring it up again as we didn’t want him to go through that again. He passed away about 5 years later.
> he doesn’t support me, isolates me, makes everything about himself, he’s always triggered by me, and I put all the effort in and he doesn’t.
What are your arguments against these points?
If they are that he is really nice other times, or you feel like it might be your fault he is those things, or he blames everyone and everything else for his bad behaviour, then yes this will sound like you're being abused.
I recommend minding your business and not peeking on people's folders or peeking on phones, when possible.
Delete the folder if you want him to break up with you.
You spy on him and now he's the ***hole for having his own porn fetish? I suspect those models are unharmed. Anyone putting pics live! risks people doing whatever with the photos. I suspect they have probably posed like that themselves anyway
Don't tell him or apologize and give him some nudes of you is what I suggest
3 weeks postpartum
That's fucked up. He gives no shits about you. You are a tool for his pleasure.
Get out.
I guess I didn’t tell her right away after the second time because I just didn’t want to go through the drama of it all again. It was so terrible the first time. It’s crossed my mind a lot even before I found out they got engaged, but I wanted to move on from that.
You are not the victim. Stop playing at it. Your husband and the children are the victims. You did not make a mistake, you knowingly and willingly went to have sex with an old boyfriend. Your husband and the children aha e the right to know about your selfishness. Your only making things worse for yourself, but your so selfish that you can’t see that. Your relationship with your husband and children is a lie.
Yeah I have been thinking that, like we do talk about issues and work through them but I feels like there are these areas where we just can't click or can't see eye to eye with each other
Heartbreak suck and hurt like hell. Make a list of things that you always wanted to, but was too scared to do them. Then do it! Heal I can not say enough! Work on healing from this. You will get through this. You will find someone who matches you more.
Your family has a good point, it's just not quite…
Your boyfriend has basically said, sure, you can have whatever you want, you pay for it. And that's how normal expenditures go.
This is not how a wedding gets planned. I think both of you need to sit down and go through the different steps of wedding planning, starting with the very first step of what is the budget. He needs to find out if his parents will give him any money for the wedding, and then he needs to figure out if he has any money to put towards the wedding. If his side has nothing, perhaps you should seriously consider whether you care about getting married, or whether you care about having a wedding. You can have both, but it sounds like you will need to think carefully about what things are most important for you and whether it is worth it.
The word wedding brings up ideas of a storybook fairy tale day but it sounds like that is not going to be your reality with how the budget is going so far. There are still plenty of options out there, but you need to think carefully and figure it out together.
The thing that I would be cautious about, the thing that your parents are probably picking up, is that your boyfriend doesn't seem to be very excited about the idea. He is happy to go along for the ride, but he doesn't really seem to care one way or the other. He's just saying, sure, you can do whatever you want, I don't mind. As if you're just ordering a cheeseburger.
Sounds like you worked it out, OP.
I hope all the people on Reddit who recommend leaving your husband/wife for any transgression read this one – “how adults handle conflict in their marriage: communication!”
You don’t understand my point then. He emotionally needed distance and to see his mother. I understand you needed help. But he did too. And you couldn’t help him.
I understand that the decision is ultimately not mine. However, I want to approach this as a family unit. I know what I did was horrible, but moving forward I want my wife to think about us.
I’m 40 and I care what my Mom thinks and if she would approve or not. Guess I’m in a different state of life ?♀️
Yeah kind of my thought too, I’m sure probably 80% of the guys on there at the least are sexist lol.
Yes, you should dump your girlfriend.
Thx
I was fine with this until he said it was all your fault, and then you told him you were upset and he said he didn’t care about it. This doesn’t really sound like a guy who’s mature enough to be in a relationship.
If your husband doesn’t want to bring up her inappropriate nicknames for him, let him know you’ll address it with her on your movie night.
TLDR please
See? Doing that is not a big deal. It’s exercise, it’s good. It’s when you go to six, seven, eight times a year, that’s a little weird.
For me, the issue would be that my partner was more focused on my physical appearance more than my health. Looks matter, but I couldn't be with someone who would break into tears because I gained a modest amount of weight during a time where I had a heavy academic workload.
What if you get a chronic disease that impacts your ability to bike or run. You could still be healthy but staying below a certain weight could be almost impossible. What about the general decline in your metabolism,wrinkles, etc from natural aging? You definitely need to talk about these things because it'll just continue to eat at you and your self image.
Yeah I used to feel guilty about invading his privacy but Idc anymore if I’m being honest and idk how I feel about him right now but I don’t want to be quick in naming him a “bad guy”
You are right. Thanks I needed to have other people tell me this, even though I feel like I already knew it was the right answer
My dad had Parkinson’s as well as dementia and was in a nursing home when my mother died. We decided to tell him, and he became very upset. We brought him to the funeral home so he could see her in the casket and paid to have the nursing home bring him to her funeral.
He really didn’t mention it after that, and one time my sister brought up that it had been 3 years since she passed in front of him.
He became upset again as if he was hearing it for the first time. We made sure to never bring it up again as we didn’t want him to go through that again. He passed away about 5 years later.
He's old enough to be starting a family; you should still be in the 'dating around to see what works/doesn't work for me' phase.
> he doesn’t support me, isolates me, makes everything about himself, he’s always triggered by me, and I put all the effort in and he doesn’t.
What are your arguments against these points?
If they are that he is really nice other times, or you feel like it might be your fault he is those things, or he blames everyone and everything else for his bad behaviour, then yes this will sound like you're being abused.
This is a very quick way to end up with an ex-fiancé.
I recommend minding your business and not peeking on people's folders or peeking on phones, when possible.
Delete the folder if you want him to break up with you.
You spy on him and now he's the ***hole for having his own porn fetish? I suspect those models are unharmed. Anyone putting pics live! risks people doing whatever with the photos. I suspect they have probably posed like that themselves anyway
Don't tell him or apologize and give him some nudes of you is what I suggest