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He’s not your husband. In every way shape and form.
This isn’t normal. Maybe if it’s a gay best friend. Too weird dude.
I just went though a divorce after I found out my wife cheated on me…my advice, block and delete her. Also, don't dive into the bottle. Try and work through is sober, you'll get back on your feet faster and it might avoid doing some stupid shit.
Please do some reading. It will help you understand that your feelings are normal, expected and don't make you a bad guy. Then get on out there and start experiencing what it feels like. It is really, really great!
She has some serious personal issues and she's normalized her extreme reactions and constant fears.
Unless she admits that she wants to be better, things won't change. She has to want to be free of this in order to start working on herself.
Your son desperately needs a therapist, preferably a man. You need to be single for a while and a therapist yourself. It's not fair to your son to keep bringing men into his life that expose him to violence and set a terrible example of what a relationship looks like.
What is wrong with HIM? Girlfriend, there’s so much wrong with this.