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Grief does cause people to do and feel some strange things and I’m speaking from experience. However, this “affair” went on for THREE YEARS not a couple of hook-ups because they were grieving. They both knew how it looked that’s why they kept it a secret. Honestly, your fiancé should’ve taken that secret to the grave. What did she expect your response to be, “thank you for your honesty, just knowing you and BIL were banging for three years prior to meeting me is awesome. It will totally make family get togethers so comfortable now that you decided to finally be honest”. You people are celebrating this woman’s honesty and expecting OP to just get over it because it happened “before” she met him. OP has to see this man at family functions and holidays and will undoubtedly have racing thoughts about any interactions between these two because he NOW knows they smashed. OP has a right to feel this way and take time to make sure of whether or not he wants to move forward. His fiancé should of told him in the beginning of their relationship or not at all. My suspicion is that if she told him when they initially started dating he would’ve ended it then and she didn’t want that.
Lol. You think vulgar granny gives any fucks about you clutching your pearls while she gets a good chuckle? I don’t disagree it stands to reason this could get awkward. But shiiiit, when I’m old and gray I hope I’m this funny. As long as granny isn’t having health issues causing uncharacteristic behavior, this is the kind of thing people like you need to either a) lighten up and laugh a little or b) give people with a sense of humor a good laugh when your panties get all in a bunch. Because I bet you wear the big ol granny ones. Thongs are SO distasteful! But lucky for me I’m vulgar and don’t wear any panties at all! You should try it! That stick up your ass might fall out though. ???
Limerence will do that, make you question long term relationships. The grass is greener where you water it.
You have set the boundary that you are okay with strangers but not people you know. Least of all someone you have cause to be jealous of. He did the right thing by telling you about it, but it’s still cheating. Emotional cheating still counts. Autism isn’t an excuse.
You should marry her and adopt the child. That gives her legal protections if she's doubting your commitment. It also gives you legal protections if she tries to use a child you care about as a weapon to hurt you. Ignore all the other people spouting drama stuff. None of that really matters. If you want to take care of someone, take care of them.
Sounds like you have chosen what you're doing over your girlfriend. It's not a bad thing, but ask any married guy, and he will tell you your hobbies are something you get to do a few times a year because between work and spending time with your spouse you have very little time together. For instance, this week I've seen my wife in the evening from 7pm to 9pm all week. The next day off we have together is possibly next Saturday so until then it's two hours a day. If I tried to do my hobby on that Saturday it would be selfish to our relationship.