When my wife and I were having our first son I asked her if she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I certainly didnt force her to do anything, I just wanted her to have that option since she didnt like the idea of our kids going to daycare.
She wanted to continue working though and continue both her career and build her retirement.
I would argue the vast majority of people probably have healthy relationships and you just dont hear about the good healthy discussions surrounding these choices because that doesnt make the news.
I've been where she's at. It's not coming from feelings that she still has for him. It's coming from “what's wrong with me?” type of thing.
I had an ex that was all ready for getting married, I had a ring was starting to put ideas together, looking at dresses. Then one day he calls it off for the stupid reason of “he didn't want to get married abd then come home to see me in bed with another dude” (I have never cheated on any of my boyfriends, but he had cheated on me) then find out after a few months finding out he's going to marry his new gf of 2 weeks. Yes he had only known her for 2 weeks when they got married. I kind of went through those types of thoughts, was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough? It can really fuck with your head. Just give her some space and be there..I wouldn't suggest braking up..that would only make her go back to where she is right now.
asking me to be okay with the three of them spending time together without me even after marriage
Why would this not be okay with you? Future BIL issues to the side; why would your fiance spending time with her family without you be some sort of problem?
Now, for advice, I would tell future MIL you are interested in creating and maintaining a good relationship with all of them. That you don't really agree with the situation but you are willing to do your part to make things better between you and BIL. Ask her to help you out, put a good word in and then just give it some time.
I don't like my sister's partner. I've seen alot of stuff go down between the two of them and even though it seems they have worked it out I really believe my sister is making the wrong choice everyday she chooses this partner. Of course, that is not for me to decide and I treat her normally (not warmly perhaps but politely for sure). If BIL is a reasonable person I'm sure he'll get there.
Go get involved in something you're interested in. Join a book club. Take a cooking course. Play on a beach volleyball team. Join a running group. Volunteer at an animal shelter or a soup kitchen. Whatever it is that you care about and find meaningful or enjoyable.
You will meet people organically by getting out there and involved in your community, much more so than by working out at the gym alone and hanging out with your family. Some of those people will become friends, which you need just as much as a gf (or more). Some of those people might be potential dates.
I know that, you know that’s not what I meant. Imagine a world where it was men who had the ability to carry a child, but women could not. In that case, wouldn’t it be the women who would be fighting for their right to be acknowledged and given their rights to have a say in being a parent. In that case, if they were being left out and being told it was nothing to do with them or their opinion on it didn’t matter because it wasn’t their body, trust me there would be social justice movements for the rights of mothers to be acknowledged. But here in this case we don’t give that respect to the men just because they are merely the fathers and “sperm doners”. We wouldn’t want that thinking if the tables were turned. That’s the point I was making.
Is she from Brazil?
When my wife and I were having our first son I asked her if she wanted to be a stay at home mom. I certainly didnt force her to do anything, I just wanted her to have that option since she didnt like the idea of our kids going to daycare.
She wanted to continue working though and continue both her career and build her retirement.
I would argue the vast majority of people probably have healthy relationships and you just dont hear about the good healthy discussions surrounding these choices because that doesnt make the news.
I agree absolutely.
I've been where she's at. It's not coming from feelings that she still has for him. It's coming from “what's wrong with me?” type of thing.
I had an ex that was all ready for getting married, I had a ring was starting to put ideas together, looking at dresses. Then one day he calls it off for the stupid reason of “he didn't want to get married abd then come home to see me in bed with another dude” (I have never cheated on any of my boyfriends, but he had cheated on me) then find out after a few months finding out he's going to marry his new gf of 2 weeks. Yes he had only known her for 2 weeks when they got married. I kind of went through those types of thoughts, was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough? It can really fuck with your head. Just give her some space and be there..I wouldn't suggest braking up..that would only make her go back to where she is right now.
asking me to be okay with the three of them spending time together without me even after marriage
Why would this not be okay with you? Future BIL issues to the side; why would your fiance spending time with her family without you be some sort of problem?
Now, for advice, I would tell future MIL you are interested in creating and maintaining a good relationship with all of them. That you don't really agree with the situation but you are willing to do your part to make things better between you and BIL. Ask her to help you out, put a good word in and then just give it some time.
I don't like my sister's partner. I've seen alot of stuff go down between the two of them and even though it seems they have worked it out I really believe my sister is making the wrong choice everyday she chooses this partner. Of course, that is not for me to decide and I treat her normally (not warmly perhaps but politely for sure). If BIL is a reasonable person I'm sure he'll get there.
No worries (and happy to help)
Go get involved in something you're interested in. Join a book club. Take a cooking course. Play on a beach volleyball team. Join a running group. Volunteer at an animal shelter or a soup kitchen. Whatever it is that you care about and find meaningful or enjoyable.
You will meet people organically by getting out there and involved in your community, much more so than by working out at the gym alone and hanging out with your family. Some of those people will become friends, which you need just as much as a gf (or more). Some of those people might be potential dates.
500 feet to the nearest bathroom? I'd piss in your cup too.
They’re not sane either. What a ridiculous position to take.
If she ever allows herself to be provided for by another man, she needs to go.
how long have you been doubting the relationship
I know that, you know that’s not what I meant. Imagine a world where it was men who had the ability to carry a child, but women could not. In that case, wouldn’t it be the women who would be fighting for their right to be acknowledged and given their rights to have a say in being a parent. In that case, if they were being left out and being told it was nothing to do with them or their opinion on it didn’t matter because it wasn’t their body, trust me there would be social justice movements for the rights of mothers to be acknowledged. But here in this case we don’t give that respect to the men just because they are merely the fathers and “sperm doners”. We wouldn’t want that thinking if the tables were turned. That’s the point I was making.