But realize, it’s just a piece. I’ll never truly have him.
Well, I think change that framing. The cheating is part of him. I worry that was the mistake you made, that you viewed his infidelity as just a matter of him being unable to focus, or whomever he dated 'not being enough' or whatever. We all hope we will be the gamechanger and cheaters are good at making us feel we might be.
But this is him. You did get the whole of him. And the cheating, the need to jerk around anyone he claims to care about, to waste the time of everyone he is romantically involved with, is part of him.
I say this because he will come at you with a lot of pretty words. He will love bomb you, promise you get all of him from now on, that its all you. But that is bullshit. This is him. And you don't like it, for good reason. He won't change either and even if he magically did you'd resent forever it took you suffering so much to make it happen.
She’s also your first heartbreak. Focus on yourself, health wise both physical and mental. Travel. Pick up a book or hobby. Get back on the horse, as you have a long road ahead to find a good partner worth your time energy and resources.
I wouldn't be able to respect my bf to be honest and couldn't see myself having children with such a man. If he had distanced himself and his dad wasn't in his life anymore, different story. As is, I'd break up immediately without a second thought.
I would never say that to my guy friends about their girlfriends. I have too much respect for them, their partner and their relationship. I guess this is where we differ.
Clearly OP isn't okay with it either. And it's not an unreasonable thing to not be okay with.
When I try to talk to her about it, she just starts crying and says that I will leave her because I am not attracted to her sexually.
You need to have another conversation and be clear you’re sexually attracted to her but you ARE going to leave her if she can’t maturely discuss issues with you. And at the very least you refuse to marry someone who does that because you’re marriage WILL far apart because of it.
I used to be that inexperienced girl who star fished and was terrified of doing really anything for fear of being made a fool or laughed at. I just couldn’t put myself out there sexually, I think it was a mix of my personality and a few bad partners. I always thought I’d do better with the next one because I could try and “fake it to make it” and start out that way so it wouldn’t be weird when I suddenly started acting out more sexually. Lmao it didn’t really work, but having different partners helped me slowly come out of my shell.
But I digress because if she’s happy to initiate like that then idk, it kind of sounds like she’s just happy with being a lazy partner and things she can throw a tantrum to keep you from leaving whenever you bring it up? Or maybe she is really insecure like I was. Idk, and neither will you if she won’t have a conversation over it.
Yeah I think it's OP that suffers from derealization if he thinks this will get better for him
But realize, it’s just a piece. I’ll never truly have him.
Well, I think change that framing. The cheating is part of him. I worry that was the mistake you made, that you viewed his infidelity as just a matter of him being unable to focus, or whomever he dated 'not being enough' or whatever. We all hope we will be the gamechanger and cheaters are good at making us feel we might be.
But this is him. You did get the whole of him. And the cheating, the need to jerk around anyone he claims to care about, to waste the time of everyone he is romantically involved with, is part of him.
I say this because he will come at you with a lot of pretty words. He will love bomb you, promise you get all of him from now on, that its all you. But that is bullshit. This is him. And you don't like it, for good reason. He won't change either and even if he magically did you'd resent forever it took you suffering so much to make it happen.
My ex was was like this. Always late when we had plans and if I drove and didn’t do 90mph it was my fault we we didn’t get there on time.
She’s also your first heartbreak. Focus on yourself, health wise both physical and mental. Travel. Pick up a book or hobby. Get back on the horse, as you have a long road ahead to find a good partner worth your time energy and resources.
I wouldn't be able to respect my bf to be honest and couldn't see myself having children with such a man. If he had distanced himself and his dad wasn't in his life anymore, different story. As is, I'd break up immediately without a second thought.
I would never say that to my guy friends about their girlfriends. I have too much respect for them, their partner and their relationship. I guess this is where we differ.
Clearly OP isn't okay with it either. And it's not an unreasonable thing to not be okay with.
When I try to talk to her about it, she just starts crying and says that I will leave her because I am not attracted to her sexually.
You need to have another conversation and be clear you’re sexually attracted to her but you ARE going to leave her if she can’t maturely discuss issues with you. And at the very least you refuse to marry someone who does that because you’re marriage WILL far apart because of it.
I used to be that inexperienced girl who star fished and was terrified of doing really anything for fear of being made a fool or laughed at. I just couldn’t put myself out there sexually, I think it was a mix of my personality and a few bad partners. I always thought I’d do better with the next one because I could try and “fake it to make it” and start out that way so it wouldn’t be weird when I suddenly started acting out more sexually. Lmao it didn’t really work, but having different partners helped me slowly come out of my shell.
But I digress because if she’s happy to initiate like that then idk, it kind of sounds like she’s just happy with being a lazy partner and things she can throw a tantrum to keep you from leaving whenever you bring it up? Or maybe she is really insecure like I was. Idk, and neither will you if she won’t have a conversation over it.