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Seems to me she wants to divorce but doesn't want to be the one to file. Best of luck bud. I couldn't handle this.
What are premium shifts? In Canada you show up, you tip the dj, you work.
Some thoughts
Do you have ADHD because it can lead to hyperfixations?
This reads like a teen obsession, has anything happened recently to remind you of a stressful time in your teen years that might have knocked you back in your mindset?
Choose someone else you like (I don’t know what else you like but let’s use Beyoncé as an example). Whenever the temptation to watch HS strikes, watch Beyoncé instead.
Whenever you find yourself wanting to watch HS, write down something sweet about your husband – a memory of a shared trip, something about him you love, a quality he possesses, etc
Lastly, celebrity crushes are normal. They don’t mean that you are a bad person or an unfaithful spouse.
People love to jump to a breakup. If it were for this sub literally no one would be in a relationship since the solution is always to break up. ? In my opinion, the way to move forward is for him to accept he’s not going to be getting head from you. He clearly enjoys sex with you, so if he’s willing to move past that to get all the other wonderful things in the relationship, then there’s no need to end it. This can be solved with a meaningful heart-to-heart conversation.
Ps, my husband (been together 7 yrs), doesn’t like blowjobs. I truly feel like the luckiest woman alive. But sometimes… sometimes I kinda miss giving them (then I get over it and remember how lucky I am). But the point is that we can’t have always seems more tempting! Human nature. And I think your bf experienced that feeling even though he doesn’t actually need the bjs.
Op Jack is jealous of you and your relationship with his buddy. He doesn't like to share his friend. It was ok then he hadn't met you,but now he has and he has to face reality. He can't handle it. Maybe it would be anyone,but unfortunately you are that woman. Your fiancee is letting you down. Tell him exactly how you feel,and that you expected more from him!your man should always have your back and have your needs come first. You should be able to feel safe around him,and anyone else who around you both.
Maybe he’s building an art room.
??
I was looking for this!
Just tell her. She needs to know it's not her fault and that you're just a racist.
If a white person does this to a non-white person, they'd be called a white supremacist.
Just be honest 🙂
Get a job.
Well if you want to throw him out then just do that. We can’t do anything to help you with that. It definitely won’t help with your relationship with him and most likely won’t help his behavior, but hey if you don’t care then do you.
Her being a muslim has got nothing to do with anything. Stop panicking and start thinking in doing what is the best for you.
The calling you a c**t is a reason to break up. The pictures, not necessarily. I destroy everything after a relationship but I’m also someone who doesn’t place sentimental value on things. When I first started dating my now husband I was very surprised that he had pictures of his ex still on Facebook, and on his phone. When I spoke to him about it, he said he didn’t like to pretend his past life didn’t happen. He actually has pictures of all past relationships now, ten years on. I still find it strange but I know they mean nothing to him and he just thinks differently about it than I do.
If she is from the UK she would already know this and not have the kind of strong reaction she did.
When you’re just now realizing that you are the side-piece
Dump her
This is so extremely unlikely to happen in the first place, let alone get to a point where it would actually cause a problem. We carry around tiny computers that can easily store an image of your marriage license; it’s also very easy to keep one folded up in your wallet just in case.
Fwiw: my husband and I have different last names and different nationalities, and we travel internationally regularly to countries where this is not common. Not once in 15 years has this ever come up. Like at all, in any capacity.
He's taking advantage of you on purpose. In fact, I bet he isn't even planning on breaking up with you. He just wants you to feel “less than”. This makes you anxious and willing to work even harder to please him. It's absolutely a manipulation tactic and he's an asshole.
This is so weird!! I'm sorry, I can only speak from my own experience but my partner is an avid runner and participates in races 1-2 a month. I go to every single race and it's thrilling to watch him accomplish something! I love cheering him on and taking photos at the finish line. Your husband honestly sounds like a jerk. Why is the bar so low? Your partner SHOULD be supportive.
Your boyfriend is violent.
Regardless, of your brother said, beating him is not the answer.
Your boyfriend's behavior is dangerous. Next time, he will slap you for something you say.
Ask him to take a drug test and see how fast he freaks out
You two don't seem compatible at all.
I like your boyfriends 0 tolerance policy on racism
you should adopt it as well
It might be kinda pushing it, but it does still pass the half-plus-seven test.
You do nothing. Move on and forget about her.
I don’t think you would be happy long term if you always need to negotiate your boundaries with her…and yes her reaction is a red flag regardless of her gender
He was uncomfortable too. Sorry if that is unclear in the post. And he would be uncomfortable if my male boss behaved like that with me. It was his idea to say something to his boss; I just don’t know if it’s worth it.
Yeah, I know that I've had sex on the first date before. But I was actually sexually into the guy and he KNEW this. And he wasn't being sneaky about wanting sex either see the difference?
And he was actually someone that I had actually met in person before I had sex with him.
What this guy is doing on this app is a turn off he's interrogating me and asking me these questions to see if I'll give it up on the first date but I'm not.
Most of what you said is perfect but #3 Is that what you would say if it was a woman? No, he shouldn’t ask himself those questions. What did it effect? Your ego? Shame on you, you know that is not the advice you would give a woman.
Well… You let him treat you like shit and you continue to forgive.
Why would he change if he knows he can get away with doing whatever he wants?
If you continue to let people treat you like a doormat that is how they will always treat you.
I am considering it but I feel like it might make me look bad to ask him that. And what if he tells her or something? Seems just so crazy to go and ask him that
You didn't cheat, but it'll still feel pretty awful for him.
The relationship is over, it might not be fair, you didn't do anything wrong as such, but ultimately relationships don't bounce back from stuff like this.
I'm like your husband.
If the continued existence of the world was dependent on me keeping my apartment clean for a month… I'm sorry but we ain't going to make it.
I can't just make myself do a task.
Currently waiting on a referral to get tested for ADHD.
Sounds like it's well past time to separate your finances back out. I wouldn't recommend combining them at all unless you're getting married.
Okay ?
Since when is snow the reason for canceling a ski trip? When I used to go, that was what we hoped for. Why was it never mentioned this guy would be this trip? Why wasn’t it mentioned she’d be staying with him?
Let me ask you, does she ski a lot? Does she have her own equipment? If so, did she get her equipment tuned up for the trip? The reason I ask these things is that it sounds like there never was a ski trip and the plan all along was to stay with this guy.
Now it could be that she’s basically a chaperone for her roommate but even then the deception and lie’s would force me to end it.
Send her a text saying “I hope you’re having a good time because I’m having a terrible time here deciding whether to end it now or wait until you get back.”
When she and Bob were having their little thing, you weren't even in the picture. So don't be ticked at Bob.
At this point, if you're going to be worrying all the time about what she might or might not want, then she's obviously not the one to give you peace and contentment in your life. It's time to start looking for someone who will.
Sounds like a total shitberg. You can do better.
Dating is a test and you failed.
You only maybe get a second chance when kids are involved.
There's so many wonderful reliable people. Why would she settle for you?
Learn from this lesson. Most people will not tolerate your BS.
Thats why women should never play the „cool girlfriend“
I hate to break this to you, but your days there are numbered already.
You shut your boss down. You rejected him.
He'll start cutting your hours, giving your shifts away, nit picking your performance… He will find a way to push you out the door.
That's what these types do.
If you really don't want to report him, then you actually should leave. If you think you have any future there now
… I'm sorry, you're very naive.
That still doesn’t mean she’s putting other women at risk, which is what I disagree with in your original comment.
Damm totally sucks bro! Condolences on the death of that relationship. But in hindsight you finding out about this work office affair, was a blessing you dodged bullet. Imagine if this happened after the wedding. Cut your losses and never speak to her again; even when the AP tires of her which he most likely will and she tries to get back to you don’t. Don’t be her fall back guy, move forward with your life. Don’t be the dummy that takes her back and you back on Reddit talking bout I reconciled and she cheated again. Be better! Good luck ✌?
Wow. That’s possible. I didn’t think of that.
You don’t cheat if you love someone. If you want to give him a second chance, both of you need a therapist and he needs to show change in behavior. Based on Reddit posts, it’s rare that this works, but some couples can renew the love and trust.
If you’re obsessed with revenge cheating, then you don’t love him anymore. You’’ll need therapy to cope with either starting over with him or being single. You’re young, not married, and you don’t have a kid with him. You can break up and have a clean slate.
Honestly for me there would be no coming back from this for the same reasons you mentioned.
I do not think discussing the concept itself should be off the table
He discussed it. OP gave him the space to discuss it. But that doesn't free him from the consequences of his words. Hearing her spouse wants to sleep with other people is a box she can't unopen.
The issue isn't the discussion. It's the desire itself.
Only if you fully understand each other
They fully understand. He knows OP is in no way okay with this and it could end their marriage. OP knows this is something he wanted, but can live without if it means not losing her. Understanding isn't the issue. Moving past it is.
You're likely in a bit of a rut
Absolutely. But that's the least of their problems. OP does not want to go on a date with a husband who wants to fuck other women.
It sounds like you two are not compatible. She doesn't communicate the way you do, given how you describe her in your post. And that includes how you two view affection and other relationship behavior. You might just try saying that you have problems with how she is talking with you and how she behaves and see if she can compromise in these issues. And if not you two need to make a choice.
Wtf? A couple hours maybe but 20 minutes?? I could take a shit for longer than 20 minutes, jesus give her space and time. There are plenty of things she could be doing that take 30 minutes to do. She’s not leaving you hanging all day. You really need to chill. The age gap is also a bit weird but especially weird when you start acting like that. I have a feeling this isn’t the only red flag behavior you display.
Been there brother. My biggest regret was telling coworkers because it hindsight I couldn’t see how pathetic and dumb I was being.
Yes but you already did. Can’t change it. You however can still leave 🙂
some clear headed advice, ask her and be upfront about your concerns, be tactical in how you ask without pushing her into a corner. Be ready to call your mom and don't be afraid to shed a tear when she clearly does deny a pregnancy test. If she does take it, and it comes out positive, be happy and prepare to make announcements to your close family/friends. If it is negative, call your mom and stay at your parents. she broke your trust. If you know her parents, contact them too, and let them know about the situation and how their daughter needs them more than ever, because you can't be there for her anymore. This will be a wild emotional ride.
Info: what do you see as your relationship with your wife once the children are out of the house?
I'm asking because my husband and I have been madly in love with each other, and my adult children see him as a second father figure since they lost their father to cancer when they were very young. On the other hand, his adult daughter… I don't know, at this point in life basically tolerates me. She's friendly but I don't see her coming to my aid if I need anything. Conversely, I don't think my husband would expect me to pay for anything major for her.
I wouldn't consider leaving him based on her treatment of me as an adult child, but if you don't feel that way about your wife then you need to really do this soul searching.
Make sure it's vagina friendly some have too much sugar in them. But there are lots of flavored lubes that work well and are vagina friendly.
He CHEATED on you. The relationship isn’t as good as you think it is.
So? You just described a person who would absolutely not support you if the situation was reversed, and the reason she doesn’t have more of a support network is because she’s rude and selfish.
While I applaud your desire to be a good person, it sounds like your efforts won’t be appreciated anyway.
I've noticed that most men with big dicks feel like they don't have to do anything except penetrate, and even then they often just don't know how to work it. Men with smaller dicks put in extra effort to please their partner. I dated a man with a dick the size of my index finger, both in girth & length. He'd basically slide his body up and down, rubbing my clitoris with every stroke and it was amazing, I came every time. On the flip side, another ex was very well-endowed and I had the most trouble reaching orgasm with him.
Either he was cheating using that phone or he had child porn on it, nothing else should get such a strong reaction unless something we don't know is going on between you 2 like physical abuse, but assuming everything is normal between you 2, you should definitely be thinking about leaving after that cause it's not going to be even slightly ok, think about it like this, he was so scared of you finding whatever it was out that he would rather destroy it in front of you than get caught red handed so he can at least argue that you have no proof and make you feel like the bad guy for pressing too nude
You have no rights to his phone. That's his property and his privacy.
He thought it was OK to cheat on his last girlfriend with you. Why do you think he would change?
Once a cheater, always a cheater
Move on. Do you want to be raising a baby & an overgrown man baby?
Raising an actual child is much more rewarding & a hell of a lot easier than raising a man baby. Trust me on this one.
He probably realized you're too good for him and is trying to fuck with your head so you feel bad enough about yourself you will stay with him. Speaking from experience.
He's being so mean to you and you don't need to put up with “jokes” about a traumatic event in your life or “jokes” that are intended to make you insecure in your relationship.
People love to jump to saying break up, but in this case you honestly should. Doesn't sound like it'll get better, likely will get worse
This
Yup, that's the one. Looks like a slightly misquoted but according to that 20-23 is what men are most attracted to. Would be interesting to see of a visual study would also prove the same. It would also be interesting to see if men would chose lower ages if they knew they weren't being recorded. Would be really interesting see the confidence interval of the rankings. If 20 is the average I think it would be safe to say that we would see 18,19, 21, and 22 values
Marriage exists for a reason. This is one.
Dude. Run! OMG seriously? You know better why are you letting her railroad you? You could lose half of both of those properties. For no good reason. You know you need to run. I see it all over your own statements.
he's in the middle of heartbreak, give it time. then see if he's still thinking that.
Toys And send him videos of.you using it
You’re caught between a rock and a nude place. Forgiving him enables him to do it again by allowing him to get away with the act and really poor reaction. Dumping him ends it and you’ve lost the man you love. For me it comes down to the idea that that man is no longer deserving of your love. He blew it. You have only one choice; make room for the next guy who deserves you. For context, I’m a guy. I was married around when you were born, and I’ve never cheated. I have way too much to lose.
Your friend sounds like an AH who is raining on your joy. Don't let her! It sounds like you met a great guy. Your friend's criticisms are all superficial, when what SHOULD matter to a person who loves you is how well does this man treat you and does he make you happy. Your friend does not seem like a person who wants to see you happy.
Thank you! I thoroughly enjoyed everything you wrote here as I am crying my eyes out you made me chuckle. I really do need to do just what you said and I’m going to try to gain the courage to do so! I’m so tired of being treated in this manner and then on top of that, he has the nerve to get upset with me ??? Thank you again for helping me see things more clearly!
More context is probably not necessary but id like to add that he started his career last summer and has been very stressed adjusting to “adulting” as I did too a year prior. I also have a close friend who has lived with her fiancé for years and she sometimes has similar-ish issues about men just being dumb. This leads me to think my standards are way too high. I’m afraid to give up my best friend for the small possibility that some other guy will have everything that I want. No one is perfect, am I being selfish/ self sabotaging?
You are not a professionally trained therapist. This is beyond your skill level. You can be a friend, but currently, she needs help.
Fuck you sound like selfish person.
He deserves better, you should break it off so he can go find someone else.
Lol she has left you once to fuck with someone else, and then get back with you. This is a joke not a relationship.
Cut contact with her and move on. Your relationship was undamentally broken and has no future.
waiting for you to be explicit? does he have telepathy? is he supposed to know your intent already? how? HOW?
and how did you make it to 31 without learning to communicate like an adult? want something? ask for it! stop playing games!
She hasn't worked in two years?
Forget the nofap porn bs, do you really want to date a bum who lies to you?
What's gonna happen if you get laid off? Gonna depend on her, uh, money you gave to her when you had a job? You think someone who hasn't worked for two years in going to be willing to support jobless you?
If you want someone who your boyfriend isn’t, then it’s time to find someone else. Imagine him asking you to be a little less political. You probably wouldn’t like that. It’s not fair to ask/expect him to change who he is to please you. You need to go find the person who’s right for you. What does a stimulating conversation even look like to you? Someone who disagrees with everything so you can debate? Someone who goes along with everything so that you can feel right. Or someone with their own opinions that you may or may not agree with.
She sounds like a classic monkey brancher. Dump her, and don't look back.
Yes she's desperately passive aggressive. Forget her
I never assumed I was the biggest. It was a combination of having it confirmed and knowing she prefers that which had me thinking like that
No, you shouldn’t say anything, because it’s none of your business.
How much does it hurt you to remain friends with him?
Can you stand by and watch him date other girls?
Can you watch him fall in love with someone else?
Be selfish here, since he clearly is, thinking he can keep you as a friend and date others.
No not wait. Demand. Or you communicate or we are done. Or you learn to talk to me or I move on to a person that can communicate their problems and their concerns with me!!! I am not a magician, I can't guess what is the problem so you have to talk and then I can help and solve it!!! Simple!
This is so crazy
Yes, it is in the US, even in some states that aren’t your typical conservative hellscape for bodily autonomy. And my point isn’t what OP would do if asked for consent for his estranged wife’s procedure, it’s that there are good reasons other than relationship insecurity that make a vasectomy a better choice than a tubal ligation for hetero couples that want sterilization. Medically, it’s a less invasive procedure with an easier recovery. Legally (again, depending on where they online), she may have to go through the infuriating process of getting her estranged husband’s permission for the procedure – and even then the doctor could still say no on the grounds that they might reconcile and change their minds. As far as I know, these roadblocks don’t apply to vasectomy.
Right, because racism is exactly that simple. /s
I am a woman and I would quite literally NEVER react to my man crying that way. She’s nasty for that, sorry.
I think they've incorrectly concluded that it's actually misogyny because it's a “feminine” trait to show emotion.
The edit made my blood boil claiming his wife is an adult woman being already 18. Truly a disgusting man!
Did you say she's 18? Or 8?
Run, don't walk, OP. You (or anyone) can do better.
What do you want to do? Forbid her from getting dinner with him? Come on!
Agreed, nothing says 'groomed her into it' more to me than “she was skeptical at the beginning”.
What’s rule 3
So you only started to feel guilty when she “started taking more pride in her appearance”? Way to go bud. You’re just the father and husband of the year huh?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Most people figure it out by then.
Misery loves company, don't allow him to drag you down with him.
Don't respond AT ALL. Don't give him anything to use against you. Just keep blocking him
This is exactly what counselling is for: a safe space to be really vulnerable and honest with each other. It's great that he's engaging with the process, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy for either of you.
Allow yourself to have your reaction and feel whatever comes up, then take that to the next session to build on.
You are absolutely tripping. Stop making your girlfriend’s awkward situation about you. She’s between a rock, a hard place, and you.
It kinda amazes me how quick the higher principal scales. I’m at the 66k a year range with 150k in debt at 8% and I’m managing fine with a 1k a month payment for 25 years. But 250k at 11%? That’s likely more than double the price I’m currently paying under the same salary. 1 whole paycheck towards the loan on what I’m getting now.
Something is off. Trust your gut.
If he has a deviated septum it can cause the middle bridge to bleed easily, it's happened to me since childhood. An easy way to tell is to look at him straight on and have him tilt his head back, nostrils will appear very asymmetrical
Ah ok, so crying invalidates her of any consequences on her actions. Got it !
Oh, what rules do you have in place?
No, that is not at all what was advocated for. The first part was an account of what another person did that got the guy to stop harassing her. The “extortion” is a hyperbole to get the point across.
Not only do I not sleep with men I work with or my direct report, I don't like harassment either.
The bet is over. Every one of you lost.
Like what was said before, HR is not your friend. They are there to protect the company.
I’m Christian, and religious. My girlfriend is Jewish, and not religious.
We have agreed to raise our children with the cultures and traditions of both religions and people.
Any other way won’t work.
Dear god man. Grow a pair .
Leave this woman.
If this is not a nude line for you, then good luck with being walked all over for the rest of your life.
I honestly don't know what you are looking for from this post.
Is this something you both agreed you wouldn't do?
Try to keep in mind that viewing porn doesn't have any reflection on what he thinks of you. If he were married to someone else and you were in porn, he'd be watching you. If you noticed an attractive man at the grocery store would it mean you suddenly think less of your husband?
If you have an agreement on porn and hes sneaking around I would discuss it right away. If there was never discussion about it, it sounds like it's time.
Shoot your shot bro. Don’t on-line the rest of your life having not tried
WHAT on EARTH are you mooching around here?
“Worried it would cost you your relationship with Amanda”.
WHAT frigging relationship?
If there had been ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP, Amanda wouldn't have staged her wedding before delivery OF HER NEW SISTER…
…PUTTING YOU INTO A CONFLICT!
Boy, are you dense!
I won't say you're a fucking idiot, but I will say your flatmate is very smart.
I grew up in a house full of yelling and I am severely damaged by that.the sooner you can get your kids away from this environment the better. Please for their sake stop making excuses. No one said it was going to be easy but they are worth protecting.
My point is that you are too old to be dealing with something so childish. You should be old enough to know by now that by choosing to stay with him you are choosing to stay with his baggage, aka his parents. I dont know why you think you can change that or why you feel you should. There's a very good chance if you stay they will consistently be in his life. By extention your life.
So If it's not something you want to put up with, you know where the door is, and so did the 2 other people he was with before.
couples therapy and if you feel the session is one sided, find a different one. Not all therapists are created equal.
Short of divorce, this is your only option for him to learn
There are so many alternatives it's baffling you'd think this is relationship ending. I wouldn't have a child with a woman who would break up over a medical issue you couldn't control lol.
When you were separated, did he see someone else? Is that why he wished you would have hooked up with someone during that time, “so he wouldn't feel so guilty” ? That right there is indicative of an affair, whether past or present. Suddenly sending you a list of all your failings as a wife is VERY sus… as if he is comparing you to someone else. Just a heads up… people often do this on purpose to upset someone. If he upsets you more, the more likely you'll agree to a divorce/the easier it will be to justify leaving his role as your husband. He's clearly making you uncomfortable by pressuring you into watching porn/sharing your favorites with him, but if you don't enjoy that – the fact that your obvious discomfort is turning HIM on is worrisome. And take it from someone who worked a TERRIBLE job (actually, multiple terrible jobs) JUST for the money (and not for the experience/field) – you're gonna have a bad time. Life's too short to languish in order to make someone else “happy,” which he already said he's not. So it quite literally is not worth it for you to continue on this path.
With love,
A therapist
That is a major possibility. I'm going to have to talk this out with her, hopefully today.
Hi OP,
I am a single father to a 6 year old (majority of parenting time 4-5 days a week normally), and my partner never wanted children and will not ever have any of her own.
I already had my daughter when my partner and I started dating, and I made it clear that while I would never expect her to be responsible for watching or caring for my daughter, that she would still have to deal with me being responsible for her. It has worked out very well for us, mainly because she is extremely understanding that my daughter has to be my priority, and I hold true to not asking her to be a parent to my daughter.
​
If you decide to do this, you need to have everything worked out, and planned out for childcare and knowing how to completely care for your daughter without your wife's help, especially considering that she may 100% leave you over this.
You really need to consider whether or not you could actually support a child right now, a 6 year old is old enough to understand that you're a complete stranger to her, and because of the fact that it sounds like she may have had an unstable living situation as a child she may act out a lot for a while.
You'll also have to work at making sure your space is childproofed, and you'll have to clean a lot more than you currently do right now, also a 6 year old may require separate meals depending on what your diet currently consists of, their taste buds are more sensitive to bitter, and savory flavors.
Also, you don't mention your income, a 6 year old is likely in school, so if you work a regular hours you may only have to pay for an afterschool program, but that can still be $40-$100 per day.
You’re only 25. It seems like you hate each other. I’m 25 too and been with my partner for 7 years and we would never talk to each other this way. Do you really want this for the rest of your life.
I don't think I'd be able to trust him again no matter what his side of the story is. He's going to make himself out to be a victim and try to manipulate you “she tried to seduce me!” “it's not my fault! She took it wrong!” “I can't believe you'd believe her over me!” “If you loved me you would just trust me!”
This was exhausting just to read.
Why don’t you want to divorce him? He sounds like a sack of misogynistic crap to me. I’m sorry that you have a kid with him but that doesn’t mean you should be forced to stay with him.
He probably isn't taking you seriously because he doesn't think its a problem. He doesn't see what he's doing as bad. If he hides it, you can't get upset about it. Even if you KNOW he's drunk, or tipsy, or whatever. The logic of an alcoholic is extremely flawed.
One of the alcoholics I knew would hide the cans all over their basement. Behind the stairs. Underneath random pieces of paper in the trashcan. In a cupboard. When confronted they would insist they weren't drinking. They would insist they didn't have a problem, because they'd cut back to just one or two a night. (It wasn't just one or two).
Point being, if he has to hide it to the point where it almost feels like gaslighting, he has a problem. You know he's drinking. You know he took that bottle your friend left, finished it (probably in the dead of night or when you weren't home), and stuck it back in a random cupboard like you wouldn't find it and possibly think you were a little insane because no, thats not where you left it and no, it wasn't empty when you left it.
I am telling you right now this is a bigger problem than you're making it out to seem. It isn't just heavy drinking. He is actively deceiving you because he would rather drink than actually cut back. And he would rather drink so much that instead of listening when you, his partner, brings up a concern, he thinks the better way of handling it is to continue to hide it, possibly try to gaslight you and say he's not hiding it when you KNOW FOR A FACT he is (dont let him spin him hiding that bottle in a separate cupboard as anything other than hiding it from you), and continue to rely so heavily on it that he'd rather lie to his partner than go a week without it.
Hon, you’re 22. You have not “been through everything”. In fact, you have very little life experience, which is something he’s exploiting.
So you want to get divorced for your 30th birthday? She thinks it’s going to play out one way but the reality will be very different. She will see your reactions to her friend and wonder why you don’t do that with her. She’ll think you liked having sex with her friend more if you don’t act the exact same with her. You are playing with fire and it’s going to burn down your world.
Knock her the fuck out for love. ??
She has many positive qualities and despite all, I love her very much
It sucks to get sick at your dates place ( let’s face it everyone gets stomach flu sometimes). He is now completely humiliated. I feel only pity for him at the moment.
Hmm. If it's based only on that text, I would say no he's not stringing you along, he's an adult who got tired and didn't end up getting together with you? That seems pretty innocuous.
If you are going to be living together I don't know why he needs to buy his own apartment now? It doesn't make sense. It kinda tells me he's afraid of fully committing and needs an easy out. Same with the stretched timeline. Even if you agree with his timeline there is nothing to say he won't try to extend it again…
noice
She's not your problem. Focus on getting out of the abusive relationship and move on with your life.
He's probably been this way all along, but is starting to show his true colors now that he feels you're more attached to him. It's super common for abusers and manipulators and narcissists to be on their best behavior for a time before they start pushing boundaries. It can take months or even years.
If he left so easily over children's names then you didnt lose much.
NTA. It's a situationship not a relationship. It's ok to ghost this one.
She hasn’t, because I don’t think her partners before me knew the full extent. I’ll update when it happens.
But why the hell would she casually tell me about it like it's not a big deal?
Yeah, funny thing about abuse, especially childhood abuse, is that it starts to feel pretty damn normal after a while.. since it's all you know, especially for a kid.
I discovered a lot of things in my own childhood weren't normal when I told people jokingly and no one laughed.
Dude, I don't know. I don't know him or you or the machinations of your semi-relationship.
I'm guessing he texts everyday to keep up the connection. That was my point. He keeps in touch so when he wants to fuck you don't reply with, “Oh you never text or email or see me but I hear from you when you want to fuck?”
Then again maybe a random text every few weeks whenever he wants sex would be okay with you. I don't know.
If you don't like what you are getting, ask for what you want. If you don't get what you want after you ask for it, end it.
Doubtful she wants a break out of nowhere. This has likely been weighing on her mind for a while and it’s only just now boiled over. What even is closure to you? Her telling you why? She might not have a simple answer. Three years or not, closure isn’t guaranteed. Break ups suck either way, dude. You’re coping. Which is normal by the way. You’re so desperately trying to find a reason that you aren’t even taking a moment to actually reflect on your relationship. What will help you isn’t closure from her, it’s looking into yourself and getting a handle on your own thoughts, not hers.
Yes, you fucked up. And yes, you are overreacting.
Advice? You tell her, so she can decide, if she wants to be with someone, who doesn’t respect her privacy. Meanwhile you can decide, if you want to be with someone, who you obviously don’t trust.
He has given the numbers in his post, groceries are 700, phone and internet is 200, she is paying 250 more for groceries while probably using no more than 25 percent of them. So she is actually paying around 400 more.
You're absolutely right. Friends/family should never try to replace a therapist because it's a conflict of interest (although I'm sure he is just trying to be helpful). Therapy was very helpful for me at different points in my life and I hope it can help you, too.
You said it yourself – this is not the first time. It will not be the last. Does he only do this when he’s drinking? Or does he also disrespect you while he’s sober?
So what do you do for her out of live and respect?
You know that should go both ways, right?
How can you stay up til 1am but claim your full time work schedule doesn’t allow you to do the dishes or tidy the house?
Get real bud.
Yes, when she was served at Comic-con! He says he didn’t mean for it to happen there, but who knows??
A very good point.
If you don’t want it you owe him nothing. Him disrespecting you and doing it anyways is a problem. Idc if you said you’ve been together 10 years. If you don’t want it, it doesn’t happen. Period. Go through his photos and get rid of them. God forbid he posts them on one of those porn sites. Or tell him to take them on YOUR PHONE. So at the end of the day you have your privacy. If y’all break up, you’ll thank me.
This and the sending nudes? Is that what you are wanting in a partner?
How long did you date before marriage?
I had a 3 day rule, if I didn't hear from him I moved on. Had a guy call me and told him and he said he didn't want to look desperate and my reply was “you only looked uninterested so now I am” I don't think he did that again. He tried to convince me to go out with him but I had another date lined up who wasn't playing stupid juvenile games.
due to Roger being in my life for 4 years now, everyone just assumes I want him to walk be down the aisle
This is ridiculous. How anyone could think that when the dude disappeared from your life for well over a decade is beyond me.
my grandma from Roger's side, who was there for me a large part of my life, is insisting that Roger walk me down the aisle
Too bad. It is your wedding. Do what you want.
Just rip the bandage off. Sit roger down, and in as few words as possible tell him that you want your father to walk you down the aisle. You don't need to “tell her and the entire side of the family”. Let the chips fall where they may.
Actually knows some people are just like that they line up their relationships like dominoes so by the time that the ready to leave one they’ve got another back up. I will get as far away from him as you can, and I would never take him back, no matter what because you’re setting yourself up for repeats of this if you do.
Say no.
This isn't an overnight thing. It took a.long time to get here. They're flagrantly irresponsible. And now they want their 24 year old daughter to pay the price.
Absolutely not.
so you keep copying and pasting the same thing over and over thinking it will get a different result then?
Stop having sex with this personat all. Stop being around this person at all. Yeesh.
half an hour? That is not sleepover worthy. Kind of sounds like you're looking for a reason to leave anyway.
It's ok to end a relationship. If you're unhappy, just do it. You don't need proof of anything. Just part ways and get a custody agreement.
Not to pile on but yeah that’s bad shit. I was the child of parents who did this to each other and it was pathetic watching it. It sets a horrific example for the kids to see their guardians who “love” eachother do that. I’m lucky I learned what not to do by watching them but not everyone else will know that.
If you have the means, leave this clown. The silent treatment is a form of abuse even if it doesn’t feel like it because it’s not physical i.e hitting, or sexual, it’s still abuse. He’s essentially expecting you to clean up after him, still do things for him, eat the food you make and go on like things are normal while you get to sit there and figure out if you’ve done something wrong and just what that something is. And get this, when and if you ever do figure it out (because it may be something so small and insignificant) you’re probably gonna be wrong because it’s something else. He’s an adult and he’s acting like a petulant child and you are the unfortunate target of his bullshit. Like I said, if you have the means, leave him. You’re worthy of more than this guy is willing to give and he has decided you’re not worthy of the breath out of his mouth which is bullshit.
Honeslty dawg, I'm a lot more confused about people's response to my post than I am about my actual situation at this point. You are completely on point with what you said. I still don't agree that it was sexual assault or anything to that degree, although I can see how it could be viewed that way to some. However you are right in saying it was difficult for me to process it right away. I was genuinely unsure of how I felt about it up until recently now that I've talked with him. I posted this pretty soon after it had happened simply wanting some clarification and other opinions. Initially, I was very confused and shocked and felt uncomfortable with what had happened. The fact of the matter is I did not consent to what happened to me. He didn't do anything purposefully and he thought I had consented so I am not holding any anger towards him about it, it was a miscommunication. However, i still did not consent and that makes a person feel a certain type of way regardless of the situation. I feel a lot better now. Ive talked to him, he understood and even told me he had been thinking about it too. We were both baked and he said he just wasn't sure how to bring it up. We had a conversation about plan of action in the case I need a plan b or an abortion at any time and we also established a safe word for the future. I feel a lot better now but still am bummed about it happening. Idk why people are jumping at you for simply suggesting I take my time and look at the situation from all angles. That's exactly what I was trying to do. I did not want to brush off sexual assault that easily because I know a LOT of people do that because they don't think what happened to them counts or they haven't processed it properly etc. I didn't want that to be me, I didn't want to continue seeing someone who possibly hurt me and wanted to make sure of these things completely. Thank you for understanding that and not being an asshole
You break up and move on. She’s nothing but a bully don’t ever think you deserve to be treated like this. Know your worth.
Yeah, they've been together 8 months, at their age I wouldn't even consider it a long term relationship, definitely not at an “our money” point. And yeah, cheap is like stealing condiments from tables at restaurants or toilet paper from work, not saving for goals.
Here’s the other side of the coin, fwiw, noting I don’t necessarily disagree with others, but for balance..
You’re actually, barring libido diffs not all that far apart. What you lack is acceptance (of each other). No two people are perfectly matched, and even if so, they drift and change over time. Adaptability, effective communication, and p, critically acceptance, are the key. You both need some modest professional guidance, should you wish to stay and try a bit more first
58M married 31 years
On the money.
Its great OP doesn't care, but there are consequences that aren't the videos themselves that should be addressed. Namely, the social/career related consequences.
That, and her willingness to let you face those consequences blind sort of say she will prioritize her well being over honesty if put in a difficult situation.
Hopefully, this is the only circumstance that this is true, but you should hammer this out now. She can't marry you if she's not looking out for the team or putting herself first.
She’s and idiot, friendship may have run its course. Support her with a baby shower and some diapers while you online your child free young life
Because he’s playing mind games with you, breaking you down and making you doubt your worth. Please leave him. He’s abusive & manipulative
The telling her and bringing everything out into the open is the best thing to do. Make sure you have all information about her past and you can build a brite future.
Op he likes fake on women he sees no future. Like porn stars or models. He’s fine with this since he has ZERO emotional attachment to them.
He likes natural on women he does emotionally invest in. And because if this, it’s a psychological hang up he has around breasts.
Which means he thinks because you hid this from him, you aren’t as real and honest as he thought. Like he can’t take you as seriously like those porn stars or models.
Hence why he’s not okay with this.
And it’s not your burden, that’s his.
He’s the one who probably needs therapy to find out why he hates it so much.
But to each their own as well in preference.
Which means you could end things now, move on, go find a guy who doesn’t give two sh-ts about it.
Huh. Can’t imagine why you two broke up.
First – no, whether or not she has an epidural isn’t a joint decision, especially since you’re the ex. I’m not sure why you got mad about something that was not at all your problem.
Then there’s the labor. You knew your gf was in the labor timeframe. Yeah, she’d had a lot of false alarms. She’s 20 & scared. Go figure. She called you & told you she was headed to the hospital. You told her to find someone else to take her bc you were tired & didn’t FEEL like it. Ok. That’s your decision. Then you told her to call you if it was really labor. THEN you went home & went to sleep & did something to your phone that ensured it wouldn’t wake you.
So she went into labor. When you finally woke up, you had a dozen missed calls bc you missed the birth of your child. Because you didn’t feel like going to the hospital again.
Are you really wondering if you’re the AH here?
Are you really wondering why everyone is pissed at you? Your best response was that your EX ruined YOUR special day?
Geez, dude. You give selfish a whole new meaning. Where do you go from here? Well, first, stop defending yourself. You made a series of selfish decisions that didn’t work out for you. No, you didn’t do it on purpose, but any reasonable person would have known that this was the likely outcome of not going to the hospital when she thought she was in labor.
You apologize. And then you apologize some more. When you apologize, never use the word “but.” Take 100% responsibility for failing to show up despite promising to be there.
Yeah, this is what happens when one person agrees to have a kid because their partner wants one, not because they do. He didn't want to have kids right now and he should have had enough backbone to tell you that he still wasn't ready. And you pressured him because you didn't want to be “an old mom.”
Unless both people are an enthusiastic “yes” for having a child, it should be a no.
That's actually very similar to a situation I had with my bf. I was posting pics on r/selfie. I wasn't interested in meeting anyone or anything. I just liked being told I looked young and attractive. I was very upfront about everything with my BF, but he felt like he wasn't giving me enough attention or compliments, and that he was doing something wrong. I reassured him that that wasn't the case. Our resolution was that I just wouldn't post selfies cuz I really didn't need the ego boost, I was just bored. But for your GF, as long as she's not crossing any boundaries you have in the relationship, then she's not actually doing anything “wrong”. But definitely have a conversation to let her know why it bothers you and what you'd realistically like to happen moving forward
Start sending her pics of your meals with, yum and sooo good.
You can also tell her that you are on your own journey and not doing what she is but wish her luck.
This is your journey and need to cut out the outside sounds if they bother you!!
Good luck!! Remember to fuel your body and not deprive it!
He’s moving into her mothers house with her. I shouldve been more specific but they had offered me to come with them when they move to another state
May i ask what emotional part hes giving that was indicated in the post? Thanks!
Every month? Like forever? Fair enough, I did ask the question and if you enjoy that then great.
I'd suggest talking to the police and have them on standby or to wait outside because if he attacks you and your friends it might end up with him accusing you 9f ganging up on him and attacking etc.
Wham wham wham (if you're in rural area) and a family counselor (if in city)
I've talked with a therapist for a while now, and I can easily say, I have changed. I was like that most of my life, playing games with her, doing all this stuff. But just this last half year/year, I have changed, and I don't like who I had become. Things are really better now. I promise.
OP is a man so I hope his partner is at least gay!