100% talk to her, be kind and not accusatory at all, find out when this started, when did he start grooming her for this? How long has it been going on? Don’t be angry at all, be calm and understanding.
Maybe get a therapist for her? Something like this could be really painful for her to look back on later in life if she doesn’t have the tools to deal with it. You could even get a family therapist for the both of you if you are really worried about talking to her.
Good luck, this is a really tough situation. definitely don’t sweep it under the rug, don’t treat it like a dirty secret, and don’t see it as a thing to keep secret.
I went through a similar situation too – flash drive full of videos of other women and me, even one he took from his security camera so she had no idea. He deleted them in front of me, and then I discovered months later he had actually saved copies of them and lied to my face. I stupidly stayed for another year trying to fix the trust but yeah… the disgust just wouldn't go away. The feeling of being another object/possession never went away. It's not worth trying to make a life with someone like this.
This is totally normal! Sometimes you just need reassurance. We all need different things to feel secure, and the only way to make sure your partner is getting what they need is to talk about it honestly
You said everything is good, so it sounds like he would happily humor you if you asked him to do the love languages test. I know it’s got issues, but it’s a GREAT way to open dialogue about how you show love to each other and how you like to be shown love.
I mentioned it to him over text and he didn’t really say anything. He kind of denied it saying that it probably wasn’t the same app that I saw. Then I said it was for big people and he said no it sounds like I’ve been searching it up. So idk if he was trying to deny it or not but I ended up just saying that I wasn’t bothered and changed the subject.
If it’s an iPhone, you can click the three dots at the top left and see if the messages are in “show recently deleted”. Otherwise, I’m getting a bad gut feeling on this one op. Messages being deleted and you not even knowing about them having to share a room is big red flag. Honestly, seems like he cheated to me. :/
You tell her – “You know what Sweetie? This isn't a your side/my side wedding. This is who do WE want at OUR wedding. Let's do this together.”
After 2 years of marriage she must have met your friends so they are both of your friends. Your family is her family.
Just an idea.
“I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Yes you do.
100% talk to her, be kind and not accusatory at all, find out when this started, when did he start grooming her for this? How long has it been going on? Don’t be angry at all, be calm and understanding.
Maybe get a therapist for her? Something like this could be really painful for her to look back on later in life if she doesn’t have the tools to deal with it. You could even get a family therapist for the both of you if you are really worried about talking to her.
Good luck, this is a really tough situation. definitely don’t sweep it under the rug, don’t treat it like a dirty secret, and don’t see it as a thing to keep secret.
You're welcome!
I went through a similar situation too – flash drive full of videos of other women and me, even one he took from his security camera so she had no idea. He deleted them in front of me, and then I discovered months later he had actually saved copies of them and lied to my face. I stupidly stayed for another year trying to fix the trust but yeah… the disgust just wouldn't go away. The feeling of being another object/possession never went away. It's not worth trying to make a life with someone like this.
This is totally normal! Sometimes you just need reassurance. We all need different things to feel secure, and the only way to make sure your partner is getting what they need is to talk about it honestly
You said everything is good, so it sounds like he would happily humor you if you asked him to do the love languages test. I know it’s got issues, but it’s a GREAT way to open dialogue about how you show love to each other and how you like to be shown love.
LOL you almost sound like the wife found the post
I was thinking 19-20. But 40? Sheesh.
I mentioned it to him over text and he didn’t really say anything. He kind of denied it saying that it probably wasn’t the same app that I saw. Then I said it was for big people and he said no it sounds like I’ve been searching it up. So idk if he was trying to deny it or not but I ended up just saying that I wasn’t bothered and changed the subject.
Right? Like this mega corp gives two flying shits about their employees. I say claw every dollar you can from them and don't work a penny harder.
If it’s an iPhone, you can click the three dots at the top left and see if the messages are in “show recently deleted”. Otherwise, I’m getting a bad gut feeling on this one op. Messages being deleted and you not even knowing about them having to share a room is big red flag. Honestly, seems like he cheated to me. :/