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She probably just made the decision to do whatever she wants while keeping it a secret.
You need to bite this bullet nude. It is not easy to break up but you two are not compatible.
That's a “them” problem not a “you” problem.
Most of the comments are telling you to talk to her and explain it to her like you've done here. And you keep saying you shouldn't have to. Does your therapist agree with this? Do you understand how trauma changes behavior and personality? Have you truly healed if you can't even be vulnerable with someone you're in a relationship with? From past experience, I can tell you that pushing the trauma down and thinking that therapy was a one and done thing made healing much harder.
If after all this advice, you still don't want to try vulnerability and communication, then break up with her and let the woman be free
Me too. This is to much it's hot enough dealing with one person in a relationship versus dealing with two others. This definitely almost like a boundary issue. Kind of like what you expect ya friend to act after you get Prego. I seen this in these poly relationship dynamics many times. It's more stress than ita worth and a lot of times it can't be worked out. Lot of Resentments. All can say is good luck to her.
I’m pretty sure birth control pills need to be taken daily at around the same time, so it was likely just a coincidence that you happened to be there when she took it.
As far as everything else, honestly, that sounds amazing. Those would all be bright green flags for me, but if it’s something that bothers you, maybe you want to rethink another date. My girlfriend and I have texted basically every day since our first date a year ago and that was one of the things that really got me interested from the start. Based on the limited info, she sounds perfect to me, but everyone has their preferences. If that’s an issue for you, don’t expect it to change. You’re best moving on and finding someone who is more distant / independent to your taste.
Fingers crossed you’re right
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Slow and steady is how I would play this. No need to rush.
It sounds like you loved your wife very much and I can't even imagine how devastated I would feel if my wife passed so suddenly and unexpectedly.
I recently started diving into exploring near death experiences. The stories are all so uplifting and have had a very positive impact on my personal life. The messages are good to hear. I don't know what your faith beliefs are but belief is very important for life. I used to be so cynical and never believed in any religious things. I still don't really follow any religion but I believe things that “materialists” think are golbedygook.
It is essential to have a positive outlook, your mental state completely dictates your life. I would go so far as to say that if you believe something, there is nothing in this material world to prevent its outcome. The placebo effect is a real thing!
Anyways I want you to know things won't really get better, as far as missing your wife goes. That hole will always be there. You can try to fill it with things and people but the loss will never go away. You can change you perspective though.
I am hoping you read this and take something away from it.
Here is one message from someone who went to the other side: “You are loved and cherished. You have nothing to fear. There is nothing you can do wrong.”
PM me if you want to talk or whatever. Love you.
It’s possible that I’m not suited to monogamy, but in the past I’ve become emotionally attached when hooking up ?♂️. Perhaps I am just polygamous?
don’t dip the pen in company ink / don’t shit where you eat. in my opinion. never a good idea in the long run
I'm going to stop you right there. He's happy when you're at home or at work because he knows where you are. He doesn't like it when he doesn't know exactly where you are and exactly what you're doing because then he can't control you. He can't keep tabs on you. Pretty soon he's going to start complaining about you spending any time with your friends or family and you're going to stop doing so just to avoid an argument. He'll have gotten exactly what he wanted, to isolate you.
Pretty soon he's going to start complaining about you even needing to go to work. He's going to do this because he knows that without money, it's going to be harder for you to leave. Same thing if he isolates you from everyone except himself. He knows that you won't have a support network and it will make it harder to leave. Also, he won't have any witnesses for how he's treating you.
He knows exactly what he's doing and he's doing it on purpose. I don't care how many times he says he's going to change, he won't. It's just empty promises to keep you in the marriage. You can't love him enough to make him change. Abusers don't change. It's nothing you're doing wrong, you didn't cause it and it's not your fault. He's going to try to make you think that how he's treating you is your fault but I promise you it's not. You'll hear things like well if you hadn't done X, I wouldn't have had to do Y.
Nothing you do is ever going to be good enough, he's not going to change. I made the mistake of thinking that if I just tried a little harder than he would treat me the way I deserved. I about killed myself trying to do it and he would have killed me if I hadn't left. He started out exactly like this and by the end, he tried to kill me. I ended up having to get a restraining order. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that you can try harder and he will treat you the way you deserve. It's not going to happen. You also can't love this out of him. Don't waste years of your life on this man.
Maybe when I was younger, but not often at all, no. This feels different because it’s not a celebrity, not even a famous porn star or anything. Just some random girl with a small account that he chose to follow and like her picture. She posts the closest thing to porn Instagram will allow. If it was Mia Khalifa or whoever is huge in the industry today I’d probably roll my eyes but keep it pushing. This is different.
In my experience, my most jealous, controlling boyfriends were also the boyfriends who cheated on me. It’s just a guess but he could have cleared his phone of anything questionable but forgot to clear his text history with his best friend.
Even if he’s not cheating/thinking about cheating, this isn’t healthy behavior and you know it. Don’t waste what can be fun, carefree years on someone who doesn’t deserve your time, trust, or respect
Back away and if you have to block them and delete them and ghost them from everything so be it. I would stay away and I wouldn't go anywhere they might be. Start living YOUR life for you not anyone else.
That dislike will slowly turn into hate. Better break up now. Loneliness can be scary for some, but it's better than settling in an unhappy situation
Or how many hobbies does she have to have?
They broke up bc she was no longer attracted to him and couldn’t feel that way about him again despite other things being good.
Why should he have to convince you? You’re not her keeper. He probably didn’t consider you at all because believe it or not he might have had a crush but that definitely doesn’t mean he was emotionally invested in you. If he was able to laugh and joke and be lighthearted about you turning him down then it’s not like he had deep feelings and was heartbroken. Pretty easy to move on from a simple crush.
Is going back home more important than your marriage?
If her husband divorces her over moving back when he previously agreed to, then the marriage wasn't really important to him anyway.
OP, it sounds like HIS career and happiness have has the spotlight for the last 10 years, and now he’s telling you he wants it that way forever. Maybe he has better reasons than are evident in the post, but that sounds really selfish…
I think you need to put this in perspective.
You two invited a discussion where, frankly, it went shallow and judgey.
You then started rating each other- instead of just assuming that what you were to your partner was more than adequate, never mind the number used.
You were told you are not perfect and are reeling from that because in your mind, if he loves you, he sees you as perfect.
That is not true. When you are love, you love despite the other person not being perfect.
Sure, he could have been more tactful and not been pedantically honest, but that is not a strong suit for many people.
As long as he isn't negging you- I would reaffirm that self esteem comes from within, and don't play rating or judging games where you turn it inward. These conversations rarely are productive and just highlight your insecurity.
Encourage him to tidy up or complete a goal? What is he, 5?
Thank you, this is insightful
Good point. I wonder if the sister also knew. Didn't OP say that she met his sister and brother before him?
He said it in his sleep after a week. First sleep over. I let it go and didn’t mention it until he said it for real a month later. I’m like ‘yeah I know, you told me on June 19th’
Fast movement I know. He is my soulmate and now my husband. 3 years together next month.