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He’s older and feels worn out now and babies are wonderful but they are exhausting.
Have a very serious discussion about how you feel about the situation. Stress that you want her to be open with you. Just make sure you don't put pressure on her or blame her. Tell her exactly how you're feeling currently. If she still tries to be defensive and gaslight you then you might want to hold off on that proposal for a little longer.
You are not crazy. This guy needs therapy to get over his frightening case of retroactive jealousy. He's got issues and moreover he is making them YOUR problem instead of fucking dealing with them himself.
My wife was my first and I was NOT hers and I literally do not care. She's a human and my partner, not a trophy or object or whatever. Were her previous partners better than me in bed or hotter than me or whatever? I don't know! Who cares! She chose me!
This is good advice. I'd only add feeling different feelings and not know what to think of them are pretty normal. I remember with my first kiss thinking up to it, how hot it would be but then the actual process of spit and things grossed me out for awhile. Now I just don't think about it, but that came with practice and things will likely change. There's also no pressure to like it too
I know you might not think you are lucky but you are. No kids, and you are still a young man barely hitting the prime of your life. You can put this all behind you with time and still have the best life. Itnjust won't be with this woman.
Have a conversation with him regarding the future of your child when it comes to his/her relationship with your MIL. Make it very clear that you wont allow a relationship with that bully at any cost.
I think transparency is important in a marriage (and relationship in general), especially around finances given that one partner's behavior can significantly impact their partner. But him demanding to review your bank statements is pretty aggressive. I could logically understand that being an option if you had proven to be completely financially irresponsible, didn't pay bills and were in debt. But you own a home, pay your bills, have no debt, and spend money on yourself after all that. You should be able to do that.
Let's add in the fact that you also contribute more, yet he's here concerned about you? He's decided you spend too much. That's obviously subjective. Maybe you do. Maybe it's completely within your means and you're fine financially and happy. If we're to assume it's the latter, then what will him having access to your bank statements change? He already thinks you spend too much. He just wants to be able to point things out.
To answer the question, you should go one of two routes; either say no, or insist on complete transparency between the both of you. That you need to “help him” says a lot more about him, so I'm not sure why he thinks he's in a position to question your finances. Good luck.
Ma'am, your personal conceptualization of relationship boundaries isn't the be all end all for everyone. You are not the high overlord who gets to decide for everyone what is or isn't “wrong.” Definitions of appropriate behavior for friendships vs romantic partners vary wildly by culture, region, family, social circle, and individual preference, and yours are not any more valid than anyone else's. Telling someone that they need “a lot of therapy” and shouldn't be in a relationship just because they disagree with you is arrogant as hell.
If you want to talk about how these two people seem to have incompatible ideas of what appropriate behavior looks like, that's probably valid. But then you also need to realize that when TWO people BOTH decide that they want to be in a relationship in spite of incompatibilities, then it is BOTH their jobs to compromise and find middle ground with the other person's point of view. It is not one person's job to roll over while the other continues to do exactly as they please, which is what you're suggesting OP do, while also telling her that there's something fundamentally wrong with her just because she has a different perspective than you.
Dude
Bruh, you should know everyone metabolizes pain and pain medicine differently. Women typically have a higher threshold for pain as well. Sounds like you two are living outside your means if you both work so much, you make so much money, yet are arguing over chores…hire some help.