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i used to be an “ironic racist” — like i thought it was ~ * ~ so edgy ~ * ~ for a white lady to say racial slurs?? idk?? even though in my heart i have alwayssss believed that all people, no matter their color, are equal and deserving of respect. my behavior was fucking gross, but it took me a long time to realize that, because i was insulated by my actually racist upbringing.
i dated two black people in my early 30’s, one an actual tenured professor of racial and ethnic studies. i realized i was asking each of them to teach me things that i should learn for myself, so i started taking africana studies courses at a local community college. i like to think that i’ve deepened my understanding of non-white experiences, and i am so grateful to my partners for having patience with me while i learned.
that said, growth takes time, and you are not obligated to hold someone’s hand while they learn to be less shitty! it’s absolutely a judgement call that you should make based on your own comfort levels.
is there anything that I can do help Dylan to not to see me as a threat to their relationship?
Go to the party and bring your fiancée, try to avoid inside jokes around Dylan, and foster a couples friendship where the four of you hang out together.
Doesn't sound to me like you're misreading things at all. In fact, it sounds like she's trying to give you every hint in the book. Green light, buddy.
I actually am, but that wasn't why I said what I said. I said it's not the same because we didn't at all have any sort of meaningful conversation.
You literally didn't try everything humanly possible.