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Does violence solve all your other problems?
I think the answer is very obvious here. You are not okay being with her at all
Just give her keys to whomever she's appointed as her cat guardian and be done with it. This is a person in crisis and there's not much more you can do. She'll either get her life together or she won't (and nothing you can do will impact that one way or the other).
I wouldn't use vapes because I think they're just as bad. I did use the gum, and it helped. Plus I quit in the winter, so I got to stay inside, minty fresh, and still get a hit. My doctor at the time said that one could conceivably use the gum for the rest of their life and it wouldn't be as bad as smoking. Personally I was done with everything in a couple of months.
What does he want you to do?
What do you want him to do?
What do you want to do?
The 3 basic questions.
You’ve stated the fears but not the desired goals.
With all the possible respect and tact: read the room. I know it’s really naked to digest but your crush is probably not into you as you are into him. I hope you find a safe space to heal and move on, truly (I’ve been in your shoes, this is the advice I would give my past self)
I don’t really know where to go from here
Yes you do. You've only been dating a few months and you've listed a bunch of reasons why this is a bad relationship. End the relationship.
Where are the parents when this is all happening?