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Kick him out. He’s cheating on you and trying to leech off you at the same time. I promise you can do better than a jobless man who can’t keep it in his pants.
If I were dating OP and found this out, no question I would break up with her. I’m not going to get in a committed relationship with someone who goes to their fuck buddy after our dates.
But I think you bring up a good point with the dating apps. If you’re looking for a committed relationship from tinder, then I guess this is what you have to expect.
I wrote a huge long reply but it was mostly bullshit so I’m shortening it! Basically there’s room for counselling to “fix” everything here. If it doesn’t though and either of you have doubts then get out and get out quick. Plastering over cracks and pretending they’re not there doesn’t do too the building eventually collapsing.
Speaking from experience, there is someone out there who doesn’t need counselling to work out how to love you how you need to be loved. There’s someone out there who can make your trust issues vanish as if they never existed. Your fiancé might become that guy after a gentle nudge from counselling but if he doesn’t you need to leave. It’s only fair on both of you as eventually this will break you anyway if not completely resolved.
Not only did she cheat by letting her friend see, she also cheated by letting the piercer see them! /s
I find it strange that at this level of closeness guy didn't pick any clue, never thought of at least possibility of romantic interest and took no precaution to drop gf on op. Sleeping in the same bed, brushing hair and still nothing? And how nude is it to notice this level of jealousy? Everyone else seems to catch on.
But then op has him for mother Teresa and Ghandy in one. I'm at a loss.
OP, you don't want help or advice. You want validation. This isn't the sub for that. You refuse to communicate with your gf but have a weird “I shouldn't have to keep it a secret” about the gifts you got your ex. It's wild. Your comments are wild. I think you are obsessed with your ex and should be single.
Thing is I have no contact of this dude don't even know the girl ?
I guess so. I don’t think I have any options but to leave. I had a serious talk about keeping the house clean yesterday and I guess if things don’t improve I’m just going to bite the bullet and go rent somewhere. It’ll ruin my chances of ever owning a house probably but that’s life. I’ll make it work
If you want a home and family, I would tell you to break up because you’re 28 so you have time, but it takes time to establish a relationship to make sure you even want to do that. It sounds like he’s unsure of you. I would tell him that you would like to break up and move on with your life because you’re interested in having a marriage and a family. And you respect his decision but that’s your decision. Sometimes these things work out. He may realize he misses you and he doesn’t wanna live without you and work it out with you. But if you sit there, you know where he’s at now. It becomes your fault too.
You: “Hey, the bird call is getting old”
makes bird noise
You: no response
I think couple therapy is the best way to go.
I’ve read many posts about husbands expecting intimacy after years of neglect/resentment in combination with kids. I’m not saying that’s the case here, but I think perhaps there is too much history going on with you being stand-off ish for a while and then kids.
Without knowing your history, I also wonder what was discussed in the 8 years of you not wanting to commit, thinking its a “trap” and how she’s reacting to you suddenly changing your mind and having 2 kids with someone who considered commitment a “trap”. Again, perhaps something to bring up in therapy.
And you gave it to him with the intention of breaking them up to have him for yourself. Good work. But now you have to live with the knowledge that your whole relationship is based on manipulation and dishonesty.
He is going to leave you, either for her or for someone else once he knows who you really are. Snooping on his phone, stalking his ex on IG, he's going to figure it out. I hope he does soon.