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A bit of backstory – They broke up 2 years ago, he had 20+ photos of her. After a month of us being official (we were dating for 6 months) I asked him why he still has the photos of her. He said “I had thought about deleting them because I wouldn’t like it if you had photos with your ex.” Annoyed me that he didn’t delete them by himself, and I had to ask. He deleted most of them, he kept 2 clear couple photos though and there’s still 4 group photos with friends. I brought it up again a week later, saying there’s still photos that are clearly couple pics. He deleted the one, the other one is them on a mountain where you can’t really see them but she’s tagged. Then there’s another one which is a bit blurry but is clearly them two and she’s also tagged. The group photos might be okay to keep, but there’s one where she’s taking the selfie of the group and it really stands out on his profile. I don’t know whether to bring those up again, because I’ve asked twice already and he kept some.
Regarding the pics of me. He posted a story of us for my birthday, which she unfollowed him after and removed him as a follower. I’m glad he posted the story, but it only lasts 24 hours and that was over a month ago. We went on holiday a few weeks ago and he hasn’t posted anything of the holiday. I asked him if he’s going to post anything, he said “I don’t really use it anymore.” He posted last in April so I can see he doesn’t much, but he posted every single holiday he went on with his ex. I don’t want to seem crazy if I bring up the ex pics, but it’s bothering me a lot lately.
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You have no right to keep this from her. Tell her immediately. This is her body, not yours.
Something similar happened to me some years ago during a new year's eve party. After everyone was already pretty drunk and tired we lied down on a heated floor in the kitchen. And people were just talking, I was pretty out of it so I was just lying down by myself. Some people clumped up lying on each other a bit closer. This girl came and lied down next to me, I didn't think much of it cause other people were doing it so I thought that was just cosy friendly talking while people were closer (not necessarily hugging). Then she proceeded to to put down her hands down my pants and trying to masturbate me and putting my hands under her shirt and bra on her boobs. I froze up, was super uncomfortable but couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. That proceeded to happen for idk how long and at some point O managed to stand up. All this time people were around us and either no one noticed or everyone ignored it. After the party I told my friend and organizers and they denied that ever happening, that they know her and she would never do such a thing, and apparently even some guys there accused me of me raping them despite me never even talking to them or getting even close to them. They never backed down on their claims and they all this time denied it and accused me of being rapist. I somehow stumbled on that girl like 6-8 months after, and she confessed to doing it and apologized but I never got any apology from people who didn't believe it and accusing me. Apology didn't do anything for me and to this day I'm haunted by this rape ( 1 of the 2 that happened to me) and I still struggle with it and can't get over it.
What he did was super wrong but even worse is how people don't believe you, how they make up excuses and justifications for what he did. Best you can do is take care of yourself, try to process what happened and try to cut yourself off from the people who either perpetrated it or justified it and didn't believe you. I'm really sorry it happened to you and I know how much that can affect you.
He literally blamed you for his cheating. What an a-hole.
Thank you for your help and encouragement, it means a ton. She mentioned to me that she is anxious-attachment (and just got diagnosed with BPD might I add), I am the complete opposite…very avoidant so I hate to say it but I'm desperate to kindly get this chick off my tail. The LAST thing I want is someone with a ton of emotional baggage to attach themselves to me and drag me down even further.
This is super nude because I see her like 60% of the time I hit up my gym (which is every day lol), so I'll keep you updated on anything that happens. I made it a promise to myself to keep it short next time and cut the convo off after a minute. Let's cross our fingers she gets the hint…
That’s true, do you think there are more important things that I should be there for and break in between events
You aren’t building a life with him. You are his caretaker. He does what he wants and you take care of him.
He took over your life and you need to take it back and follow your dreams! You can do it!
He should not have gone and should have told the ones counting on a ride the reason.