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I'm curious to hear your wife's perspective on the situation as well. Specifically on why she doesn't want you to do these things, or why doesn't she want to visit your family. I feel like this is a much more complicated issue that needs to be dug into, and not something a bunch of randos on Reddit are qualified to sus out ?.
You also kinda said it yourself. “I don't think I love my wife anymore…” if that's true then you only really have two (healthy) options.
1) Try to repair the damage together, like actually work together on fostering the love in the relationship again. And that doesn't mean fully sacrificing the things you're passionate about, that's not a solution and will only lead to more resentment.
2) Divorce. If you don't love her anymore then don't waste each other's time by being together longer.
I wonder what he thinks of women who don't shave their armpits.
Yeah like, why would he bring it up? Doing so rocks the boat. If he doesn't bring it up and OP doesn't bring it up, then it never gets talked about which benefits him. If he doesn't bring it up, but OP brings it up, he can go on about how she was mean/controlling or whatever and frame her as the bad person in this scenario. Him not mentioning it benefits him, why would he remove himself from the advantage?