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1. Swallowing this

   This would also work to prevent pregnancy though…

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2. -_-

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3. You definitely should follow up with him and answer his questions, the door is already opened.

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4. You think I'd stop being shocked at the amount of gross smelly unhygienic dudes out there …

   Don't let him make you feel like crap about yourself. You CAN do better.

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5. It won’t work, he won’t use it. This guy seems criminally lazy.

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6. Effort goes both ways. Did u try setting up a date and he keeps saying no?

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7. The thing is, those other 3 weddings? They already happened. Your wedding can’t change the past.

   And the tradition of gift giving at weddings in general? That’s a mountain, not a hill, and using your own wedding to “take a stand” against the entire institution of marital tradition— as though it will make a single drop of difference in summiting that mountain?— is like… idek…

   Is it possible you’re not as ok as you think you are with the big wedding, and this morality thing is just a safer way to say you’re scared/not ready?

   I personally agree, in terms of genuinely valuing people/time together above all else, and that expectation around gifts makes me profoundly uncomfortable (personally), and troubles my heart (for anyone I care about to feel as though I could possibly require some thing ‘more’ than… them, the “obligation on my behalf” part truly sucks!!)… but. This day isn’t just about you. Or even your wife. It’s also about the people who love you guys, all coming together to celebrate your love, and if it makes some of those people happy to bring or give a gift, then maybe just consider that your gift to them!!?

   Bc really, as it stands, the point I hear you trying to make (that of normalizing people vs things) is likely to get completely lost in the discomfort/awkwardness around those who want to and can give not being able to, and those who can’t being told they’ve created enough fuss to derail your whole wedding!?

   If you’re meaning what I think you are, then being gracious really IS the biggest stand you can possibly make… By saying in truly respectful terms and with the warmest of affection “I love you, and if it’s a burden or an obstacle for you to wrangle up a gift, or even simply to attend, I’d move heaven and earth to have you with me, and I’m angry at the world in which you might ever question that. So please, be alongside me/us, and feel no shame or guilt for anything at all, unless you secretly hate me and have never had the guts to say so. In which case, I might not move quite as many heavens nor quiiite as much earth to have you by my side on this one special day. Maybe if you secretly hate me, you could do me the favor of talking to me (but not until after the wedding, ok?), and if you don’t, and you spend your whole life hating me while pretending to like me, then maybe it’d be ok for you to feel a little bit of guilt, only for having made yourself endure the intolerable just to spare my feelings. Otherwise, we’re all good, come and party! Even if you can’t afford it! Because I CAN, and I WANT to spend this time and this money to be with you so badly I considered torpedoing my literal wedding in a misguided but totally sincere attempt to make the world a fairer place for you! Yeah? Yes? Ok!!”

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