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You don't need a frame of reference to know whether she's the right person for you. All you need is the knowledge of whether you have the same vision of a shared future, and you clearly don't, so you need to make that clear to her as soon as possible so you can both move on.
The sooner you tell her, the more time she will have to heal and eventually find someone else who wants the same thing she wants, and the more time you will have to pursue the life you want for yourself.
Here's a weird thing:
If you want to have good friendships, it's important that you don't bend over whenever something about your behavior bothers them.
If you fold every time a friend makes a demand or request, even when it means sacrificing things that are important to you, you teach them that that's how the friendship works. You condition them to manipulate you. They get used to you molding to their wishes instead of getting used to you as a person.
A friendship is only good if compromise goes both ways, and that means that your friends will sometimes not go your way if something is important to you. Making this happen can be kind of scary at the start because you haven't learned that good friends will stick around even if they don't get their way, but it's vital.
If you want to be friends with your ex in a way that doesn't breed resentment or make your life worse, you need to shut this kind of thing down. Maybe she can't handle it and leaves, but in that case, she's just a bad friend/you're not compatible as friends. And that's ok. She'll get over it, and you'll both make new friends.
Respect yourself, so others can know how to respect you.
Consult with a lawyer and see if you have grounds for an annullment. You have five years to do so, and if you were pressured into marriage or your spouse misrepresented himself, you may have a good case. I wouldn't spend a single second trying to save this, I'd suggest putting all your effort into ending it asap.
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That’s a lie
I’m gonna be honest: I don’t think this is the one. He’s barely spending any effort on you emotionally; it sounds like he’s mostly there for the sex. And he’s already told you he’s not interested in a deeper relationship. Plus, there’s a huge age gap. I don’t think that’s always a bad thing, but in this case, it doesn’t sound like the puzzle pieces are fitting together.
In a healthy relationship, your partner is proud to show you to his friends and family. You spend time together every day. You get physical, emotional, and sexual intimacy. You have mutually agreed goals for the future and for a life together. None of these things are here. And I don’t think your FWB is particularly motivated to pursue them.
Is it possible that you’ve had enough abusive, damaged relationships that you’ve learned to set the bar very low? You deserve better.
Thoughts? Yes, I have lots of thoughts. The first thought is your lazy wife needs to get a full time job. There's zero exucse for her leeching off of you and there's zero reason for you to put up with that. Marriage is a partnership. You are not a sugar daddy. Time to drop some ultimatums about her pulling her own weight.
I’m just wondering what other symptoms her bf is having if it is a vasovagal response? Like is he sweating? Feeling nauseous prior to? And it’s weird that she’s saying he doesn’t lose consciousness. If just be curious to have a more in depth history.
You're 20 years old, and have only been “together” for 5 months.
Let it go. They aren't worth your effort.