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Thank you
Personality goes a long way and yours isn't good.
But is he right that I should have discussed this with him PRIOR to taking action?
Your wife has been stringing you along for the ride. Is this a deal breaker for you because you are not having kids with her. You need to stop hoping and look at reality and reality is sometimes love just is t enough. Personally I'd be out just because of the deception alone.
Life is a mixed bag. Not everyone you meet in the world is going to be the senpai from your favorite manga. There are good people out there that have done and are capable of doing horrible things, just as there are horrible people out there that have done and are capable of kindness and generosity.
Humans aren't one dimensional fictional characters where they're always good or always bad. That said, I can see why you interpret our individualist culture's inherent ability to churn out people who are more likely to be self serving, lacking empathy, and have traits that are straight up narcissistic as bad and sometimes overwhelming.
If you don't fuck with someone, do not feel like you need to keep them in your life. Family, friends, coworkers, bosses. You're free, though not free of consequence, to remove people or yourself from what you view as toxic.
Well is she wearing the same shoes everyday? Have you purchased her a foot massaging bath, some fungal cream? Brand new cotton socks? Another pair of the same shoes? Offered her a foot bath and massage when she gets home? Start there.
He violated your privacy and you’re upset with yourself?