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The Queen Bitch of the United Kingdom – NEXT BROADCAST DEC 3rd, 23 y.o.
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I am a guy, when my SO says no or stop, I stop. ( I must confess I went through a learning curve) .
I would advise you to have a discussion with him, not in a sex context, and try to reach out to his good side so that he understands he hurts you. If he is a good guys, he does not want to hurt you. May be the both of you can think of another option to “finish” that would not hurt you .
Now, he is young, probably immature ( as was I ), so it is likely a long shot. Your health is priority number one, you cannot let a guy not listen to you because you love him, it is not good for you, and for him.
I wish you good luck
Trust needs to be extended until broken. Your GF, at 30, really needs to understand this and that no one wants their partner to a) not trust them and b) invade their privacy. I suggest you sit down and try to understand what is driving this desire and register your disapproval of these actions. If she has previous issues with betrayal perhaps suggest she talk with someone.
I'm not going to judge the choice you're making. I am actually going to give advice.
First. Get tested. For STDs. Genetic disorders, mutations, both of you.
Second, sign a contract. Get it notarized. Certify it in court. No child support. No visits unless agreed upon. No spilling the beans on who fathered the child.
Third. Sign over all your rights. This is drastic. What if she's s horrible mom? You don't have rights to take the child or be in its life. That's the last resort.
You don't have to keep offering yourself up to him to be treated badly.
Honestly, you're actually in a better position than a lot of people in this situation, because the usual story I've heard is, “If I stop spending time with this awful person they won't have anybody else and I'll feel guilty.” Your father (somehow) has at minimum a girlfriend and your mother in his life.
My advice is to keep contact minimal and when you do talk to him, don't have any hope or expectation for it to go any differently than it always has. Say something pleasant, wait for him to say something shitty, move on.
so you think he sought me out because of that? like from the very beginning when he first started talking to me on the app, you think his plan the whole time was to have sex with me?
She says your relationship is about security for her. Ask yourself, is this about money? Is she afraid what’s going to happen if you divorce, financially?
This is a really important question because you need to ask yourself the same one. If you are not having your emotional needs met, or your physical needs met, the only thing left is your financial needs. Having a roof over your head and a steady income.
For some couples it is. It comes down to finances. It’s scary to think about what could happen if you sell the house and divide your property and money. Is that the only reason that she’s holding onto this relationship?
Do you have the right to tell her that a marriage is Financial partnership emotional partnership physical partnership. What she is providing is not good enough for you. Unless she is willing to work on the emotional and physical part of your relationship then you’d like to have the option to find out with another person.
You could try asking her to meet for daytime coffee in some accessible public place. That would give her a chance to assess whether she feels comfortable being in your physical presence.
I guess I'm just more independent than you (and OP). It would be the opposite for me. I would want to date the person for a long time before I introduced them to my family. I would find any family interest to be irrelevant to my personal life choices.
He’s going to kill you, so yes time to leave.
I mean paternity fraud is still exceedingly rare, but with the rise of ancestryDNA and 23andMe we are also seeing that it’s definitely not as rare as we thought maybe 20 years ago. There’s a middle ground in this where we can acknowledge that the vast overwhelming majority of children are fathered by the person the mother acknowledges, while also admitting that there’s been a clear breakthrough in how paternity fraud is devastating and not as rare as thought.
I don’t know, this was my ex to the letter (except the trips). People use kind an empathetic people all the time. Especially young, kind, and empathetic people.
So why are you staying with him?
You’re obviously totally incompatible. It’s not your fault and equally, it’s not his fault.
You can’t change him. He needs to find someone who is empathic to his character and you need to find someone who matches you.
You’re a teenager. Dating at your age is about finding out what you want in a partner for the future, not trying to change the first boyfriend you have to make him suit your ideals.
That wasn't verbatim just a summary. But I get what you're saying. I guess those are like thoughts that I couldn't put words to when I meant I didn't feel like a priority, but I want to tell him those words I just don't know how to go about it at this point without it seeming like an extended argument.
I actually deep down know this, I can’t figure out why I feel so trapped- staying even though I know it’s not good for me. I’ve been through this before and know these things don’t change..
Your mother is definitely overreacting, but I’m probably going to give an unpopular opinion in that I do think your daughter’s apology was rather lacking. She gave a “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings” apology when what she said was objectively rude. She didn’t acknowledge that it was rude or that she regrets saying it. I understand that she’s 13 and probably not the most self-aware, but you probably should’ve caught that, explained why that’s not great, and helped her fix it.
A lot of people on Reddit are instinctively “fuck older people”, especially when the conflict is about older ideas of respect and such, so I’m sure you will get many people saying that apology was fine. But it could’ve been a lot better. My parents would be apoplectic if someone told them to shoo so I’m not surprised your mother found it highly disrespectful.
That being said, your mom was clearly dragging it out with that phone conversation and last text message to Claire. At some point you have to acknowledge that you are an adult (in this case an elder even) fighting with your depressed 13 y/o grandchild and realize that it’s not worth it.
Now honestly, I think literally everyone in this story is overreacting. Claire (which is understandable but still), your mother, your husband. This is a pretty small conflict that should be pretty easy to resolve but everyone involved seems to be taking the most dramatic action possible. Why didn’t you just tell your mom outright that you saw her text, didn’t appreciate it, and explain why? Instead of pretend like you didn’t know exactly what happened?
As for the current situation, it’s seemingly your family vs your mom so you need to act as peacekeeper here if you want this resolved. Speak to your mother and be very direct and honest about your perspective and what you feel like she did wrong. If she seems to understand and agree with you, and agrees to apologize to Claire, then I don’t see any reason for the conflict to continue. If she doesn’t, then you should make it clear that you’re not going to put Claire in an uncomfortable position over an issue that should already be over with.