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You did all of that in a week? You sound kind of ovsessed and stalkerish since yiu went as far as tracking down her new boyfriend to talk to her.
She didn't give you an ultimatum, she told you in no uncertain terms to leave her alone and you repeatedly bulldozed right over the top of her boundaries. There is absolutely nothing to mend. Stay away before you end up with a restraining order.
Because he's said this so many times before, I think it's his depression talking.
And when I go along with it and say okay it's too late he gets irate that I don't argue with him.
100% cancel the wedding AND the relationship.
OP, your bf is abusive. in a normal relationship, yes sure you should’ve discussed this before making a change. in this relationship? i assume you felt anxious about bringing it up in the first place, or maybe it slipped your mind to tell him, since you usually try to stay out of his way and avoid unnecessary interactions as they can lead to him getting angry and upset. that’s how i’ve felt in past abusive relationships btw. you did nothing wrong with the laundry baskets and his reaction is completely inappropriate and over the top. he is reacting abusively. i’m sorry.