Honestly, I think this issue is only yours, and while you're welcome to share the burden with him he's well within his rights to keep watching nsfw content and porn, and you have to decide if that's too much for you. But personally I think your issues with porn shouldn't be put on your partner or influence his choices. I think you need help for your body issues, and you don't have to watch porn at all, but you can't control what your partner does or enjoys.
I think all you can do is try and find a therapist for your body issues and get professional help with that. What your bf does is of no consequence to that. You know you're uncomfortable with porn and that's valid, you know you have issues with your body and that's okay, you can get help for that, and it's okay to feel a bit confused and upset that your partner partakes in something that makes you uncomfortable. But what he does at the moment doesn't affect you, so I hope you get help for your issues because you deserve to feel beautiful.
If you're being serious you definitely have a lot to learn about interacting with brat-wives. I'd look into brat play to give you a bit of insight on her.
This is my read as well. OP has alienated her boyfriend from her family and has made them feel like he has no interest in a relationship with them, all because she needs an explicit invitation to bring the father of her children to family events.
The result is that a pwBPD typically will administer shit tests every few days to test whether you seem to love her TODAY. Sadly, passing one of these tests accomplishes absolutely nothing. It only means that, when she administers the next test, she will raise the hoop a bit higher when demanding that you jump through.
She never really did that. Maybe I'm not perceptive enough or wasn't paying attention to those things at the moment, but looking back at our day-to-day interactions now, I can't remember anything like this.
This conundrum is due to the position of her two great fears – abandonment and engulfment – at opposite ends of the very same spectrum. This means you often find yourself in a lose/lose situation because, as you back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, you will start triggering the fear at the other end of that same spectrum.
Yeah, that's almost exactly what she said. We didn't have much time to talk about the specific ways her BPD affects her with, but in broad terms, that's what one of the things. I'm m just starting to learn about BPD but sometimes I get these 'holy shit' moments, when things I didn't understand at the moment all of a sudden start making so much sense.
Yes, Soier, it is encouraging that she has sufficient self-awareness to realize that she suffers from BPD – if her self-awareness is persistent. I say this because most pwBPD occasionally get “moments of clarity” (usually during a crisis) that usually have no lasting effects.
It's not self awareness, she was formally diagnosed in high school. However, she is a pretty self aware person in general, and from what I can recall now, handled her BPD pretty well. Only a few times it got out of control, but even in those moments, we never had big arguments, when we had disagreements or were upset with one another, we were able to calmly talk things out and resolve these problems very peacefully. I would even say that I argued with my non BPD exes way more than with her.
I mention this because, if you decide to put your life on hold to see if she is serious about working on her issues, it is going to be difficult for you to know whether she is actually making any real, lasting improvement.
I'm not putting my life on hold though. Don't see a point in that. And I have enough trust in her to do that. The bigger question I have is if it's going to be possible to build a successful lasting relationship together. I'm willing to make adjustments, support her in every way possible. Her BPD wasn't the only problem in our relationship and it provably wasn't the biggest, but I'm willing to let us heal, change and move forward with her. Even despite her BPD, she is just special in every way imaginable, I don't wanna give up on her and I hope we have a future together. However, I need to understand if that future can exist, or is it gonna be on and off like that and lead to nothing. What advice whould have for me?
Your bf wants to hurt you by depriving you of a beloved pet and hurt your dog by separating her from her home and family. That is superbly unfair. Also, his grief over his dog is not more important than your own grief over the dog you lost to cancer. He is being vindictive, petty, and cruel. If this is how he chooses to use his influence over you before you online together I hope you never move in with him. He is cruel and that will be inflicted on you.
Ok I agree that having time part is healthy
Honestly, I think this issue is only yours, and while you're welcome to share the burden with him he's well within his rights to keep watching nsfw content and porn, and you have to decide if that's too much for you. But personally I think your issues with porn shouldn't be put on your partner or influence his choices. I think you need help for your body issues, and you don't have to watch porn at all, but you can't control what your partner does or enjoys.
I think all you can do is try and find a therapist for your body issues and get professional help with that. What your bf does is of no consequence to that. You know you're uncomfortable with porn and that's valid, you know you have issues with your body and that's okay, you can get help for that, and it's okay to feel a bit confused and upset that your partner partakes in something that makes you uncomfortable. But what he does at the moment doesn't affect you, so I hope you get help for your issues because you deserve to feel beautiful.
too young to be held up on a relationship like that anyways. on to the next
If you're being serious you definitely have a lot to learn about interacting with brat-wives. I'd look into brat play to give you a bit of insight on her.
This is my read as well. OP has alienated her boyfriend from her family and has made them feel like he has no interest in a relationship with them, all because she needs an explicit invitation to bring the father of her children to family events.
The result is that a pwBPD typically will administer shit tests every few days to test whether you seem to love her TODAY. Sadly, passing one of these tests accomplishes absolutely nothing. It only means that, when she administers the next test, she will raise the hoop a bit higher when demanding that you jump through.
She never really did that. Maybe I'm not perceptive enough or wasn't paying attention to those things at the moment, but looking back at our day-to-day interactions now, I can't remember anything like this.
This conundrum is due to the position of her two great fears – abandonment and engulfment – at opposite ends of the very same spectrum. This means you often find yourself in a lose/lose situation because, as you back away from one fear to avoid triggering it, you will start triggering the fear at the other end of that same spectrum.
Yeah, that's almost exactly what she said. We didn't have much time to talk about the specific ways her BPD affects her with, but in broad terms, that's what one of the things. I'm m just starting to learn about BPD but sometimes I get these 'holy shit' moments, when things I didn't understand at the moment all of a sudden start making so much sense.
Yes, Soier, it is encouraging that she has sufficient self-awareness to realize that she suffers from BPD – if her self-awareness is persistent. I say this because most pwBPD occasionally get “moments of clarity” (usually during a crisis) that usually have no lasting effects.
It's not self awareness, she was formally diagnosed in high school. However, she is a pretty self aware person in general, and from what I can recall now, handled her BPD pretty well. Only a few times it got out of control, but even in those moments, we never had big arguments, when we had disagreements or were upset with one another, we were able to calmly talk things out and resolve these problems very peacefully. I would even say that I argued with my non BPD exes way more than with her.
I mention this because, if you decide to put your life on hold to see if she is serious about working on her issues, it is going to be difficult for you to know whether she is actually making any real, lasting improvement.
I'm not putting my life on hold though. Don't see a point in that. And I have enough trust in her to do that. The bigger question I have is if it's going to be possible to build a successful lasting relationship together. I'm willing to make adjustments, support her in every way possible. Her BPD wasn't the only problem in our relationship and it provably wasn't the biggest, but I'm willing to let us heal, change and move forward with her. Even despite her BPD, she is just special in every way imaginable, I don't wanna give up on her and I hope we have a future together. However, I need to understand if that future can exist, or is it gonna be on and off like that and lead to nothing. What advice whould have for me?
What's your plan for paying her bills if he spreads this around work? Why are we not being practical here?
Your bf wants to hurt you by depriving you of a beloved pet and hurt your dog by separating her from her home and family. That is superbly unfair. Also, his grief over his dog is not more important than your own grief over the dog you lost to cancer. He is being vindictive, petty, and cruel. If this is how he chooses to use his influence over you before you online together I hope you never move in with him. He is cruel and that will be inflicted on you.