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Your relationship isn't healthy which isn't good. Don't stay with someone who isn't good for you just because they are all you know.
And that is distinctly problematic.
Ok, I have a theory about relationships. I call it “cake theory”. You ready? If you are a cake, your partner should be the icing on your cake. You want your cake to be so sweet and delicately delicious that it doesn't really NEED icing. That's just there to make it that much prettier, that much sweeter. You also don't want to be looking for somebody to “complete” you. You want to be a whole cake, in your own right. Something you are proud to be and enjoy, without adding anybody else into it or defining yourself through anyone else. So you're looking for somebody to be the cream cheese frosting to your red velvet. Not a half a red velvet cake, if you're following my analogy.
At the end of the day, OP, you're stuck with yourself. You may as well make that person somebody you can stand being around. Also, who wants half a person/cake? Working on making yourself into somebody you feel is worth partnering with should be your mentality, not searching for somebody to somehow “complete” or “fix” you.
It’s not really about the dinner but about feeling like I should want to connect with my bf in that way after this amazing night and feeling like guilt when I didn’t. But you’re right about not seeing it as a transaction. Thanks for your advice 🙂
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They can blame and let their insecurities get control of their decisions, but that's no way of excusing their choice and decision. Unless you're willing to on-line with the consequences of their insecurities, it's a shit life to have to online with it. You don't really know the stress and turmoil having to on-line with someone that will continue to screw up and then all you get is “I don't know…” as if that explains and excuses all of their f-ked up.
As a new dad this hits me, but the love I have for my daughter surpasses any marriage certificate I signed with my wife. Marriage means family, but blood us everything, and that little girl needs you.
I wish you luck. I hope the best for your entry into parenthood.
Whether it's “appropriate” or not likely comes down to your respective moral values and if those aren't in sync problems like this will come up again and again. What is for sure is that doing these things most definitely does affect the kinds of jobs you'd be able to hold in the future. So whether it's worth it would kind of depend on what your future goals are.