Getting into confrontations when angry, shouting at people, etc, isn’t a healthy way to deal with anger and is abusive to the person on the other end- especially if that person is someone paid minimal wage that has to take their abuse.
I say this as an ND person who also used to meltdown (and now shuts down). Our illnesses and divergences are not an excuse to be abusive. It is on us to learn our triggers and accommodate ourselves so that we do not harm others or abuse others.
I’ve been that retail worker that people have gone off at because they’re angry, and now shouting, and confronting because they’re mad, and I couldn’t leave because my job wouldn’t let me, and it is abusive.
Going off on others when angry- friends, service workers, family, etc- rather than handling that anger in a healthy way is abusive. They didn’t sign up for dealing with that.
You fucked up by getting too drunk to function during after work drinks. You fucked up further by continuing to see this coworker outside of work hours after hearing his convo where his gf was clearly upset.
This man is clearly seeing another woman, or worse he most likely cheating on you. Let the trash take himself out. You don't need this kind of BS and look at it as a good riddance. You can start over again on 2023 and hopefully you'll find someone better that this POS.
i’m in a similar position to OP and have felt nervous that i’d face a similar situation in a relationship. i have a decent-size inheritance that i received a few years ago – the money is invested in the stock market which earns me about 50k/year. i also work part-time and have some health issues, so the balance is very fortunate for me. i imagine the jealousy my housemate must feel when she comes home from work and sees me in my sweats. but some of that is american capitalism warping my mind that i’m not valuable because i don’t work much. i pay about 2/3 of the cost for our apartment and my housemate benefits directly from that. plus i’m home to keep the cat company (priceless). obviously i’m not going to pick up a full-time job to ease someone else’s feelings, but i do fear the resentment of a potential future partner.
My man, you deserve so much better than this. She cheated on you and doesn't even feel bad about it. I'm really sorry to say this, but that guy wasn't the side peice, you are. Do me a favor and read No More Mister Nice Guy and some other men's literature. You get to have nice things too. A woman who loves you and respects you is one of those things.
I feel weird about this post you were 16 when yall started dating and he was 19 idk i never sniffed around underage girls. But beyond that yea theres really nohing you can do about this but let her get her space.
Situation involving multiple peoples but you are only thinking of aggression you may personally experience. That’s all I’m saying. It’s only an “escalation” to add words if you’re discounting everyone else and what they are experiencing.
Believe it or not, but some people have the ability to think of and consider multiple things from multiple perspectives.
Also please point to any gendered statements or expectations I stated. You’re making weird assumptions. I’m saying you, person whose gender I don’t know, are taking a selfish perspective.it’s adorable though that apparently you’ve scripted a fight with me in your head.
They would’ve gotten this car even if I wasn’t going with them. I just want some perspective on this because personally my family would never ask him to split a rental car for a vacation we invited him on.
Different families handle things differently. I've seen both when I was your age: some families paid for their kids' partners, others simply split everything equally…..
I totally get what you are saying but now you have to make her understand…you may need to spell it out for her. You respect her by not having female friends and she is not respecting you. I don't think you are possessive…I just think you are playing by the rules and she is not. I feel the same way you do…my ex and I agreed that we would not have friends of the opposite sex by ourselves…meaning the friend couldn't be just his friend she would have to be my friend too and no hanging out with the opposite one on one and he broke that agreement and I felt disrespected.
Tell him he's more than free to go but will come back to divorce papers. If he can treat this badly while you're in a high-risk pregnancy with his child, you do not need to stay in a relationship like that. This is such a huge deal breaker that to me, no matter how “great” (which I highly doubt) your relationship was, it's ruined beyond repair. Seriously, just his push back gives me red flags that would be naked to overcome.
What she did was insane, for sure. I had something very similar happen to me, and from my experience, you shouldn’t even talk to her anymore. The more space you give people like that to try to justify their crazy actions, the more they are internally validating themselves, and the more likely they are going to repeat the crazy behavior.
?
You should probably just let this relationship go and find a healthy one. There's no reason for you to trust him or even attempt to rebuild trust.
Getting into confrontations when angry, shouting at people, etc, isn’t a healthy way to deal with anger and is abusive to the person on the other end- especially if that person is someone paid minimal wage that has to take their abuse.
I say this as an ND person who also used to meltdown (and now shuts down). Our illnesses and divergences are not an excuse to be abusive. It is on us to learn our triggers and accommodate ourselves so that we do not harm others or abuse others.
I’ve been that retail worker that people have gone off at because they’re angry, and now shouting, and confronting because they’re mad, and I couldn’t leave because my job wouldn’t let me, and it is abusive.
Going off on others when angry- friends, service workers, family, etc- rather than handling that anger in a healthy way is abusive. They didn’t sign up for dealing with that.
You fucked up by getting too drunk to function during after work drinks. You fucked up further by continuing to see this coworker outside of work hours after hearing his convo where his gf was clearly upset.
Check yourself and step back.
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“Any advice on this or what would you do?”
This man is clearly seeing another woman, or worse he most likely cheating on you. Let the trash take himself out. You don't need this kind of BS and look at it as a good riddance. You can start over again on 2023 and hopefully you'll find someone better that this POS.
i’m in a similar position to OP and have felt nervous that i’d face a similar situation in a relationship. i have a decent-size inheritance that i received a few years ago – the money is invested in the stock market which earns me about 50k/year. i also work part-time and have some health issues, so the balance is very fortunate for me. i imagine the jealousy my housemate must feel when she comes home from work and sees me in my sweats. but some of that is american capitalism warping my mind that i’m not valuable because i don’t work much. i pay about 2/3 of the cost for our apartment and my housemate benefits directly from that. plus i’m home to keep the cat company (priceless). obviously i’m not going to pick up a full-time job to ease someone else’s feelings, but i do fear the resentment of a potential future partner.
Sweetie, for every guy who doesn’t care about your needs in sex, there’s another who will go above and beyond.
This guy doesn’t give AF about you
Very judgemental people on here. Must be nice up there in your ivory towers.
Yeah, this is important. I'm guessing it was bad because he didn't clarify.
My man, you deserve so much better than this. She cheated on you and doesn't even feel bad about it. I'm really sorry to say this, but that guy wasn't the side peice, you are. Do me a favor and read No More Mister Nice Guy and some other men's literature. You get to have nice things too. A woman who loves you and respects you is one of those things.
Speak to a divorce lawyer and get the ball rolling.
I feel weird about this post you were 16 when yall started dating and he was 19 idk i never sniffed around underage girls. But beyond that yea theres really nohing you can do about this but let her get her space.
Situation involving multiple peoples but you are only thinking of aggression you may personally experience. That’s all I’m saying. It’s only an “escalation” to add words if you’re discounting everyone else and what they are experiencing.
Believe it or not, but some people have the ability to think of and consider multiple things from multiple perspectives.
Also please point to any gendered statements or expectations I stated. You’re making weird assumptions. I’m saying you, person whose gender I don’t know, are taking a selfish perspective.it’s adorable though that apparently you’ve scripted a fight with me in your head.
Did you miss the word if?
I don't really see the problem honestly. You talked about having a nice house and she wanted to see it.
you got yourself knocked up< ??????? Do you know how a penis works?? Do you know where babies come from??
No the real abuse is obviously letting kids wear pajamas in the afternoon /s
Should i?
They would’ve gotten this car even if I wasn’t going with them. I just want some perspective on this because personally my family would never ask him to split a rental car for a vacation we invited him on.
Different families handle things differently. I've seen both when I was your age: some families paid for their kids' partners, others simply split everything equally…..
I totally get what you are saying but now you have to make her understand…you may need to spell it out for her. You respect her by not having female friends and she is not respecting you. I don't think you are possessive…I just think you are playing by the rules and she is not. I feel the same way you do…my ex and I agreed that we would not have friends of the opposite sex by ourselves…meaning the friend couldn't be just his friend she would have to be my friend too and no hanging out with the opposite one on one and he broke that agreement and I felt disrespected.
Tell him he's more than free to go but will come back to divorce papers. If he can treat this badly while you're in a high-risk pregnancy with his child, you do not need to stay in a relationship like that. This is such a huge deal breaker that to me, no matter how “great” (which I highly doubt) your relationship was, it's ruined beyond repair. Seriously, just his push back gives me red flags that would be naked to overcome.
You are absolutely right to trust your dad.
What she did was insane, for sure. I had something very similar happen to me, and from my experience, you shouldn’t even talk to her anymore. The more space you give people like that to try to justify their crazy actions, the more they are internally validating themselves, and the more likely they are going to repeat the crazy behavior.